


Love me Back to Life

by lepetittortue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adamandriel, Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-28 02:36:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lepetittortue/pseuds/lepetittortue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samandriel is sent in a mysterious mission to rescue the soul and body of Adam Milligan. The human wants to become a hunter, but things don’t happen as expected and the two will have to deal with problems and feelings they can’t comprehend. Romance/Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Fic slightly based in the music Love me Back to Life - Bon Jovi. English is not my mother tongue, please forgive any mistake. This universe is after 8x07 and will continue without following 8x10, ok? ;3  
> Warning for torture scenes.

 The notion of time wasn’t a luxury Samandriel had after four weeks locked up in that cell, stuck to that chair. His legs, arms and even his wings were attached. Crowley was very meticulous when he held the angel. There were no sacred oil and fire, but a cheap spell was enough to leave him totally stuck. And of course, scratch the Grace of Samandriel with an Archangel Blade and deplume his wings helped a lot to let him increasingly debilitated and helpless. Angels live forever? It was already starting to get more than doubtful.

  In the first week, Samandriel still had complete faith and hope that someone would rescue him. And after a few days of constant torture, finally a breath of certainty emerged from the darkness. An angelic and familiar energy emanated from some corner of that place. But who was that other angel? It seemed to not be at his best condition, and if Samandriel could forget the pain he was feeling, he could identify who was his savior. Ah, it was so nice to finally feel safe after so long.

 But he was wrong. The angel was gone, along with Crowley and his demons. Kevin and the future prophets were rescued. And so there was nobody else there besides Samandriel.

 Some days passed, and loneliness began to hurt more than the bruises on his wings and Grace. There was also fear, disappointment and many questions unanswered.  _Why did Heaven forget me? Why didn’t that angel rescued me? Why did Crowley continue hurting me even after I have given him what he wanted? Why can’t I feel_ _Alfie’s_ _presence anymore?_  Oh. The last thought made he feel dizzy, a wave of guilt and sadness hit him like a punch in the stomach. Alfie, his vessel, didn’t resist to the torture. The angel couldn’t heal his body in time to save his life.

 And it hurt so, so much… That poor innocent kid would never return to his family and friends, and Samandriel felt guilty for it. The only thing he wanted was a borrowed human body to go to the auction, try to recover the Word of God and return the body within a few hours. None of this should happen. There was no kidnapping predicted, there was no torture, no fear, no remorse and guilt. None of this was expected. But how could the angel know?

 Samandriel knew that crying and praying wouldn’t help anything, but those were the only things he could do. And he did it in the days that have passed, until there was nothing but silence.

 Samandriel was somewhat innocent and inexperienced for an angel with a few thousand years. He was much younger than most angels. He wasn’t even capable to know Gabriel personally. The archangel had fled before Samandriel had “born”. And throughout his time in Heaven, he was busy in hearing prayers and observing what humans used to do. Especially children, active and creative beings. After all, Samandriel is the angel of imagination. Children have it more than any other creature. Fighting has never been his liking, but he was forced to learn how to use swords for his own security.

 It was all very confusing what Crowley did. He heard others angels talking about how demons were cursed beings, unscrupulous and who would do anything to destroy the lives of others just for fun or to save themselves, but Samandriel couldn’t understand how that wasn’t in some way an exaggeration. And unfortunately, he learned by the hard way that the angels were right.

 Shivering because of his pain, Samandriel mustered strength to lift his head slightly to the ceiling of the cell. With his voice hoarse and weak, he asked. “I’m still here. Someone, please…”

 But there was no answer. No sign of anyone still cared. The angel lowered his head slowly. All his hopes abandoned him.

 Samandriel knew he was alone. No one would save him.

 But, again, he was mistaken. In the fourth week, a white and comfortable light gradually invaded the darkness and dirt of the prison until it took it completely. Heaven had sent angels to rescue him.  
  
  
 It was everying very strange and confusing. Samandriel couldn’t remember how the angels took him out of that place. He was too weak to pay attention to anything when they got there. And even more stranger was the fact that his wounds weren’t completely healed. His Grace was still a bit damaged and his wings still torn, but nothing that could put the angel’s safety at risk. His wounds were closed and it wasn’t bleeding anymore.

 Looking around, he realized he was in a strange room. Very white, very clean, with a large table near its center. Behind it was an angel staring blankly at him. He wore a feminine vessel.

 ”Where am I?” Samandriel asked hesitantly.

 ”You are in Heaven, Samandriel. We rescued you.” She replied, with a minimum of emotion in her voice.

 Samandriel smiled gawky. He was happy and relieved to finally be at home again. All he wanted was to lie down and rest for a few days. Stay in peace. But he had something important to do. “My vessel’s soul… Y- You brought it to Heaven, too? Please, all I want is that this kid has some peace after all he went through.”

 ”He’s fine, don’t worry.” The other angel smiled. “I’m Naomi, and I have a special mission for you.”

 Samandriel frowned, tilting his head slightly to the side. He was confused. “What kind of mission?”

 ”Go to Hell, enter Lucifer and Michael’s cage. Rescue the soul and body of Adam Milligan.”

 There was a moment of silence. Samandriel didn’t understand what the angel had said. That made no sense. “Oh… I’m sorry, Miss, but- Um… I don’t have enough power for that. Even in good conditions, I couldn’t stand Hell for more than twenty minutes. I can’t do it.” He lowered his head, biting his lower lip. Save a soul was a very honorable mission, don’t being able to fulfill it made he feel useless.

 ”No, you don’t. But I can help you.” She sighed, wandering her gaze for a few seconds before returning to stare at the younger angel. “I’ll lend you enough power to endure three days in Hell. Rescue Adam Milligan, repair his damaged soul. Within three weeks I will call you again to give you more information about your mission.”

 ”But-“  
  
  
 Before he could ask, protest or refuse a second time that mission, Samandriel was no longer in the white room. He couldn’t identify the location, but it looked like a forest. Or a woodland far from the city. He wasn’t sure. The sky was gray, the ground was covered with brown leaves, dark and huge trees everywhere. There was an abandoned wooden house in what looked like a big yard without fences, and Samandriel was on the center of it. He could use this house later for the rescued human.

 Another thing was different: his clothes. The red and white Wiener Hut’s uniform was swapped out for a black suit, like all the other angels’ clothes. Samandriel pursed his lips, troubled. They could have at least warned they’d do it.

 Now, stopping to think about Naomi… Do angels have the ability to lend powers and making one more powerful? Samandriel had no knowledge about it, but if she said so… And he already felt enormous power into his vessel. So much power that seemed it would explode at any moment.

 He couldn’t waste any more time thinking about what was happening. He needed to act soon, or he couldn’t handle all that power for so long. Even now with his Grace healed. He took a deep breath, taking courage. And, in a flutter of wings, he was no longer there.  
  
  
 There was no turning back. He was going to rescue Adam Milligan and fix his soul. But how much can it be damaged?

 It had been four years since Adam fell into the cage with Lucifer, Michael and Sam. Years in Hell are like thousands. Thousands years of pure physical and psychological torture. Good things don’t happen when you touch a soul like this.


	2. Take me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Samandriel fell to the ground, leaving the unconscious young man fall to his side. His vessel’s body was a bit burned in some places. Those minutes in Hell seemed like days.
> 
> '…Adam Milligan is saved.' […]”

 Samandriel, deep down, was terrified for having to enter Hell and pass over it in search of a lost soul. After being tortured by a demon, the last thing he wanted was to have to face thousands of them. Mainly half hour after being released from the captivity.  
  
 Three minutes and the angel was already on the surface again. But now accompanied. Adam was in his arms, and several parts of his body was burned. Samandriel had arrived in the middle of another torture and made it out in time to not be stuck there too.

 But he hadn’t left unscathed. Michael was furious because another “little angel” has discovered a way to enter the cage and he tried to catch him too. That was starting to be an insult. Why they couldn’t get out and those angels could get in? Lucifer was just watching. It would be fun for him to see his brother struggling with an angel who suffered some kind of mutation to become more powerful. And, well, as the first who took the body of Sam Winchester, this young angel was also successful. Not only with the body but also with the soul.  
  
 Samandriel fell to the ground, leaving the unconscious young man fall to his side _._  His vessel’s body was a bit burned in some places. Those minutes in Hell seemed like days.  
  
 ”…Adam Milligan is saved.” He mumbled, and spitted blood to the ground.  
  
 Samandriel tried to stand up, unsuccessfully at first. He went to the body lying beside him and prepared to catch it again, putting one hand behind his back and another beneath his legs. But he stopped before getting up again. Something caught his attention. His fingers, which previously held beneath the young man’s legs, were now resting lightly on his face. Samandriel stared at him. He couldn’t believe his older brothers had done it. Adam had delicate features, as if they had been drawn with calm and whim. How could someone damage it? Why mistreat an innocent boy who had nothing to do with the problems of Heaven and Earth? He also had a pure, innocent soul without any malice in his essence. So pretty, so destroyed. A small part of it was already burned, turned into something dirty. Samandriel was relieved to have arrived in time, but he knew it would be very difficult to repair a so battered soul like that.

  
 So without further ado, the angel carried Adam to that abandoned house. It was a bit difficult because of his injuries and the loss of almost all the power given to him, but in a few minutes Samandriel was already inside there.

  The house needed a good cleanup. It had only one big room with a bed in the background, some windows, a sink, a refrigerator and cupboards beside the front door. There was also a bathroom door that stood near the bed. Whoever lived here before didn’t have much money, for sure.  
 Once Samandriel put Adam lying on the bed, with the maximum care possible, he engaged in healing the human’s wounds and then the ones of his own vessel.

  
  “This house needs a good cleanup, food and water. But…” Samandriel said to himself, and sat on the floor beside the bed, staring again at the unconscious young man. His hands met each other on the sheet, one above the other, and he rested his chin on them. He knew he had to tidy up everything before Adam wake up, but… Something, something made he want to just stay there looking at him. Samandriel was delighted, he saw a lot of things when he touched the soul, but the angel wanted to know more. He wanted to help him, heal him. Samandriel wish he could wrap Adam in his arms and protect him from any harm, because he knew how much the human had suffered these thousands of years of torture.  
 The light on Samandriel’s face disappeared. What was he thinking? Adam was his a mission, and a human. He couldn’t get involved in any way possible.  
  
 Samandriel then stood up, pulling his tie and unbuttoned two buttons of his shirt. It’d be a day of a hard work, stay there with the young man wouldn’t help anything.  
  
  
  
  _“Adam. Adam, honey, wake up.”_  A voice called softly. “ _Adam, it’s about time.You will sleep all day?”_  It insisted.

 Adam opened his eyes slowly, but soon closed it again and lazily turned over on the bed. He was very comfortable in what seemed to bed his bedroom’s bed. But suddenly, a noise of things falling came out of somewhere. The ground was trembling, the bed shook with force. Adam sat up abruptly, startled, and looked around. Everything was on fire. There were several people screaming and a stench of smoke and burned flesh everywhere. The blonde then looked at the center of the room. Lucifer was there, smiling at him with Nick’s lips.  _“Time for our favorite game.”_  
  
  
 Adam woke up screaming. He was panicking. He sat on the bed and looked around and couldn’t recognize where he was. The house was old, dark and had a lot of symbols painted all over the wood, mostly on doors and windows. He didn’t know what they meant, and that scared him even more. His breath was so strong and fast that it could be heard from afar.  
 Across the room, Samandriel was washing some dishes, but stopped at the same moment he heard the young man’s scream. He flapped his wings, staying beside the bed in less than a second. This terrorized Adam even more. He was almost entering the walls as how hard he was forcing his back on them.  
  
 ”Adam! It has been a week, I-“  
  
 ”Who are you?! Where am I?” Adam shouted, staring at the strange figure in front of him.  
  
 Samandriel swallowed. He had noticed that the boy was terrified and he needed to fix that. With his best smile, he began. “Oh- Hi! My name is Samandriel. I’m an angel.”  
  
 The expression of fear on Adam’s face disappeared almost immediately. Now he seemed annoyed, disgusted. “Screw you.” And before Samandriel could react, the human got up and ran toward the door.  
  
 ”Wait, you can’t leave!” The angel said, going after him. “I rescued you from Hell, you’re safe with me.”  
  
 But Adam wasn’t listening. He opened the door and kept running, fleeing the angel who saved him. His head was confused, everything around him was spinning. He stopped running in the middle of the yard, staring at the floor, which seemed to be sinking under his feet. He also heard what seemed to be barking in the background of that forest. Adam ran to a tree and grabbed it, closing his eyes. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real.”  
  
 ”Adam.” Samandriel said calmly after appearing out of nowhere behind the boy. He was worried about his mental condition, but didn’t want to force him into anything. “Please, Adam. I’m just here to help you.”  
  
 ”Help?” Adam turned, leaning his back against the tree. It was difficult to concentrate his gaze on a fixed point while everything around him was moving awkwardly. “You’re an angel! What a dirty creature as you can do to help me?”  
  
 Samandriel froze for a moment, staring at the young man. He knew Adam was traumatized after what the Archangels did to him, but those words hurt him somehow. The angel looked at the ground and lowered his head, pressing his lips against each other. “Well…”  
  
 ”This is just another game of illusion, isn’t it?” Adam laughed. “I’m not buying this again.”  
  
 ”No!” The angel replied, lifting his head. “This is real, Adam. I went to Hell, I saved you from Lucifer and Michael’s cage.” He stepped forward, apprehensive. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Without taking away his gaze of the other blue eyes, Samandriel held the young man’s hands with his own, a small smile on his lips. “Trust me.”  
  
 Adam looked at their hands. He was still confused and distrustful, but that touch seemed different from all the others he received during the years in Hell. It was tender,  _real_.  
He sighed heavily and looked at the angel. “Why?” His expression was a mixture of sadness and doubt. He didn’t believe that someone would actually want to save him. “That another angel took Sam and left me behind with no explanation. Later, a strange old man entered the prison to seek his soul. Dean hasn’t chosen me. Why an angel would save me now, when my own family have given up from me?”  
  
 Samandriel could feel the sadness and disappointment in the young’s words. Now more than ever he wanted to be able to hug him and protect him. “I don’t know.” He was never good at lying. “They sent me to this mission, I had to save you and heal your soul. They didn’t tell me anything else. But…” He walked a little more, smiling again. “I’m sure Heaven realized it was a mistake that a soul as beautiful as yours stay in Hell. You didn’t deserve to be there. So I guess that’s why they sent me.”  
  
 ”You’re very sincere.” Adam commented. For the first time, he was looking at a good angel. Samandriel wasn’t like most angels, he wouldn’t hurt a fly if it wasn’t necessary. But all the torture, the Zachariah’s betrayal and Castiel’s apparent disregard built a barrier in his mind. It would be very difficult to trust an angel again.  
  
 ”It’s not safe out here. Demons may be looking for you.” The elder said, dropping his hands.  
  
 ”How can I know that Heaven is not using me again? How can I trust you?” Adam’s gaze was so intense over the angel that it seemed to be judging him from the inside out, and the harsh tone in his voice wasn’t making things more comfortable.  
  
 ”Look, I know that other angels weren’t good to you.” Samandriel began, his voice as calm as always. “But I swear, I just want to help you. Pay a little the debt that Heaven has with you.”  
  
 Adam closed his eyes for a second, sighing. Something in that angel was different, in fact, and made he feel… comfortable. That was a good thing after so much pain and despair. But he was afraid to be disappointed again. “I don’t know. I still think you-” Before he could finish, an excruciating pain swept over his head. It looked like something was tearing his brain into pieces.  
  
 Adam fell to the ground, screaming in pain and with his hands on his head. Samandriel panicked internally. Adam left Hell, but Hell hasn’t left him. What Naomi was thinking to just send an angel to rescue a damaged soul without even blocking its memories of what happened in Hell? This made no sense and was proving to be too dangerous.  
 Samandriel gripped the young man in his arms and disappeared, returning quickly to the house.

 With the same care that the first time the angel put Adam on the bed, sitting beside him. His hand rested on the boy’s chest, who was screaming in pain. But that didn’t last long, because Samandriel began to heal his soul.  
 Or at least he tried. The black part in the human soul was too deeply stained, and absorbed quite angelic energy to clean it a bit. Samandriel passed the whole week trying to heal Adam’s soul, but he hadn’t good results. It was obvious now. He gasped, quickly removing his hand from where it was. Samandriel would need to take a good rest before continuing. But at least the pain that the other blonde felt was gone. He was unconscious now.  
  
 Samandriel took to Adam’s head the same hand he had used the angel mojo, slowly sliding the fingers through his hair, face and ended up leaving it on his chest again. He seemed at peace now, but the angel knew it wouldn’t last for a long time.


	3. Touch me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Adam didn’t know if he would handle all those crisis if they continued like that. He held Samandriel’s hands tightly, trying to cling to reality at all costs. And in an almost impulsive act, he left his body fall forward and buried his face in the angel’s shoulder, letting the weight of his body fall all over him.”

 All that Adam wanted was to see his mother again. At least one more time. But what he gained in return? He was forced to accept Michael after being trapped in that room, and then he fell alongside with his brother inside Lucifer’s cage. From a peaceful town, a normal and even enjoyable life, to an eternity of suffering without even having done something wrong.  
  
 But no, no. That couldn’t be definitive. He knew Dean would find a way to save him and Sam. Adam was sure.  
  
 Some months had passed since the fall, but Lucifer and Michael weren’t any less angry. And the only thing they could do was cashing it in their vessels’ souls.  
 They skinned, mashed, shattered them. One time, and again, and again, and again. Always healing them to start one more time. And with each new round, the souls became more and more destroyed. Adam just wished it had an end soon.

  
 Oh, it was hurting so much… It looked like Adam’s skin had been completely pulled out and his muscles torn, and then immediately put in place as a modeling clay. No, wait. That actually happened. The pain was hallucinating, his screams echoed through the cage without stopping. The only thing that left him know he wasn’t starting to becoming crazy was Sam. The eldest was as destroyed as Adam, but still had the strength to show a small smile of comfort, as if it was saying that everything would be okay. It was good to have an older brother at that time.  
  
 But one day, a huge rumble could be heard over the prison. That wasn’t normal because the two Archangels left alone the souls. They were amazed, suspicious.  
 Lucifer said something, but his angelic voice was destructive to human ears, Adam couldn’t understand anything.  
  
 An angel was back in Hell to rescue a human soul.  
  
 The archangels knew no idiot angel could be so powerful to defeat them alone and take the souls of their prisoners. But yet… They wouldn’t risk, they needed to be alert to any movement. After all, there could also be a way to follow the angel out of Hell.  
 However, that angel wasn’t in his normal state. There was something different, something that made him stronger… Souls. He was using the power of multiple souls. And all that power in the form of white light invaded the cage, causing the Archangels to step back, making room for the attacker to go to the humans.  
  
 Someone had come to rescue them! Adam was so happy and, for a moment, he forgot the physical and psychological pain he was feeling. Finally he could go home.  
  
 But the angel turned towards Sam and held him in his arms.  _Hey, what about me?_  He prepared to leave the cage without even looking at Adam. But before he could go, Lucifer grabbed Sam’s soul, pulling it out of his body.  _“Sam Winchester is mine.”_  The angel tried to fight, but it was too late. He wouldn’t dare to face the Archangels alone.  
 And so, the cage was at its natural light again. The angel had brought Sam alone, leaving Adam behind.  
  
 But why?  
  
  
  
 Adam woke up, his eyes heavy and his head aching. He looked to the other side of the bed, and startled when he saw that Samandriel was staring at him. The angel had spent the whole night watching he sleep, healing his mind every time a nightmare made he start screaming and shaking with fear, he hold Adam’s hand when he cried in pain. For a human it would be exhausting, but Samandriel doesn’t need to sleep, and he doesn’t care to spend his energy taking care of Adam.  
  
 ”It’s not nice to stare a dude sleeping.” He said, sitting up. His body was lighter, though the headache. He didn’t feel dizzy or saw things moving like last night.  _Good._  
  
 ”I made coffee.” Samandriel said, without moving one centimeter. “Well, actually, I bought it.” He ran a hand behind his head gawky. “I wouldn’t know how to use a coffee maker even if there was one here.”  
  
 Adam chuckled. “Yeah. You angels aren’t used to any kind of ‘machines’, aren’t you?”  
  
 Samandriel just smiled, nodding. And then he stood up, disappearing from the bedside to appear again near the refrigerator. And within seconds he stood next to Adam again, holding a cup of coffee and a plate with a natural sandwich. He sat before offering it to the younger male.  
  
 ”You don’t know how to walk? It gets on my nerves to see you disappearing and appearing from one corner to the other all the time.” Adam said, taking the coffee and the plate of the angel’s hands.  
  
 ”My apologies. I- I’ll try to control that.” Samandriel said, looking away to his own lap. Adam was very aggressive since returning to Earth, but that was understandable. Thousands of years in Hell do that to you.  
  
 Adam took a bite of the sandwich carefully, afraid that the food wasn’t actually real. But fortunately to him, it was real and delicious. Ah, it was really good to eat something after so long… Despite being a bit queasy. He continued eating, ignoring the coffee for a few moments. Meanwhile, Samandriel was looking at him with curiosity. Looking at the human’s lips moving that way was almost mesmerizing.  
  
 But Adam suddenly stopped. “You’ll be looking at me like that while I eat?”  
  
 Samandriel blinked, looking away before answering. “Sorry, it wasn’t my intention to make you feel uncomfortable.”  
  
 ”But you did, so stop it.” He replied sharply. The angel just lowered his head, looking a little sad. And then disappeared again.  
  
 Adam sighed, annoyed. He was starting to realize that this angel had more feelings than he thought, and ended up feeling a little guilty for treating him so bad. But, well, he would finish his breakfast and take a shower before trying to resolve the situation.  
  
  
 Outside the house, Samandriel was leaning with both hands on the balcony’s wooden wall, looking at the forest. Since he returned from Hell, he didn’t stop thinking about what he saw inside the cage, what he saw when he touched Adam’s soul. There was so much fear, so much pain, sorrow, disappointment… hatred. Samandriel was afraid of what would happen if the Winchesters meet his half-brother before he was fully healed. He didn’t want Adam to get hurt, or hurt someone. Naomi must have a good reason for all that.

 The angel also thought about his brother, Castiel. How he fell after having touched Dean’s soul. How he changed, how he destroyed things and angels to save that one human. Samandriel didn’t blame him, he knew that Castiel did everything with good intentions, even though in the wrong way. But Samandriel never understood how it was to feel, how it was to like some people to the point of wanting to just stay with them. Adam was starting to awake something inside the angel, but it was still all very confusing. He only knew that he wanted to protect the human, to save his soul and never let him be hurt again. Is that what they call “feelings”? He didnt know yet, but he was beginning to fall too.  
  
  
 Adam didn’t want to take a shower with hot water. That would remind him of some bad things in Hell and the last thing he wanted was to freak out naked in a bathroom. Oh God, he couldn’t even think about it.

 Once finished bathing and dressing up with the same clothes — unfortunately, those were the only ones he had at the moment —, Adam returned to the main room and went to the fridge to see if it has anything else to eat. He was hungry, his body was beginning to function like a normal person’s body again. He glanced at the house- that angel had arranged everything, even towels and toothbrush he bought. By the way, where did he get the money to buy all that stuff? Adam didn’t want to think about it or anything else, his brain was tired. When he found something edible in the fridge, he took it and left the house.  
  
  
 ”Hey.”  
  
 Samandriel woke from his thoughts when he heard the other male’s voice. So he turned his body to him. “Hi. How are you feeling?”  
  
 ”Hungry. My body is less painful, and things around me stopped moving.” Adam said carefree, biting the last piece of another sandwich. He was standing near the door, a little distant from the angel. “Say, what’s your name again?”  
  
 ”Samandriel.” He smiled faintly, without opening his lips. “And it’s good to see that you’re better.”  
  
 ”Your name is kinda complicated, but I think I’ll get used to it.” The blonde said, walking closer to the other. When he came near the angel, he leaned over the balcony’s wall with his forearms. “Who is the unfortunate kid that you’re using as a vessel?”  
  
 That conversation, like all others they have had, was walking into something nasty. Samandriel who once looked to the human beside him, looked forward, crossing his arms and sighing heavily. “Alfie. From a small family, with a younger sister and parents separated. He worked to pay his college.” There was a brief moment of silence, as if the angel was seeking courage to continue. “But he died. Crowley kidnapped me on the first day that I came to Earth and tortured me until the poor kid couln’t take it anymore. I wasn’t able to heal him in time to save his life.”  
  
 ”Wow. I’m sorry.” His head turned toward the angel, staring at him. “For him and for you.”  
  
 Samandriel returned to look at the younger. “He’s in a better place now. Heaven is watching over him.”  
  
 ”I hope he has better luck than me.” Adam smiled sarcastically. But he soon realized that he hadn’t changed anything. He was still being stupid with the angel and making things worse. He needed to control himself, that wasn’t normal. What the hell was happening to him?  
  
 Adam cleared his throat, turning his body in the same position as Samandriel. “Thanks for getting me out of Hell. Michael’s jokes were starting to get boring.” He smiled slightly, looking to the another male beside him.  
  
 Samandriel tilted his head, confused. That made no sense to him. “I didn’t know that Michael likes to tell jokes, specially in a place like Hell.”  
  
  _Oh, my._  Adam laughed at the confusion of another angel who doesn’t understand obvious things. That made Samandriel more confused. “Never mind. So… How long we are going to stay here?”  
  
 ”I’m not sure. I need to heal your soul completly and I can’t let you go out before I finish it.” Samandriel replied and turned to face the man. “It could be dangerous.”  
  
 ”So I’m stuck to this house and to you indefinitely?”  
  
 ”Yes.” Samandriel responded as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  
  
 Adam twisted the corner of his mouth in a small smile, still with a serious face. “Great. Good luck in dealing with someone with a troubled mind like mine.”  
  
 ”That’s not a problem.” Samandriel smiled.  
  
 ”Fine then.” Adam returned the smile.  
  
 And so the silence prevailed among them. Adam didn’t know how to continue the conversation, neither Samandriel did. They stood there, just staring at each other.

 Unlike other angels that Adam had seen, Samandriel didn’t had a cold look on his face. He didn’t look at Adam as if he was an insignificant being, one among many others that had no importance to the world. Or just as one more piece in the game of Heaven against Hell. No. Samandriel was different. He looked at Adam as if he was something precious that had fallen into his hands. That was… good. And there was some curiosity and insecurity in his eyes, as if he wanted to talk or ask something, but wouldn’t do it for fear of receiving some bad response or for making the younger feel uncomfortable. Adam also noticed that he- his vessel had two flecks under the left eye, and when he smiled his cheeks were even more- Wait. No, no, no, no and no.  _What the hell, Adam? You can’t think anyone is cute, specially this angel._  He thought, turning his head to the side and looking at the floor, embarrassed and troubled.

 Samandriel frowned. What had happened? But before he could ask if something was wrong, Adam brought a hand up to his head and squinted. That wasn’t good.  
  
 ”Adam?” Samandriel asked, worried.  
  
 It was happening again. The hallucinations hadn’t stopped completely, and this time things were pretty bad.  
  
 Everything seemed to be in flames while a deafening noise invaded Adam’s mind, and he began to lose his balance. Samandriel held him to don’t let him fall like last time. But all that Adam saw was Lucifer with some type of piercing tool in his right hand while holding him. It was disturbing to see Lucifer there, out of the cage. But… it was Adam or Lucifer that was free? He couldn’t tell, his mind was a mess. Adam pushed the angel with full force and tried to run to the inside of the house. But that noise in his head wouldn’t let him run, it was hurting too much. So he stopped in the middle of the balcony and stood near the wall with his hands on his head, moaning in pain. The alleged fire was starting to climb up his legs and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Disturbing.  
  
 ”Adam, it’s okay. You are saved. None of this is real.” Samandriel said, trying to be as calm as possible while approaching the other male once again. He didn’t know what was going on in the boy’s head, but he could imagine what kind of hallucination he was having. Samandriel pushed carefully Adam against the wall, forcing him to stay still. One hand was on his chest, and the other held his head.  
 Adam was terrified and tried to push away the angel — or the Devil in his head — again with all his strength, but it was useless. Samandriel’s strength was far greater than human’s. Adam didn’t want to be tortured again.  _No, no, no! This can’t be happening!_  He continued to try to flee.  
Samandriel then began to using the power given to him in order to continue healing the damaged soul. He hadn’t recovered from the last time that he did that, but the situation was critical. He needed to do this even if it turned to be dangerous.  
  
 ”Adam, look into my eyes. The only real thing here is me. Concentrate on me.” The angel stared at the younger’s eyes, trying to seek some sign of sanity there. And gradually he was able to do so, at the same time his own energy was fading.  
  
 Adam gripped tightly the hand on his chest.  _This seems real. This is real, this is real._  He repeated to himself while feeling the warm skin between his hands. His mind was gradually soothing, and things around him were returning to normal. The first was Samandriel. His face, his intense gaze on the blonde became increasingly clear, until Adam’s mind was completly normal again.  
  
 ”Sa… Samandriel?” His voice failed, breathing heavy. The poor boy was still sweating cold.  
  
 ”Yes, Adam, it’s me.” Samandriel took both of the other’s hands with his own, squeezing them carefully. “This is real. You are no longer in the cage.”  
  
 Adam didn’t know if he would handle all those crisis if they continued like that. He held Samandriel’s hands tightly, trying to cling to reality at all costs. And in an almost impulsive act, he left his body fall forward and buried his face in the angel’s shoulder, letting the weight of his body fall all over him.  _This is real._  
  
 Samandriel just dropped their hands, and wrapped Adam in a tight hug. He was starting to be a safe haven for Adam.


	4. Hold me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Trying to lead a normal life after Heaven and Hell knew about the existence of another Winchester would be impossible. What was left to make sense to be alive?”

That night was very problematic. Adam’s nightmares became more frequent, as well as the fever caused by stress. Samandriel used his angel mojo whenever he could, but each time the powers Naomi gave to him were disappearing definitely. They weren’t charging anymore, and soon he would be in his normal angel’s state. At least Adam’s soul was almost completely healed. The only thing missing was a wall in his mind to stop the nightmares and hallucinations. But the angel wasn’t strong enough for that.  
 Samandriel didn’t get out of Adam’s side all night. Sometimes holding his hand, sometimes whispering some words of comfort to calm him down.

 In the following days, Adam hadn’t wake up yet. Finally the weight of taking a soul out of Hell without due care was falling on Samandriel’s backs, and consequently also on the younger’s. Heaven take no care and Adam was paying for it. Again.

 Samandriel spent most nights praying, asking for help, asking for an angel to come and build a wall on Adam’s memoirs. But nobody ever answered to his prayers.  
 Sometimes he sat on the floor beside the bed and watched the boy sleeping, always holding his hand and healing his nightmares when necessary.  
 There were days that Adam just cried for missing his mother or for the disappointment he felt by the fact that the Winchesters have never tried to get him out of Hell. Lucifer talked all the time about how selfish they were, about how Adam wasn’t important and would never be rescued. It was marked not only in his soul, but also in his heart. He had so much hatred for his brothers that he couldn’t even think about finding them again.

 And it hurt a lot, because Adam had no one who cared about him. Except Samandriel.

 Every day, every touch and every caress, the angel was becoming increasingly important to him, as well as his confidence. He didn’t want to lose Samandriel. Even he being an angel.  
  
 A week had passed, and finally Adam gave some sign that he was good. Or at least a little better. He rolled on the bed, standing aside and shrunk a bit, and searched for the angel with this hand. Until it touched the other’s knee. Adam then opened his eyes a little and looked in the direction where his hand was. “Samandriel?” He called, his voice weak and low.  
  
 ”Yes?” Samandriel grabbed the hand that was on his knee, looking apprehensive at the human.  
  
 ”I’m not feeling well.” Adam began, closing his eyes. “Am I dying?”  
  
 ”No, you’re not.” The angel looked down, frowning. He couldn’t do anything to help. “This- Um… This is normal. You will be fine soon.”  
  
 ”Why did Heaven do this to me? I never did anything wrong to anybody.” His voice was getting hoarse at every new word, while the hair on his forehead was getting wet. Adam was having fever again.  
  
 ”It was your destiny, Adam. Sometimes it’s not fair, but everything will be resolved in the end.” Samandriel smiled slightly.  
  
 ”I hope that the end is near, then.” He smiled too, but with sadness drawn on his lips.  
  
 Adam then used his other hand to hold one of Samandriel arms, pulling him closer. The angel was a little confused by that action, but didn’t pull away. Adam pulled until he was beside him, and Samandriel understood that he was supposed to lie there. And as soon as he lied down, his arm wrapped Adam’s body in a light hug, while the young man settled better to embrace him too.  
 They were very close, Samandriel could even feel Adam’s warm breath touching his face. He didn’t quite understand what was happening, but he assumed that Adam needed a comfort beyond words, and that hug seemed to be working. But he still didn’t know what to do, where to look, or where to put his hands. He was even a little nervous.  
  
 ”Why do we-” But before he could finish, a finger touched his lips, interrupting him.  
  
 ”Shh.” Adam sighed. “I don’t believe I’m going to say this, and I don’t know  _why_  I’m going to do it, but…” There was a slight pause before he continued. Adam wandered his gaze at the other boy’s face, looking for a few seconds to his lips before returning to face him in the eyes. “I feel safe when you’re near me. My mind- I recognize what is real when I touch you. So, just stay here with me while I’m not okay.”  
  
 Samandriel stood still for a moment, without even blinking. He didn’t know how to react. Smile couldn’t be a good idea. “I… ah… I will not leave your side.”  
  
 ”Great.” Adam sighed again and moved closer, burying his face on the angel’s neck. “I’ll probably regret saying this when I wake up, but for now… just stay here.”  
  
  “I will.”  
  
 Samandriel pressed his lips against each other, staying silent. Something inside him seemed to have broke for see Adam suffering like that, and don’t being able to do something to end that made things worse. He was… developing more feelings? Feelings, in fact, quite painful. It was a mixture of agony and sadness, maybe some guilt too.  _Humans are a very strong to withstand this kind of pain_ , the angel thought.  
 He laid his cheek on Adam’s forehead and hugged him a little stronger. Lying next to the man he saved, hugging him and… feeling a strange thing foe him was something that Samandriel didn’t imagine when he first heard the mission. But he couldn’t deny, that kind of physical contact was very pleasant. Samandriel felt warm, comfortable, and halfway glad to be finally embracing Adam, as he wished when he touched his soul.  _I will not let anything bad happen to you again, Adam.  
  
  
  
_  ”Samandriel.”  
  
 The angel frowned, turning his body toward that voice. He was back in that white room. ”How-“  
  
 ”I called you earlier because we already have the necessary information.” Naomi interrupted, and gestured with her head, indicating the youngest to sit in the chair opposite to her desk. That would be a long conversation. And when Samandriel obeyed, she continued. “Castiel and the Winchesters are busy running after the Word of God about demons, and it’s good to continue like this because-“  
  
 ”Castiel? So he is really alive?” Samandriel asked, excited. He didn’t know that Castiel was out of Purgatory and that he was well. A huge smile was plastered on his face, but that changed when he saw the angry look on Naomi’s face. He had interrupted her.  
  
 ”It’s good to continue like this, because we find that there is a Word about angels.” Naomi got up and walked slowly to Samandriel. “I’m sure they will close the gates of Heaven if they find that stone.”  
  
 ”Why would Castiel do that? He enjoys being with those humans… I don’t think he would close the gates to never see them again.” The younger angel said in his innocence.  
  
 ”He’s different, Samandriel. More than before. Surely he will shut the gates of Heaven without thinking twice and will stay on Earth.” She lowered her body until her eyes were at the same direction as the others. “You need to find it and destroy it.” Her tone made it clear that there was a threat behind those words, if the younger angel refuse to continue with the mission.  
  
 ”How do I do this?” Samandriel asked. But he soon remembered something very important, and left his calm expression fall. “I need someone to build a wall in Adam’s mind. He is suffering  and I fear that he will not resist it.”  
  
 Naomi took a deep breath, and lifted her body. “You know it spends enormous energy and can not be permanent?”  
  
 ”I will take care of him. I’m not going to let the wall fall.” Samandriel said, convinced of his words. “Please.”  
  
 There was a minute of silence. Time enough for the older angel go back to her chair and sit. She seemed impatient. “I have some conditions.”  
  
 Samandriel frowned, confused. Conditions? That doesn’t seem fair. But he was determined to get the wall, so he would take… whatever it was. “Say it.”  
  
 ”You will accept whatever I command you during this mission. We may need to eliminate some…” She paused for a second. “Little problems that may appear along the way. And you and Adam will be instructed to do so. Any refusal and the wall will fall.” She smiled venomously. Her plan to not create a wall from the first moment Adam left Hell was going right. Samandriel not being able to refuse any order was all Naomi needed. She knew the angel’s goodness and observing how he was behaving with that human gave her more certain that he would accept her conditions.  
  
 And that wasn’t good. Really not good. Samandriel felt a chill in his stomach. What he heard didn’t please him at all. But letting Adam suffer like that would be much worse. He said he would and he really wanted to protect the human, but now it seemed that it would have a high price. Samandriel pressed his lips on each other, visibly uncomfortable. “I…” He swallowed and looked down. “I accept it.”  
  
 ”Excellent.” Naomi smiled again.  
  
  
  
 And in a flash, Samandriel was by Adam’s side again. He seemed at peace while sleeping.  
 The angel sighed and closed his eyes. Was it too much ask for peace? He had been tortured, his Grace mutated for a while, and now he would probably do something to regret for the rest of his existence. Eliminate problems? Naomi didn’t need to be more clear, it was obvious lies and deaths were coming.  
  
 When he opened his eyes again, his gaze met an angel standing beside the bed. He seemed to judge him, since Samandriel was still lying and hugging a human. And even with this awkward situation, Samandriel didn’t move away from Adam. On the contrary: he pulled him closer, as if he wanted to protect him from that other angel. He could be there to build the wall, but Samandriel was beginning to let his defenses and mistrust grow.  
  
 That angel was wearing an old man vessel. He was tall, his hair was shorter as a colonel, gray eyes. A straight face without the slightest emotion on his face. No beard. He was wearing a suit and tie, along with a black overcoat. He wanted to give the impression that he was powerful, imposing. Maybe that helped to trigger Samandriel’s defensive mode.  
 He then lowered his right hand to Adam’s head, and with a soft light coming out of it, the wall began to be built. It looked painful, since the Adam tightened his arms wrapped around Samandriel and groaned. But that didn’t last more than two minutes.  
  
 ”You could at least let the memories he has of me. I think it would be good…” Samandriel asked.  _That sounds selfish, but I’m sure it will be better like this._  The other angel didn’t answer, but didn’t ignore that request. If this would cause a problem later, the responsibility would be entire of the younger.  
  
 And soon the two were alone again. The angel came and left without saying a word. Samandriel stared at him the whole time, watching every movement and minimal change of expression he had. But finally it was over and Samandriel could relax a little. He looked back at Adam, who seemed to be waking up.  
 Adam sighed deeply, and stretched his arms — one of them was still on the other male’s body — and legs, as if he woke up from a good night of sleep. Although it wasn’t morning yet. He opened his eyes better and encountered Samandriel staring apprehensively at him.  
  
 ”Hi.” He said, resting one arm on the angel again.  
  
 ”Hi.” Samandriel smiled. “Are you feeling well?”  
  
 ”Yes… yeah, I am.” Adam frowned. He was really good. Even the malaise caused by the fever had passed. “I’m totally fine.” His gaze over the other blond expressed a clear desire to understand what was going on.  
  
 ”A wall was built inside your mind by another angel. It blocks all the memories of what happened in Hell. Attempt to not remember anything, it can tear it down and can be fatal.” Samandriel explained calmly.  
  
 ”Oh… I see.” But the look of confusion on his face hasn’t disappeared. “But I still remember some things… after I left Hell.” He was silent for a few seconds. “I had some pretty bad hallucinations, didn’t I? And you were here taking care of me.”  
  
 Samandriel nodded. “Exactly.”  
  
 Well, that was great. No more hallucinations, no more need to be afraid thinking that all was a lie and he was actually in Hell… But there was still a bad feeling inside Adam. He had so much hatred of demons, angels… his brothers. If there was a way to stop all those damn monsters, Adam would do it. And he didn’t care whether or not would be hard. He just wanted to make the monsters stop.

 Those thoughts disappeared when he finally realized that he was hugging Samandriel.  _What the hell?_ He moved away and broke the hug. His previous state had left him very weak, and now he wouln’t let these things happen again. Samandriel is an angel, Adam didn’t want to cling to him. Although it was already too late to run away from it.  _Dammit._  
  
 Samandriel noticed the discomfort that his very close presence had caused, and quickly sat down. “I- Um… It’s late, you should go back to sleep. I will be out there. Call me if you need anything.” And before Adam could say anything, Samandriel was no longer in the room.  
  
 He wouldn’t say anything about the mission and the unfair conditions given by Naomi to get that wall. No, that wasn’t the right time.  
  
 Adam sat on the bed and looked around the place. But his mind wasn’t exactly interested in the details of the room. The desire to hunt those monsters spoke louder. After all, what would be his life now? All his friends and his former girlfriend think he is dead, his mother is dead, he had lost his job and return to college would be very difficult. Trying to lead a normal life after Heaven and Hell knew about the existence of another Winchester would be impossible. What was left to make sense to be alive?  
  
  
 ”Samandriel.” He called, still staring at nothing. And when the angel was back at his side, he looked at him. “I want to become a hunter and kick all those bastards to Hell.”


	5. Rescue me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to become a hunter.” Adam repeated. “I know there may be demons after me, and it would never let me have a normal life. I can’t go back to my job, to my college or to my friends.” He paused, staring at the angel. “I am still dead to the world. And I see no sense in go wandering around, running from things that want to kill me."

 Of all the things Adam could want after receiving that wall, the last thing Samandriel expected was that he would want to enter the hunter life and go after what killed him. It made no sense.  
  
 He was silent for a while, staring at the young man. “What?”  
  
 ”I want to become a hunter.” Adam repeated. “I know there may be demons after me, and it would never let me have a normal life. I can’t go back to my job, to my college or to my friends.” He paused, staring at the angel. “I am still dead to the world. And I see no sense in go wandering around, running from things that want to kill me.”  
  
 ”You don’t need to do it. I will protect you from all of them.” Samandriel’s tone was so innocent and sincere that Adam almost wanted to believe it could be a possibility.  
  
 ”I don’t want to depend on an angel for my entire life.” He looked away. Memories of Zacharias and Michael came into his mind, and he needed to delete them before continuing to speak. “And, well, you can’t stay here all the time. Heaven needs you.”  
  
 Now it was Samandriel’s turn to look away. He lowered his head, pondering his thoughts, and looked back at Adam. His expression was tense, but he tried to appear calm. “I prefer here.”  
  
 Adam blinked, confused. “Meaning?”  
  
 ”I…” The angel stepped forward and sat next to the blonde on the bed. All his movements were being watched. “Heaven forgot me in that prison. I wonder what would happen to me if they didn’t need me to rescue you.” He looked at Adam. “Castiel said once that all living beings have the right to choose, the right to be free. That we don’t need to blindly obey the orders given to us. But some angels don’t understand this. And unfortunately, these are the most powerful in Heaven. And after what happened…” Samandriel got a little tense and turned his head forward again, staring at the floor.  
  
 Adam was listening attentively. He seemed interested, curious. “What happened?”  
  
 Samandriel didn’t answer. No, that was too painful. He didn’t want to think about that.  
  
 But Adam was stubborn and wanted to know what the hell had happened to make the angel be like that. “Samandriel, what happened? You can trust me.”  
  
 Samandriel licked his lips, a bad habit that he ended up taking of his vessel. He took a few seconds to respond. “Civil War. The angels almost destroyed all Heaven. That left a few of us.” He paused. It was really painful to remember the war, the death of his brothers, and the fear that Castiel would never return to normal. “There were two sides: Raphael, who wanted another Apocalypse and wanted to dominate Heaven and Earth. And Castiel… who wanted to give us free will.” He laughed without any fun in his tone. He was so sad. “It’s really hard to convince a creature created just for following orders that exist choices and free will.”  
  
 ”Yeah, I know.” Adam added. “There was a closed-minded archangel inside me long enough to make me understand that.”  
  
 Samandriel looked back at him. “I wish none of this had happened.”  
  
 That was the first time Adam saw a angel looking sad. He could swear that soon Samandriel would be crying right there in front of him. And that made him sad too. He didn’t understand why, but it did. “Me too.”  
  
 ”Please, don’t become a hunter.” Samandriel asked and held both Adam’s hands with his own. He was going against the orders he had received, and perhaps this would have serious consequences. But he had to try, he needed to prevent Adam to take that dangerous road. “Don’t get inside this world.”  
  
 ”I will, Samandriel. Nothing will make me change my mind.” He said, and then frowned. “It’s weird, but I feel I must do it. I want to do it.”  
  
 Samandriel suddenly felt a cold sensation on his stomach. No, it couldn’t be. Heaven couldn’t have gone so far. If Naomi interfered with this human’s free will, she had gone too far. And that was as unjust as to force Samandriel to obey her by threatening to break the wall in Adam’s mind. “I will not leave your side.”  
  
 ”What?” Adam asked, confused.  
  
 ”If you will become a hunter, I want to help. I will be with you.”  
  
 ”No, you won’t.” Adam replied. He wanted to look tough, but he was too fond of that angel to force that. “I don’t know what Heaven want with me and why they rescued me, but I don’t need your help. Go home. Heaven must be a terrible mess right now, your remaining brothers need you.”  
  
 The angel sighed. “I presume you know how to kill demons, vampires, ghouls, wendigos, ghosts, how to draw a symbol against demons, angels…” As Samandriel spoke, Adam was becoming less confident. Hell, that angel was right. “Do you know how to use a gun?”  
  
 ”Fine!” Adam raised his hands in sign of giving up. “You won. I know absolutely nothing. Neither to hold a gun…” There was some embarrassment in his tone when he said that last thing. “You can come with me.”  
  
 A winning and cheerful smile formed on Samandriel’s lips. He was being forced by Naomi to follow Adam, but receive permission from him made the angel feel better. Less guilty. Maybe when he tell about the deal to get the wall, Adam would fully understand. Samandriel needed him to understand. And if that human was being forced to be a hunter without realizing, he wanted to be around to protect him. Castiel taught to have free will, and at that time Samandriel just wanted to go with Adam to wherever he was going.  
  
 ”But we’ll talk about it tomorrow. I need to sleep.” Adam said, and returned to lie down on the bed. His body was facing the wall. That house was ugly, and the anti-demons symbols made it worse. Adam didn’t want to look at it.  
  
 ”I will be here.” Samandriel pulled the blanket over the youngest body, accommodating it in the best way possible. He then rested his hands on his thighs and stared at the kid.  
  
 ”I won’t be able to sleep if you stand looking at me.” Adam already had his eyes closed, but he was awake. And troubled.  
  
 ”My apologies.” The angel hurriedly turned his body forward and stared at nothing.  
  
 Adam raised his head a little to peek up if Samandriel was still around. And when he saw him there, standing beside his body, he leaned his head against the pillow and snorted. Unbelievable.  
 But even feeling totally weird to have an angel sitting on his bed and knowing that he wouldn’t go anywhere all night, Adam felt he was protected. Nothing would happen to him with Samandriel there.  
 And when he fell asleep, Samandriel couldn’t handle it anymore and went back to look at him. It was less lonely when he could see the human breathing.  
  
  
 The next day was rainy, a little cold and windy.  
 Adam woke up a little after ten in the morning and the first thing he did was look for Samandriel. He rubbed his eyes and looked ahead, finding the angel still sitting beside him.  
  
 ”Good morning.” Adam said still very sleepy. “Were you here all night?”  
  
 ”Good morning!” Samandriel replied. He spent the night watching the younger, waiting for any sign of discomfort or nightmares. Fortunately, that was a quiet night. “I wanted to make sure that you would sleep well.”  
  
 Adam was silent for a few seconds. It was really weird to have an angel by his side with good intentions and guarding his sleep. Adam now had a guardian angel? It got to be comical considerating how angels destroyed his life. “I hope you haven’t been watching me all the time.” He said, getting up.  
  
 Samandriel just looked down. He didn’t want to make the other feel uncomfortable. Again.  
 He waited — without moving — Adam come back from the bathroom to ask him something. “What do you want to do now? I have healed your soul… almost completely, and now you have the wall in your mind.”  
  
 Adam was near the refrigerator grabbing something to eat, and some milk too. “I was thinking in the shower that it would be a good idea to go to my house and get some clothes and money.” Go home would be very difficult for Adam after everything that happened, he would have to have a lot of courage to step in there again. But since he had no clean clothes and money, that was needed.  
  
 ”Right. I will take you there.” Samandriel said and stood up, heading toward the young man with the intent to teleport with him to the house.  
  
 ”Hey, hey, hey!” Adam walked away before the other’s hand touched his head. “I will eat first!”  
  
  
 A few hours had passed since Adam woke up. Samandriel insisted to wait the rain to pass a little, because he didn’t want Adam have the risk of catching a cold. Adam wondered when he had asked a nanny to be with him.  
 And as soon as the rain stopped a bit, they went there.  
  
  
 Adam was beginning to regret it. Go home after everything that happened… Go home knowing that his mother wouldn’t be there caused a horrible feeling inside his chest. He just wanted it to be a nightmare. A long and painful nightmare, but that he could wake up and have his normal life again.  
 The young man sighed, outside the house. Apparently, no one tried to sell it after so many years. Even their car was still there. Adam went to one of the potted plants on the porch and took a spare key that was hiden under one of them. It was fortunate that it was still there. He then unlocked the door and put his hand on the knob, but didn’t open it. No, not yet. He had no strength.  
 Samandriel just watched from afar. He knew it was difficult for the human.  
  
 Adam took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, and finally opened the door.  
  
 The smell of dust was so strong that Adam sneezed a few times. The house was full of cobwebs, dust-covered furniture. It was totally abandoned. There were stains brown, almost black on the ground that resembled blood. Much blood, by the way. Adam looked into the house. Longing, sadness and a strong feeling of nostalgia invaded him.  
 Almost every time he arrived from his college or his job there was a smell of cookies coming from the kitchen. His mother usually wasn’t home, but she made sure to prepare something for her son before leaving home. Of course, Adam had to prepare his own dinner and put himself to bed, but there was always cookies and cakes in the kitchen. And now all he could feel was the loneliness of that house.  
 He exhaled again, trying to contain the urge to cry.  
  
 ”Adam?” Samandriel called him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go get your stuff.”  
  
 Adam ran his fingertips over his eyes and rubbed them a bit. His throat was tight because he was almost crying, so his voice was hoarse. “Sure. Let’s go.”  
  
 They climbed the stairs carefully, the wood seemed fragile. Upstairs, Adam went straight to his room. He wouldn’t even look in the direction of his mother’s room.  
 The room was still the same way that Adam left. Sure, it was as dirty as the living room and the smell of dust was equally strong. He walked over to the wardrobe and took out two empty backpacks to put his clothes.  
 Samandriel grabbed one of them, looking at it with curiosity, and tried to figure out how he could open it. And when he finally managed to open the backpack, he jerked it to take out the spiders. Adam did the same with the backpack in his hands.  
  
 ”Take only the necessary. Jackets, shirts and pants.” Adam said as he walked to the other side of the room. He wanted to take some pictures, his cellphone and his laptop.  
  
 Samandriel opened a drawer of the wardrobe, finding several pants inside. He picked up one by one with care to not deploy them. But the angel soon got distracted and started looking at Adam’s stuff. He was a very curious angel.  
 Samandriel found an old baseball glove between coats and shirts piled in the central part of the wardrobe. He didn’t understand what that object served for, even after looking all over it. He left it aside. The next thing he found was a lab coat. Samandriel remembered that Adam was a pre-med before he was killed. Knowing that he would be saving lives made the angel feel good. It’s a shame that it went wrong.  
 Sifting through a little more, Samandriel found some magazines under some shirts. He took the one that looked more weird for him.  
  
 ”Adam, what is this?” He asked as he began to look inside the magazine. And soon the content made him blush violently. “I- I don’t quite understand.” He added, staring at the magazine while still changing the leaves.  
  
 ”What?” Adam stopped what he was doing and went to Samandriel. And when he saw that the angel was flipping through a Playboy magazine, he immediately took it from his hands. “Jesus Christ! Don’t look at my stuff. What the hell!” He said exasperated, trying to hide the magazine behind his back. “Get out of there!”  
  
 Samandriel looked confused at him. “Why? I cannot see what is wrong in looking at pictures of naked women. Though I don’t understand why. This has to do with human copulation?”  
  
 Adam wondered what he did to deserve that. Each word that Samandriel said, the situation grew more embarrassing. “That’s not of your business. Now sit there and don’t touch anything else.” He pointed to the bed.  
  
 ”But-“  
  
 ”Now.” He kept pointing.  
  
 ”Sorry.” Samandriel lowered his head and walked to the bed and sat on it, his hands resting on his thighs. That really intrigued him, but Adam seemed very embarrassed, so he wouldn’t make more questions.  
  
 The silence engulfed the room. There was only the sound of the rain outside and the clothes being stored inside the backpacks. Samandriel kept looking at Adam’s stuff. He wanted to know everything about them, how the human managed to get them and what were its histories. Especially the history of a photo of Adam and his mother embraced, posing for the camera. “She was so beautiful.”  
  
 Adam didn’t need to look to know that the angel was talking about his mother, but he turned his head toward him anyway. “Yes, she was. She was a great person, never raised her voice to anyone.”  
  
 Samandriel smiled. “I wish I could meet her.”  
  
 Adam just smiled and closed one of the backpacks. He had caught enough. “Can I ask you something?”  
  
 ”Sure.”  
  
 The young man turned his body toward the angel. He was crouched near the wardrobe drawers. “How are you able to use a vessel without a soul? What happens to his body?”  
  
 Samandriel was silent for a moment. “It’s solitary in here.” He paused. “My Grace is now functioning as a soul. My whole being is present in this body as if it was really mine, so he is not dead.”  
  
 ”Oh I see.” Adam raised his eyebrows, impressed with what he heard. That information was really helpful. “Well, I’m done here. I’ll look on the kitchen for money, because I have none here.” He said and stood up, grabbing the backpacks.  
  
 ”I will go with you.” Samandriel grabbed one of the backpacks and followed Adam.  
  
  
 Downstairs, Adam went to the kitchen. Normally his mother left the money in the cabinet, in some cookie jar that they didn’t use anymore. And fortunately, there was still money there. Adam took the notes, placing them in the pocket of his jeans.  _Two hundred and fifty dolars, I think this will be enough to spend a few days._  He thought.  
  
 In the living room, Samandriel was waiting the younger come back. Adam didn’t like being followed all the time, so the angel chose to stay there.  
 But suddenly, that feeling of peace ended. Samandriel was feeling a bad presence approaching. Very bad indeed.  _Demons._  
  
 ”Adam, we have to get out of h-” Samandriel was interrupted by a kick on his back, which made him fall to the ground. He was distracted, so he didn’t notice when that demon — who was possessing the body of a young black-haired women — came inside the house.  
  
 ”Hello, little angel.” She smiled and prepared to kick the angel again. But this time he was alert and stood up, escaping from her.  
  
 Samandriel had only one Archangel Blade to defend himself, but it was useless against demons. Or he would fight, or he would try to flee with Adam as soon as possible.  
 But suddenly the human left the kitchen. Both creatures that were in the room looked at him. Adam didn’t understand what was happening there, but the smell of sulfur denounced who was that girl.  
  
 Well, and that other guy. The demon appeared behind Adam and threw him against the wall, while the other demon ran toward him. They were there to kill Adam and Samandriel needed to be quick.  
 He threw the Archangel Blade with all his strength toward the girl and hit her on the backs, making her fall to the ground. At the same time, the angel teleported to the front of the other demon, who attacked him quickly.  
 Samandriel had no experience in fighting. He spent most of his time in Heaven avoiding the training, and now it was prejudicing him. Defending the punches, he returned them with a kick in the stomach of that possessed man, throwing him away.  
  
 Adam was  lying on the floor. His back aching a lot. They had knocked him against a wall! He couldn’t move. “S-Samandriel!”  
  
 Samandriel put himself in front of Adam, using his own body as a barrier. If he ran away with Adam now, those demons would follow them. The only way was fight.  
  
 Thunders and lightning started to happen more often. Each flash revealed the angel’s spread wings, making a majestic shadow on the wall. It served as a warning to the demons stay away, and especially to enforce Samandriel’s superiority as an angel. He was ready to protect Adam, no matter what would happen.


	6. Hurt me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The demon lowered her body to Adam’s, like she was going to tell a secret. She rubbed her face against the human’s hair and her lips against his ear, almost biting it before whispering something. “You should be more careful about who you trust.”

 More than ever, Adam regretted returning home. He was able to move now, but wouldn’t leave behind Samandriel’s protection.  
  
 ”How did you get here? What do you want?” Samandriel did his best to sound nonchalant, like a celestial being superior to those dirty underworld’s creatures. The angel never cared about it before, but after being tortured for weeks by a demon, some things have changed in his head.  
  
 ”We felt his smell.” The demon who wore the girl’s body said. “He was stuck with our father, we want to ask some questions.”  
  
 Samandriel squinted his eyes. All his senses were alert, every movement of the other creatures were studied. And it seemed mutual. If any of them threatened to attack, it would start the fight. The angel stepped back slowly, without looking away from the demons. “Adam.” He whispered. “Do you think you can go to the kitchen?” One of the demons smiled.  
  
 Adam stared confused at the angel, but still replied in the same tone as him. “Yes.”  
  
 ”Get the salt.” And at the same moment that Samandriel said that, he went up to one of the demons.  
  
 Everything happened fast. Adam got up and ran to the kitchen, accompanied by the one who wore the girl’s body. His back was aching a lot, but he managed to get close to the cabinet and opened it. That demon seemed to play with him, because she wasn’t in a hurry to get to Adam. She thought it was too easy.  
 Adam managed to pick up the salt shaker, but before he could open it the demon drove a hand to him and hurled him against the cabinet doors.  
  
 ”Poor little thing.” She laughed. “So many years in Hell and didn’t learn a thing?” She threw Adam to the other corner of the kitchen. He tried to stand up, firmly grasping the salt shaker, but he was stopped by a kick in his stomach. He spat blood to the ground. “I thought my father would make you a better creature, but I see that the angels came first.” The demon lowered her body to Adam’s, like she was going to tell a secret. She rubbed her face against the human’s hair and her lips against his ear, almost biting it before whispering something. “You should be more careful about who you trust.”  
  
 Before he could think about what he had heard, Adam quickly opened the salt shaker and threw the salt all over the demon. Almost immediately, the girl’s body began to burn where the mineral touched the skin. She screamed in pain.  
 Adam didn’t know what to do. Ok, he knew he had to kill that demon, but he didn’t want to do it. There was an innocent girl there that had nothing to do with what was happening, and she would be killed just because she was being possessed. That wasn’t fair.  
 But suddenly, Samandriel came out of nowhere and threw the girl against the wall, causing her to hit her backs there. Adam was surprised, he didn’t think that that so calm angel could do such a thing. And as fast as he had arrived, Samandriel forced his right hand on the demon’s forehead and exorcised her with his Grace. The light that escaped from the eyes and mouth of that girl mingled with the smoke, until there was nothing there besides charred eyes and a strong smell of sulfur mixed with burnt flesh.  
 Adam didn’t know if he wanted to vomit because of the smell or because of the situation. He was breathing with difficulty while staring at the lifeless body on the floor.  
  
 Samandriel approached, worried. He hated to have to do that, but Adam’s life was in danger. “Are you okay?”  
  
 ”Don’t come near me.” Adam said, taking a step back.  
  
 The angel was confused, but obeyed. “You’re bleeding, let me heal you.” His voice was sweet, though he was getting more worried every second.  
  
 ”You killed them.” Adam’s breath was getting stronger. “There were two innocent people here and you killed them.”  
  
 ”Adam.” Samandriel tried to approach again.  
  
 ”Don’t come near me!” His voice was louder now. He stared at the angel. What that demon said to be careful about who to trust, the physical pain he felt, those two vessels innocents that were killed, those things were making him quite exasperated. He felt like something inside his brain was holding a large and furious wave that wanted to swallow everything. Things around him started to move and he felt dizzy, a loud and continuous noise in his mind was giving him a pretty bad headache. The wall was in danger. His mind was beginning to turn into a mess and he soon would lose control. He took a deep breath. “You… How could you?”  
  
 Samandriel didn’t understand. He had just saved Adam again, he had finally managed to fight and protect something that was precious to him. He was kinda pleased with that. Yes, it was bad having to take those people’s lives, he would feel horrible for a long time, but it was necessary. “I had no choice.”  
  
 ”Of course you had!” Adam took a hand to his stomach. It was really aching, too. “You can’t just kill someone without even thinking that there’re innocent people being used against their will. What will happen to their souls now? Angels will take them to Heaven and let them rot there?”  
  
 ”They are in a better place right n-“  
  
 ”Don’t start with that! There’s nothing better in Heaven.” Samandriel was startled, but that didn’t stop Adam. His headache was getting stronger while some flashes of Hell invaded his mind. The angel already noticed that there was something bad happening, but Adam didn’t let him come near. He was almost out of control. Again. “But how can you angels know that? You just follow orders, orders, and orders.” There was a bit of sarcasm in his tone. “Angels only use humans and don’t care about their lives. Nothing else matters. This is why I despise them. I thought angels were kind creatures, but they are just another kind of demon. Or worse than them.” Memories of Michael and Zachariah bubbled in his mind. The wave was stronger, he felt. And the trauma of being forced to be a vessel was making everything worse. “You angels disgust me. What do you want in return for help me? And how will you help me? You didn’t even save your own vessel, Samandriel.”  
  
 Samandriel blinked several times, taking a step backward. Those words had hurt more than the kick he got on his backs. His expression had changed, he was serious now, his eyes wet — he was sensitive to subjects that envolved Alfie because of his guilt. He wanted to understand why the hell Adam said those things and it was clear on his face. Even if the wall was in danger, that wasn’t a normal reaction. Samandriel was feeling very hurt. He didn’t know what was that feeling, but he knew it was bad. Samandriel liked Adam a lot, he  _knew_  he was already attached to him not only because he touched his soul. Really attached. And to hear those horrible things from Adam… It was bad to be mistreated by him since they came back from Hell, but that couldn’t be compared. Adam was disgusted of him? Adam accused him of leaving Alfie to die by neglect? Samandriel just wanted to be able to disappear and never feel anything again.  
  
 Adam swallowed. That expression made him stop talking, but he wasn’t less unsettled. He stared at the angel for a few seconds and then withdrew, going to his bedroom.  
  
 Samandriel continued static, his eyes staring at nothing now. He pressed his lips again while his eyebrows slightly gathered. A few tears escaped for his face. That was his problem: he felt too much. Perhaps because of having spent too much time watching humans, perhaps because he admired Castiel to much and left his mind open to new things. The fact was that no one ever taught him how to deal with feelings, and now he didn’t know what to do with them. Hide them wasn’t an easy thing for the angel, too.  
  
  
 A few hours had passed since the incident with the demons. It was already getting dark and the rain had worsened, but Adam didn’t care about that. He sat on his bed, his elbows resting on his thighs. He held a picture frame with a photo of his mother. Sometimes he needed to use his thumbs to dry the object, because his tears kept falling on it. Adam hadn’t stopped crying since he knocked the door behind him. His mind was already calming down, and it made everything worse. The terror of seeing two innocent people being killed was still present in his thoughts. Even if the intention was to stop the demons, it was horrible to see. He wondered if he could handle the hunter life. Why did he even want that?  
 Adam took a deep breath and kept staring at his mother’s face. He missed her so much… He wish she was there to advise him, to hug him and say that everything would be okay. And also, even though it had never happened before, he wanted to get a spanking. What the hell happened to him to say those things?! Poor Samandriel, he just wanted to help. And what Adam gave in return? He only mistreated the angel since they met. He was full of sarcasm, he get irritated by the smallest things, and now… Adam was too regretful and ashamed, he didn’t want to think about what he did. He didn’t want to _believe_  what he did.  
  
 But, as usual, fate wasn’t in his favor.  
 Samandriel knocked the door twice before opening it. He stared at the floor until he was inside the room. Adam didn’t look at him. He couldn’t.  
  
 An awkward silence took the room. Neither of them wanted to be the first to speak, so the situation continued for a few minutes. Until Samandriel exhaled heavily the air from his lungs. He took a few steps forward, but refrained from going further. His gaze was fixed on the wardrobe. “It’s late. We must go.”  
  
 But there was no response.  
 Samandriel hesitated, but finally went to where Adam was. His eyes were as red as the younger’s, but he hoped it wouldn’t be noticed. He bent forward and gently took it from Adam’s hands the picture frame, finally getting his full attention. Adam looked at him and this made both of them feel a beat of their hearts fail. Adam was embarrassed, Samandriel was hurt. And again the silence prevailed.  
  
 ”I’m sorry for taking their lives.” Samandriel finally said, and his words made Adam frown. Samandriel had nothing to apologize! The angel looked down as his hands gripped the human’s. He turned to look at him again. “But if you want to be a hunter, you need to get used to it. You will need to kill to survive or to save other people.”  
  
 Adam lowered his gaze for a moment. “I know.” His voice was still hoarse for crying for a long time.  
  
 The angel stared blankly at him, without saying a word. He was thinking about something to cheer Adam up, even after what he did. “There is a way to exorcise demons without killing their victims.” And this inevitably made Adam’s eyes shine a bit. “But it is very dangerous and the chances to get a good result are minimal.”  
  
 ”But it can work?”  
  
 ”Yes. You will need to memorize several exorcism words and train a lot how to hold a demon without getting hurt.”  
  
 Adam looked at their hands. That touch did make sure that everything was real. Unfortunately. So he looked back at the angel. “Can you teach me?”  
  
 Samandriel smiled. There was no joy in that smile, but he thought he could force himself to seem normal. “Sure.”  
  
 Adam smiled too. Samandriel wasn’t like the other angels, for sure.  
  
 He then took a hand to Adam’s face and gently landed it there. The intention was just to heal his physical pain and wounds, but Samandriel ended up leaving his hand there. Their gazes were still connected, and Adam could see better now how Samandriel was hurt. He was forcing himself to look good, but it was obvious that that was a lie. And that made he feel a huge tightness in his chest.  
 Adam opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He raised his right hand to the angel’s face and began to caress it with the back of his fingers. Very slowly, like if he afraid of breaking something. Well, more than he had broke. The touch made Samandriel close his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, his gaze seemed even sadder. He still didn’t understand what exactly he was feeling, neither why Adam said those things. And it was worse because he knew he shouldn’t be so hurt. It should be only a ungrateful human, like so many others. It shouldn’t be like the end of the world.  
  
 ”I didn’t mean what I said before.” Adam finally managed to form words and say them. The caress on one of Samandriel’s cheeks hadn’t stopped. “I don’t know what happened. It seemed to have a huge thing pressing my brain and I lost control almost the same way before I got the wall.” He tried to explain, but the angel’s intense look made everything difficult. “I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have said that about your vessel too. I’m not disgusted, I- I…”  
  
 ”It’s okay.” Samandriel said. “I’m just here to help. You don’t need to like me.”  
  
 ”No. That’s not it.” Adam lowered his hand. “You’re the only angel I know that treated me well. You’re not like the others. You’re good, generous, and especially patient. I should treat you the way you deserve.” That made Samandriel tilted head. Adam was getting more embarrassed, but he needed to say what he really thought. He needed to fix what he did. “I would never do anything to hurt you. Never. ‘Cause…” He stopped for a moment. “I’m feeling like the worst person in the world because I made you feel that way. I’m feeling this thing in my chest and I’m hating myself for saying those things. All I wish I could do now was…” He was starting to speak faster without noticing it. “I don’t know why I feel this, but I feel. Okay, maybe I know why, but I think this is too stupid to be true and it has no reason to happen. Well, maybe there  _are_  many reasons, actually, but… And everything seems to be happening so fast, but maybe they aren’t, and-“  
  
 ”Adam.” Samandriel interrupted. “Take it easy. I don’t understand what you are saying.”  
  
 Adam took a deep breath and looked away. Why does his mind have to do that? He needed to think straight at least once. There was another moment of silence. “I just don’t want to see you looking at me like that again.” It seems that one can only perceive what he feels when he is about to lose everything. “Just forgive me, please.”  
  
 Samandriel wanted to understand what Adam was feeling. After all, the boy himself admitted knowing what it was, and he should explain. But Samandriel wouldn’t force anything. “I forgive you.”  
  
 Adam looked back at the angel. “Really?”  
  
 ”Yes. You were out of your mind. It seemed the wall was being scratched and it made you lose control.” Samandriel got up. “You really don’t feel disgusted with me?”  
  
 ”I like you.” That wasn’t what Adam meant as a response, but it escaped. Blushing, he continued. “I mean, yeah. You’re a nice angel and you are taking care of me. I’ve no reason to be disgusted… I only saw Zachariah and Michael when I said those things. Those bastards make me feel really angry.”  
  
 Samandriel pressed his lips again. Those bad things that he felt were disappearing, and just to look at Adam was helping it.  _It’s so weird… but I believe it’s a normal thing to feel._  He smiled, now somewhat more real, even a bit shy. “I like you too. More than I should.”  
  
 Adam frowned. He didn’t know if he was surprised, confused or strangely glad to hear that. But before he could ask anything, Samandriel continued. “We need to go. I think what helped to attract those demons were the use of my powers. Let’s avoid using it and try not to attract the worse, right?”  
  
 The younger nodded. “Right.”  
  
  
 Downstairs again, Adam took one of the backpacks that were on the couch. He tried his best not to pay attention to the two corpses around, but it was pretty hard to do so. “Do you think the police will discover about this?”  
  
 Samandriel was getting another backpack when he heard that. “I don’t know. Your house is abandoned for more than three years. But, do you want to call them?”  
  
 ”Oh, no. Absolutely not.” He put his backpack. “Nobody here can know that I’m alive and the police would bring serious problems to us. Guess it’s better to leave them decorating this haunted house.” Adam frowned. He didn’t want to think about how terrible the situation was and what he had said.  
  
 ”Okay.” Samandriel looked down.  
  
 ”You okay, Samandriel?” The boy asked as he approached. He feared that the angel was still upset with him.  
  
 ”Yes, I’m fine. Shall we go now?” He stared at Adam.  
  
 ”Sure. But if you want to avoid using your powers, we are driving tonight. And I hope that car is still working.”  
  
 Samandriel just nodded as Adam went looking for his mother’s car keys.  
 He was actually feeling better now. That bad thing he was feeling for Adam had gone almost completely, but there was something bothering him. If Adam reacted that way because his wall was suffering pressure, what would happen if he found out Samandriel was hiding something from him? Perhaps the reaction would be worse than what happened that night. Especially if Naomi ask both of them to do something heinous. And now that Samandriel knew that Adam ‘like’ him, his insecurity increased. By the way, what does that ‘like’ really mean? He wished he could go to Castiel to ask him some advice or just to comfort him. Oh, how he wished that.  
  
 But whatever the result would be, Samandriel needed to tell Adam about the Words of God. They needed to find the Word about angels before the Winchesters and Castiel. He still didn’t know how to tell Adam without sounding that Heaven was manipulating him, but he would discover it soon. Even if it was with some angelic help.


	7. Heal me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Adam looked into the restaurant before opening the glass door. It was a little crowded, but there were a few vacant tables beside the large glass windows. Samandriel looked at almost everyone present and, fortunately, there was no sign of demons or monsters.”

 The road trip was very quiet. Samandriel was still a little tense and it worried Adam. Something was happening or the angel was still upset? Adam decided not to ask, and maybe it was better that way.  
 After Adam have changed his clothes by clean ones, and a few minutes trying, he finally managed to start the car and they were able to leave the house. It had been two hours and Adam wondered how far that ugly and abandoned house still was. And the rain didn’t help the situation.  
 Samandriel was sitting in the passenger seat. He was forcing himself to look as normal as possible. But in fact, the situation was terribly uncomfortable to him. Cars were tight, confining and slow. The smell of fuel and the rocking the car was making on the curves was torturing. Samandriel still didn’t believe how his wings had fit in there, especially by Adam’s side.  
  
 ”I need to eat something.” Adam said, ending that awkward silence.  
  
 Samandriel looked at him. “We are almost there. You can prepare something when we arrive.”  
  
 ”No, I need to have dinner. My body needs other things besides sandwiches and milk.” Adam was staring at the dark, wet road, but his attention was totally on the angel.  
  
 ”Oh, okay.” There was a moment of silence. “Where do you want to go? We have to be careful.”  
  
 ”I don’t know. Is there any restaurant around here?” Adam looked at the angel.  
  
 Samandriel didn’t answer. He suddenly disappeared and in three seconds he was back. “There is a restaurant a half an hour from here. No sign of demons there. Take the main road to the left.”  
  
 ”Wow.” Adam chuckled, turning his attention to the road. “You searched it in so little time? That’s cool.”  
  
 Samandriel smiled embarrassed. What he did was very simple, to hear something like that wasn’t expected. “But let’s not linger there, right?”  
  
 ”Don’t worry about it.”  
  
  
 The restaurant was on the roadside, some stores closed around, and there was also a petrol station across the road. It seemed to be a small and quiet town, but there were no signposts — or at least Adam didn’t see them —, it was hard to know what place it was.  
   
 Adam parked the car in one of the few available parking spots and turned off the car. He looked at Samandriel, who returned the action, and examined him the feet to the head. “You’re too formal for a simple night.” He said. “People will stare and we don’t need all this attention, right?”  
  
 Samandriel tilted his head. “You think?” He looked at the suit he was wearing. “Heaven made me wear these clothes.”  
  
 ”I figured it. Look.” He turned his body to the backseat and grabbed one of the backpacks. From inside, he took the smallest jacket he could find. Samandriel’s vessel was short and skinny, any of Adam’s clothes would be big on him. For a brief moment, it seemed adorable to Adam. “Wear this.”  
  
 Samandriel grabbed the jacket. It was a dark blue sweatshirt and seemed very comfortable. It had a zipper in the front, a hood of the same color and the smell of Adam’s perfume was still present. Well, this last detail shouldn’t be important, but Samandriel couldn’t ignore it. He took off his suit and handed it to Adam, and then immediately put on his sweatshirt. In fact, it was quite comfortable. But it was big and made him feel even smaller. Why couldn’t humans have the same size? It was hard to have to talk with some of them looking up, and now he was being swallowed by a sweatshirt. He adjusted his hood over his backs and looked back at Adam, expecting some approval look or comment.  
  
 Adam laughed a bit. “As I expected, it’s big on you. But it’s not that bad. Shall we go now?”  
  
 Samandriel nodded. “Let’s go.”  
  
 Both of them ran to the small balcony at the entrance of the restaurant to not get very wet. It didn’t work well, but at least they weren’t drenched by the rain. Adam looked into the restaurant before opening the glass door. It was a little crowded, but there were a few vacant tables beside the large glass windows. Samandriel looked at almost everyone present and, fortunately, there was no sign of demons or monsters. But yet he stood in front of Adam as they both went up to one of the tables next to the window. Just to make sure.  
  
 ”I think you can relax now, Samandriel.” Adam said after sitting in one of the two chairs. The table was oddly small, far different from most of the other in the restaurant hall, but he decided to ignore it.  
  
 The angel looked one more time at the people and sat down. That place was safe. Placing his hands on the table, he looked at the other boy. “I don’t want to be surprised by demons again. I can’t let you get hurt.”  
  
 ”Hey, hey. Don’t say it out loud. We are around ordinary humans here.” Adam warned softly. “And also, um, thank you.”  
  
 ”My apologies.” Samandriel looked away, checking if anyone was listening. “Are you feeling better? Without dizziness or pressure in the head?”  
  
 ”I’m fine.” Adam smiled slightly. “You’re not upset with me anymore?”  
  
 The angel tilted his head before answering. “I have no reason to be. Don’t worry.”  
  
 Adam looked down for a few seconds. He wanted to say something but was interrupted by a waiter. He then ordered the special of the house, which was something with breaded chicken, rice and salad, and a Coca-Cola can. It has been so much time since Adam ate decently, nor drank anything that he used to drink before his life turned upside down, so he was kinda anxious. “You want something?”  
  
 Samandriel just shook his head.  
  
 The waiter looked at them for a few seconds. They had chosen one of the favorite tables of the couples who frequented that restaurant, and it made him draw his own conclusions. But well, it wasn’t of his business, so he just wrote down the orders and withdrew himself.  
  
 ”This is the first time I’m doing human things.” Samandriel couldn’t contain the comment. “I always watched from afar, wondering how it would feel to do what humans do and feel what humans feel.”  
  
 Adam smiled. “Are you enjoying the experience?”  
  
 Samandriel could’ve responded that the torture was the worst thing that happened in his existence, but every moment he spent with Adam was making his coming to Earth worthwhile. Even if everything goes wrong in the end. “I like to feel the wind and the smells of Earth. And the human presence is very comfortable, especially here.” He licked his lips before continuing to speak. The angel was fighting with all his strenght to not hold those hands that were so close to his own — because of the size of the table —, and also the will to say everything he was feeling. Maybe it was time to learn how to lie or how to omit certain things, but Samandriel was too righteous about his feelings. “I like especially being with you.”  
  
 Adam could have sworn he felt his cheeks turning red. He smiled shyly. That angel really couldn’t hide anything. “When we have more time, I’ll show you more human things. Guarantee you’ll like it.” He said, trying to ignore what Samandriel said about him.  
  
 Samandriel nodded, a little awkwardly, and looked at their hands. No, it was stronger than him. It was impossible to resist, he needed it. And Adam was so pleasant that night, maybe he wouldn’t respond negatively. The angel slowly took his right hand to Adam’s left hand and held it, gently squeezing his fingers on it. The younger man looked at their hands for a few seconds before turning his hand enough to hold Samandriel’s one, too.  
  
 They smiled again, and Adam wondered when was the last time he felt so stupid like that.  
  
 He had decided that he would never mistreat Samandriel again. There was no reason for this. But the angel was making him feel so many different and very strong things, Adam didn’t know how to handle it and ended up reacting negatively. But that would change. He even thought about ignoring the fact that he swore to himself to not touch or hug Samandriel like he did before receiving the wall. And well, he was already doing it again. After all, what was the problem? It was just him and Samandriel, nobody else would know that Adam was so close to an angel like that. And his touch was able to bring him back to reality, which would be very useful since the wall seemed to be very fragile.  
  
 Samandriel was more relaxed now. The restaurant was cozy and that cold feeling disappeared completly. Holding the young man’s hand helped too. He was looking at Adam all the time, watching every change of expression. Ok, actually, he was much more interested in feeling Adam’s presence and soul. Samandriel looked at him intently, yet with serenity. Adam could feel he was something precious that had been given to the angel, just like the time on the balcony of that abandoned house. And that was really good. At least one person in the world- the worlds cared about him.  
 Both looked at each other for a long time without saying a word. They were entertained with their thoughts, and it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Only the two there.  
  
 But suddenly, the connection was broken by laughs. Adam looked to the side and noticed that two girls were observing them and whispering something. They were three tables away from them, almost in the middle of the hall, so it was impossible to hear what they were saying.  _Shit._  In another time, Adam might even like that attention, but now he just wanted to have a moment alone with Samandriel. No monsters, no worries. And after so long in Hell, conversations with strangers sounded annoying and unnecessary.  
  
 ”What is the problem, Adam?” Samandriel asked when he noticed the slight discomfort.  
  
 ”It’s nothing.” He sighed. “Oh, look. The waiter is coming.”  
  
 Adam broke the hand contact and hid his own under the table cloth. That was an almost instinctive reaction. He thanked the waiter after being served, who just smiled at him and withdrew again.  
  
 Picking up the cutlery, he looked at Samandriel. “You really don’t want anything?”  
  
 ”Angels don’t need to eat, Adam.” He replied with a slight smile on his face.  
  
 ”Okay then.” Adam looked back in the direction of those girls. They didn’t forget the presence of the two yet. It was almost annoying.  
  
 Samandriel settled himself better in his chair and stared the road for a moment. Still raining. It was true that angels don’t feel heat or cold, but Samandriel felt warm with Adam’s sweatshirt. It was almost like he was being hugged by him. The angel missed when he could embrace the human, when he could be much closer to his body. Oh, if Heaven found out about his desires… Samandriel didn’t want any more trouble. And, since when he wanted physical contact?  
 He looked back at Adam, who seemed pleased with what he was eating. It was good to see that the young man was better, that he was alive and out of that terrible place. And it was also good to have a moment to not having to worry about Heaven and what would happen in the future. Samandriel didn’t want to spoil the peace he was feeling at that moment, so he tried to forget all his problems.  
  
 ”Here, try this.” Adam picked up the Coca-Cola can, now with a straw, and offered it to the angel. As much as he was slightly troubled to be dining alone, he wanted Samandriel to experience more human things. And he also wanted him to feel good in any way possible.  
  
 The angel looked confused at the object. “What do I do with this?”  
  
 Adam couldn’t hold back a laugh. “You drink it.”  
  
 No matter how much Samandriel looked at the can, he didn’t discover how to drink it. Maybe using that thin plastic thing that came out of the object? It would be great if the angel could access the memories of his vessel now, because he was totally lost. He then took the can and the straw to his mouth, and deduced that he needed to suck it to drink the soda.  
 Adam looked at him with curiosity and expectation. It was the first time he was doing something cool with an angel, why not enjoy it? Samandriel drank the soda for a few seconds, without looking away from Adam’s eyes. He seemed a child doing something new.  
  
 ”What do you think?” Adam asked as he picked up some rice with a fork.  
  
 Samandriel put the can, half empty now, on the table. “It tastes funny.” He said. “But I liked it.”  
  
 Adam laughed again. “Great.” Maybe he could show Samandriel beers too, but the thought of a drunk angel with the habit of hugging him seemed a bad idea.  
  
 The angel smiled, a little more excited than he should. He apparently did something that made Adam happy, and it caused a strange feeling of victory.  
 But suddenly, that good atmosphere was interrupted by a different and unfriendly energy coming from some corner of the restaurant. Samandriel looked to the side, searching for the guilty, while Adam went back to eating. He hadn’t noticed it. Good.  
 Samandriel looked at each person in the room, one by one, until he saw a strange fellow standing next to the hallway leading to the bathrooms. The man wore a black overcoat and seemed to be among his early thirties, with brown hair, grey eyes and a beard to do. He was staring at the table where the two were sitting.  
  
 ”I need to go to the bathroom.” Samandriel said, without taking his gaze from that strange figure.  
  
 Adam frowned. “Are you serious?”  
  
 ”Very serious.” The angel stood up. “Don’t go anywhere. I will be right back.” And without giving chances to the younger to ask more questions, he withdrew.  
  
 Adam stood still, looking at Samandriel as he moved away. What the hell?  
  
 With more hurried steps, Samandriel approached the man, who was now entering the men’s room. The angel hastened even more now, his expression was serious and even a little angry.  
  
 Once they were both inside the bathroom and fortunately alone, Samandriel grabbed the man’s shoulder and pushed him against the wall, holding him with his right hand while an Archangel Blade appeared on his left hand. “What are you doing here, Nathaniel?”  
  
 The man laughed. That behavior was hilarious to him. “Oh, Samandriel. You should know.” He said ironically. “Why are you taking so long to go after the Word about angels?” His tone was more serious now.  
  
 Samandriel pressed his own lips and pushed the man more firmly against the wall. “Don’t worry about it. I will go after it very soon.”  
  
 Nathaniel squinted his eyes, staring at the younger angel with disbelief. “Samandriel, I don’t believe.”  
  
 Samandriel relaxed a little his facial muscles. He was suspicious now. “You don’t have to believe anything. Just say to Naomi to wait.”  
  
 ”No, you stupid little angel.” He pushed the other with his hands. “You’re falling.” His tone was a mixture of disbelief and worry now. “I can feel and see it in your eyes. Are you, as they say, in love with that boy?”  
  
 The other angel swallowed, feeling his cheeks burning. He had never thought that way about what he was feeling for Adam. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”  
  
 ”Samandriel, brother, don’t make this mistake. You know you can’t get close to humans, especially Adam Milligan.” Nathaniel approached, placing a hand on the younger’s shoulder. “You saw what happened to Castiel when he approached those humans.”  
  
 Samandriel looked down for a moment before returning to stare at his brother. “Castiel was just following his heart. I won’t regret if I do the same.” His words were as firm as his gaze.  
  
 Nathaniel took a step back. “Don’t ruin this mission, little brother. Or I will have to intervene, and you will not like it.” And with a beat of wings, he disappeared.  
  
 Samandriel pressed his lips again, annoyed. He didn’t know which problem to address first: the fact that he would have to hurry up with that mission and prevent Heaven to intervene with their dubious ways, or with the fact that he was falling for Adam in every sense of the word.  
  
  
 Adam had finished his dinner and had also paid the bill when Samandriel returned. He could have sworn that the angel was pale. “Are you okay?”  
  
 ”Can we go now?” Samandriel tried to look normal, but failed. He was anxious to leave that place, afraid that something else could happen to spoil that so nice night.  
  
 ”Sure.” Adam said, suspicious.  
  
 The rain had passed almost completely, but the cold wind was still present. Adam closed the restaurant door behind him and walked with the angel to the other corner of the balcony. It was more quiet and reserved there. “What happened in the bathroom?”  
  
 Samandriel thought for a moment before answering. “I thought I saw a demon, but I was wrong.” He approached Adam and took his hand again, lacing their fingers. His head was low. “We should go now.”  
  
 Adam also laced his fingers with the other ones, sighed and dropped his head to get eye contact with the angel. Samandriel returned the look, and followed Adam when he raised his head. The young man wanted to ask what was happening, but he wouldn’t be insistent. Not this time. He trusted the angel. “It’s okay, Samandriel. We are safe here.”  
  
 Samandriel just smiled slightly. Perhaps things would go to a happy end if he does everything right. Perhaps.  
  
 And again in that night, they stood there, just looking at each other. After they had that little disagreement between them, it seemed they were closer now. The fact that he hurt Samandriel made Adam realized what that angel really meant to him and, well, Samandriel had been involved from the moment he touched Adam’s soul. It just took a while to realize. And, on that balcony, they were also physically closer.  
  
 Almost instinctively, Adam took his free hand to Samandriel’s face and held it slightly while the thumb slowly stroked his cheek. After a few seconds just staring into those big blue orbs the angel had, he approached his own face until his lips touched Samandriel’s ones. The touch was gentle, careful.  
 The angel pressed his hand with the one he was holding as his eyes were closing, and even with the surprise of that kiss and not understanding very well what was happening, Samandriel let it happen.  
 But the touch didn’t last long. Adam pulled his face a few inches, enough to look at Samandriel’s eyes again. His heart was beating so hard that it seemed to want to jump from his chest, and his cheeks were almost red. What the hell happened to him to do that? It wasn’t the time or place for that. What if the angel had rejected him? What if he was going too fast? But it was hard to resist the proximity and, dammit, Samandriel was cute not just physically. And now that he had kissed him, it was being even harder to resist. Without thinking twice, Adam pressed his lips against the angel’s again, now with a little more passion.  
 His two hands were now holding Samandriel’s face, and he soon opened a bit his lips to make way for his tongue. Samandriel startled a little when he felt something warm and wet touching his lower lip, and almost broke the kiss. He had no idea what that meant, but let it happen again, because it was Adam there. He was kissing him and it was much more than the angel wanted. It was much better, in fact.  
 Adam smiled briefly because of the other boy’s reaction, and continued the kiss, now caressing Samandriel’s tongue with his own and freely exploring its taste. Which, by the way, was sweeter than Adam thought. Wait, since when he thought about it?  
 The angel didn’t know what to do with his tongue, that kiss was very new and unfamiliar thing to him, so he just followed what Adam was doing. And the result was being very satisfactory. Samandriel then wrapped the younger’s waist with his arms and squeezed him in a hug. His backs was almost against the wall, but he still raised his own body with the toes to be able to help his height. He concentrate now just on the kiss, and wondered when was the last time he felt that good. Or maybe he had never felt like that.  
  
 And again in that night the rest of the world weren’t important to them. After all that happened to them, after Hell and Heaven, to have a moment of peace and… love was something really good. They needed and deserved that.  
 But after a minute, the sound of a door being opened and voices came from behind Adam and this consequently stopped the kiss. Samandriel followed Adam’s lips when he pulled away. He didn’t want to stop now! But this idea was soon forgotten when he noticed half a dozen of humans leaving the restaurant. They seemed too entertained to notice the two in the corner of the balcony.  
  
 Adam took a step backward, totally embarrassed. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- I don’t know what happened to me. I just…” He took a deep breath and looked at anywhere that wasn’t the angel.  _Dammit, Adam. What’s wrong with you?_  
  
 Samandriel was as embarrassed as Adam, and confused too. “It’s… fine.” He brought his fingertips to his own lips and looked down. He could still feel the touch there and it made him blush even more. A so simple and strange act, but managed to make him feel really good and warm. “I liked it. It was good.”  
  
 Oh heavens. Those words only made him more embarrassed. But Adam was feeling unusually well and happy with what happened. After a bad afternoon, that was the best thing that could happen. And for someone who hated all- almost all the angels, Adam was more than pleased with it. He smiled and looked back at the other boy. “One more human thing you experienced today. But this one you only do with who you like, understand? Like, not with friends or family.”  
  
 Samandriel looked back at Adam, amazed. Of course he knew that humans kissed when they liked each other, but that confirmation made him smile. So, Adam really liked him that way? Samandriel was so happy he could hug Adam again, but he contained himself.  _Not too fast, angel._  “I understand.”  
  
 ”Great.” Adam smiled again. That would generate a very strange road trip back to that house, but he didn’t care. “Well, you were rushed to leave. Let’s go now?”  
  
 Samandriel just nodded and walked while Adam held his hand again.  
  
  
 A bit far from the restaurant, next to a tree, Nathaniel watched the two go back to the car. He sighed, shaking his head. “You’re not giving me a choice, little brother.”


	8. Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Samandriel didn't answer. He was too busy thinking about what to do and how to react when the inevitable happen. And when he finally had a concrete answer to give to Adam, someone knocked on the door."

 The rain had passed when they came to that house.  
 The trip was a bit strange after what happened at the exit of the restaurant. So, to make things more comfortable, Adam asked Samandriel about angels, Heaven and... he didn't stop talking! It was funny how he talked and how much gestured, he didn't even seem to be an 'Angel of the Lord'. Adam wondered if Samandriel participated in wars in Heaven. He was too different from the other angels.  
  
 Arriving to the house, Adam left the car beside it and turned of the car.  
  
 "Can I keep this?" Samandriel asked Adam as he opened the door of the house.  
  
 "What?" He asked confused.  
  
 "The jacket... It's more comfortable than the suit." The angel replied awkwardly.  
  
 And that made the young man unable to contain a smile. "Sure."  
  
 Samandriel smiled too. "Thank you. Will you sleep now or will we start training?"  
  
 Adam left on the bed the backpack he was carrying and looked at Samandriel in silence for a few seconds. He was sleepless and, well, why not enjoy the presence of the angel a bit more?  
He sat up on the bed and left out a long sigh. "We can start training. How do we do this?"  
  
 "I have everything here." Samandriel touched his head with his forefinger. "I just need something to draw the symbols."  
  
 "Oh, I brought with us a notebook, some pens and my laptop. We can use it." He opened the backpack to catch those things.  
  
 "Great, then!" Samandriel smiled.  
  
  
 That night was over as quickly as it had begun. Adam was glad to be fine with Samandriel after what happened at his house. He wanted to forget what happened there and never left that happen again. And even after the kiss, things weren't weird between them. Well, they were more shy now and even with the desire to repeat what they did in the restaurant, neither of them could make the first move.  
  
 Samandriel began with the symbols for demons. He drew one by one, explaining them and once in a while he looked at Adam to see his expression. He seemed quite interested.  
 Sitting on the floor of that house, they stood there, studying, writing and drawing until Adam could no longer keep his eyes open.  
 This would be repeated many times.  
  
  
 Some days passed and they continued with their studies. Adam wanted to learn everything as fast as possible, just as he used to do in college, even if it consumed a lot of his energy. But what else could he do? His life was basically that now. And Samandriel didn't get tired that easy, so they could study and train as much as they could.

 There were days when Adam, on the other hand, just locked himself in the bathroom when he was showering and stayed there for hours, crying. He still couldn't understand and accept that the life he was struggling to get wouln't happen. Ever. All the study, all the time and hopes, nothing mattered anymore. After Heaven and Hell, the only thing he had now was a life of someone who wasn't even considered alive. Adam was dead to the society and he felt he was dead inside, too. Maybe he was never alive after being eaten by a ghoul and brought back from Heaven. Maybe he was just a body with a battered soul inside it that walked and talked without feeling the slightest will to live. The only thing he felt was pain, sadness, anger and... something tender and pure. He felt as if all his emotional wounds disappeared every time he saw or touched Samandriel. Maybe that was what was keeping him alive. Or wanting to wake up. Because, after all, where would he go if he die again?  
  
 Samandriel always sat on the bed, staring at nothing and waiting in silence. He knew that Adam cried every time he locked himself in the bathroom, but the angel pretended not to know anything. That made the boy comfortable. If he didn't want to talk about it, they wouldn't talk about it.  
  
  
 Adam lied on the floor of the house when they finished another lesson about symbols. It was as exhausting as Adam's college textbooks. And the invocations and exorcisms? Worst. But Samandriel was a good teacher and made it all easy to learn. And every time he smiled for Adam being able to draw something properly, it warmed his chest.

 Samandriel sat beside him, reading some of the boy's notes. He liked his handwriting. Sometimes he paid attention only to the 'a' and the 'd' that were making a perfect curve, and even the  weird 'r' seemed pretty to him.  
  
 The angel was totally entertained in his reading when a hand touched his back. "Can you lie down with me for a moment?"  
  
 He looked at Adam, a little surprised with the question. That was the first time Adam allowed that kind of physical contact since that other angel placed the wall in his mind. It made Samandriel feel... happy.  
 And he quickly responded to the request, carefully lying next to Adam, who just smiled and turned to face him, pulling him into a hug. "It's better now."  
  
 Samandriel hesitated, he was a little confused by what was happening, but wrapped Adam's waist with one arm.  
 Their faces were very close now. Too close. And the angel couldn't resist the temptation to go a little closer and touch the lips of the other blonde. If they did it once and nothing bad happened, what's the problem in doing it again? And Adam didn't seem surprised or angry. He even returned the act. So, Samandriel opened slightly his lips and waited for Adam to do the same and make way for his tongue to begin a long, lazy kiss.  
  
 That was a pleasant afternoon. It was cold and seemed to darken earlier than normal. It was a good afternoon to do nothing beside being embraced with someone and to watch a movie. But they had neither television or sofa, so the way was to continue like that. Though it wasn't that bad.  
  
 And it was so strange for Adam! He was out of Hell, in an abandoned house learning things about demons and ghosts, kissing a celestial creature and falling in love with him more and more. For who imagined being a successful doctor, that was the last thing he expected to happen. He hated what had happened to his life, hated what they did to him in Heaven and Hell, but Samandriel was a light in the darkness. He was his safe haven.

 And more than ever, he would need security that day.  
  
 A car engine noise could be heard coming from some part of that forest. Alarmed, Samandriel stopped the kiss and sat down.  
 Adam didn't understand what was happening, but he did the same. "What happened?" He asked with a tone of worry because of the startled expression the angel had on his face.  
  
 Samandriel didn't answer. He was too busy thinking about what to do and how to react when the inevitable happen. And when he finally had a concrete answer to give to Adam, someone knocked on the door.  
 Samandriel swallowed and looked at the young man, who looked back totally confused and worried.  
  
 "Should I open it?" Adam asked quietly. He thought it could be some curious person wondering if that house was really abandoned, but Samandriel's expression made him doubt that.  
  
 And more hits on the dor, now impatients. "Adam, they're here. They-"  
  
 Samandriel was interrupted by a loud bang. The person who knocked on the door broke it with his shoulder, and soon was invading the house with someone else.  
  
 The silence filled the air. Samandriel didn't know what to do, and the others were too stunned to say anything. He and Adam got up, still staring at the invaders.  
  
 Sam and Dean Winchester. His brothers, right there in front of him, staring at Adam like he was a miracle. A miracle that they didn't know if was caused by good or evil.  
 Sam seemed excited and even a little happy for the surprise, but Dean... He stood there, staring directly at Adam. He didn't know what to feel, how to react, and if he could believe what his eyes were seeing.  
  
 "You..." Adam said. His voice sounded calm, but all the hate and disappointment he felt in Hell was taking him again. He couldn't believe it was real. It couldn't be!  
  
 Sam came a little closer and, out of nowhere, threw holy water on Adam just to make sure it was him. The boy showed no reaction other than close his eyes. Of course, it increased his anger, but there were more important things than dried clothes.  
  
 With the certainty that it was indeed his half-brother, Sam smiled happily. "Adam, you're alive! You left the Lucifer's cage!" He said, quite excited and surprised. He tried to get closer, but stopped himself. Adam didn't seem friendly at all. "How... What are you doing here?"  
  
 Adam didn't reply. He was staring at Dean, and with so much intensity that seemed he wanted to melt him with his gaze. He was so angry, so hurt. The man who left him rotting in Hell was right there in front of him. The man who should have accepted Michael, the man who included him in his family and left him alone.  
 Adam believed that Dean had left him in Hell. He knew Sam was chosen by him, Lucifer never left him forget and, well, distorted things to feed even more the hatred and sorrow of the poor boy.  
  
 Dean also believed that he left Adam. He thought he could have done something to save his half-brother. He also believed that it was all his fault for not being able to do anything, for not beeing able to say "yes" to Michael. Seeing Adam there should make him feel better, but he couldn't. No matter how much he looked at his youngest brother, he couldn't stop feeling guilty and angry at himself.  
  
 But what could they do? Angels manipulated both of them and Dean had no choice but to save only one of his brothers.  
  
 "What are  _you_  doing here?" Adam asked. The calm in his voice was gone. He was getting angrier and that was clear. And Samandriel watched him, alert to any sign that Adam was not feeling well.  
  
 "We were investigating something, and Cas appeared saying that something very strange was happening involving an angel... and asked us to take a look around here." Sam explained. "But I never thought you'd be here!" He looked at Samandriel for a few seconds. "What are you two doing here?! How did you get out of Hell?"  
  
 "Look, it's none of your business." Adam replied. "You have nothing to do with my life and I don't want to look at your faces one second longer." He pointed to the broken door. "Get the fuck out."  
  
 "Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. You appear out of nowhere in an old house full of symbols against demons and expect us to go away like nothing had happened?" Dean said. "You are our brother."  
  
 Oh, that... Adam laughed. If Dean knew how furios he was making Adam feel, he wouldn't say that. "Are you kidding? Now I'm your brother? You left me in that room for an archangel possess me and throw me in a cage in Hell, then choose to leave me behind and now want explanations because I'm your brother? I think you should go fuck yourself, Dean."  
  
 Dean smiled sarcastically. "Look, Sam. We're dealing with an adult here." He said, getting a very negative reaction from Adam. Samandriel needed to hold him.  
  
 Sam took a deep breath and looked sharply at Dean. He had other conversations with Adam before and he knew very well that the boy had a strong personality and could be even more audacious than Dean. If they didn't take care, everything could get worse and Adam and Dean would soon be slapping each other.  
 And there was also that strange guy staring at them all the time as if he was going to attack them if they touched a finger on Adam. "Take it easy, guys. Adam, look, we know what you went through in Hell, and-"  
  
 "Oh, shut up." Adam interrupted him angrily. "You have no idea what I went inside there. You think that was bad for you, Sam? Yeah, it got worse when they only had one to discount the rage. And if that wasn't enough, I found that my 'elder brother' and his angel left me behind because your life is surely much more important than mine." The sarcasm was overflowing his mouth.  
 Of the few things that the wall left escape, there were the knowledge about Dean and Castiel choosing Sam over him and some of the times in which Lucifer filled his head with accusations against the Winchesters. And now it seemed that other things were returning, along with a headache. "You are not my family... You never were and you- you will... n-never..." He was couldn't continue. The pain was getting stronger and a high-pitched noise inside his mind made everything worse. Adam was so upset by the presence of the Winchesters that the wall couldn't stand it. He was in danger again.

 Placing his hands on his head, Adam arched his body because of the pain and quickly everyone in the room was worried.  
  
 "Adam?!" Samandriel asked, holding the human by the arm and backs.  
  
 "What's happening?" Sam approached them, as much as Dean, but they were unable to continue because the look Samandriel gave to them clearly said they couldn't take any step closer. It would be worse if they touched Adam and he wouldn't let anyone make him feel bad. Anyone.  
  
 Adam moaned in pain and leaned against Samandriel using a hand, holding him tightly. It seemed that this time a touch wasn't enough. The memories and hallucinations were coming with so much force that could break the entire wall at once. Why the hell did Sam and Dean need to appear there? Adam shouldn't see them. Ever!  
  
 "It's the wall." Samandriel said. "It's breaking. Adam, please, calm down!" He held the human firmer now, looking into his eyes in a way that now mingled affection and worry. Dean realized that, but said nothing. That wasn't the time for it.  
  
 Just like the other times, the place around Adam began to catch fire and seem to be moving. It made Adam feel dizzy and the headache didn't help on that. And there was also all the anger and disappointment brought back by the presence of his brothers. The boy was about to explode.  
 Therefore, using one hand, Samandriel touched Adam's head and used a bit of his power to make him unconscious enough to stop the hallucinations. There still could be nightmares and Adam could be unconscious for a day or two, but the angel could deal with this better than a wall starting to fall and Adam wouldn't suffer that much.  
  
 Dean helped to put the boy on the bed. He knew how bad Hell was, but Adam stood there much more than him. Than anyone with a pure soul could deserve. So he was pretty worried, as much as Sam, who shared the cage with that boy.  
  


 Passed all that distress to see Adam in danger, Dean started to speak again. "Ok, Alfie, it's time to explain what the hell is going on." He had recognized Samandriel when they entered that house, but the shock of seeing Adam there stopped him from commenting anything. "And why are you here, too. What does Heaven want this time?"  
  
 Samandriel was sitting on the bed next to Adam. He rubbed his hands on his knees, nervous, and looked at the unconscious human before turning back to Sam and then to Dean. "Well, you know... Heaven's plans were for you, as the vessels of Lucifer and Michael, to start the Apocalypse and bring peace to this world. Adam shouldn't be involved. What Zachariah did..." There was a brief pause. "It wasn't natural Adam be the chosen and fall with Lucifer. Heaven is only fixing the error that the angels committed with this kid." Samandriel said those words with a straight face. He needed to sound as convincing as possible, or they would supect that there was something else behind all that.  
  
 Dean crossed his arms. He wasn't buying that excuse Samandriel gave to them. "Then Heaven decided to be nice and take Adam out of Hell and, what, lock him in a house in the middle of nothing filled with anti-demons symbols so nobody could bother him? Very logical." He dropped his arms. "Look, Alfie, this doesn't sound right. We know what Heaven is capable of doing and this kid has been manipulated enough. He doesn't deserve this."  
  
 Samandriel sighed. He was already feeling guilty, and hear that made him feel worse. But those were his orders! In the end, it would be worth it. Adam would be safe... and probably hating him. The angel lowered his head, visibly sad. This only increased Dean's suspicions. "Not all angels are evil..." He looked back at Dean. His eyes weren't showing that 'stay away' sign anymore. They were just... sad. "I won't let anything bad happen to Adam. No matter what I have to do or who I have to face." His tone was firm and sure of all the words he was saying.  
  
 And Dean instantly understood what the angel meant. It was clear that, like Castiel, he would do whatever was necessary to accomplish his mission. Be it in favor of Heaven or in favor of his heart.  
  
 "You two are... together?" Sam asked out of nowhere.  
  
 "Sam."  
  
 "I'm just asking!" He frowned, looking at Dean. After all, what's wrong in that? It was just curiosity, alas.  
  
 Samandriel looked away. He felt his cheeks burn because of that question. They weren't exactly together, but it was more than obvious that there was something going on between them.  
 He didn't answer. That situation was too awkward. He just wanted it to be over as soon as possible.  
  
 "Look, whatever. If the two lovebirds are up to something, we'll find out. And it would be much better if you or him tell us first." Dean warned. "This wall, it'll hold out? This kid is pretty hotheaded and ill-tempered."  
  
 "If nobody make him have memories of Hell or make him feel uncomfortable, the wall will be perfect."  
  
 "Okay, we're not going to get close. We get that." Sam said.  
  
 "But we'll be watching you." Dean said. "If anything happens, don't hesitate to call us, Alfie."  
  
 "Nothing will happen." Samandriel replied a little impatiently.  
  
 Ignoring that, Dean took one of the papers that were on the floor, a pen and wrote a few phone numbers on it. And it was the moment he noticed all the symbols and anotations the angel and Adam were doing. What the Hell? If they were trying to hunt any demon, Dean was going to intervene. Or maybe Adam was just trying to defend himself? Dean needed to think about it with more calm and would search for Adam again to have a good and long talk.

 "Here's our numbers and our friend's.  _Call us_  if something happens." His tone was making that more an order than a suggestion.  _And if you two try to run away from us, we'll put Cas to search you._  
  
 The angel stood up and took the paper. "Okay. I will call... if something happens."  
  
 "Good boy, flyboy." Dean looked at Adam now, who seemed strangely in peace. It was good to see that he was alive. It was good to know that someone was watching him, even being very suspicious.  
 But all the distrust and guilt were gone for a moment, leaving only the strong feeling of a worried older brother. "He'll be okay?"  
  
 "Adam is strong. Even after all that he suffered in Hell, his soul is still pure." Samandriel commented as he looked at the youngest brother. "He will be fine."  
  
 "Right." There was a second of silence. "Well, you know, anything you two need... anything at all. Just call and we come to help." Dean kept saying as he walked to the door with Sam.  
  
 Samandriel just smiled in response, nodded and then sat down on the bed again. His whole attention was now turned to Adam, so he didn't notice when the two brothers were gone.  
  _Oh, Samandriel, you stupid angel. Of course they will not believe it and will hunt you down._  He thought while lightly stroking the blonde hair of other boy.  _But I need to protect him and keep Heaven away from these humans._  
  
  
  
 "We'll really go and leave Adam that way, unconscious on a bed with an angel we don't know if we can trust?" Sam asked as he opened the Impala's door.  
  
 "Alfie is a cool angel. He will take care of Adam." The elder replied. "I didn't believe what he said, of course, but he won't hurt the kid. Heaven needs him safe and sound, or they wouldn't have taken his ass out of Hell." He opened the car door, but didn't enter. "I don't know what they want with him, but I'm sure it's not a good thing, Sam." He looked away for a moment. Leaving Adam again to his own was making Dean feel terrible and guilty again, but what could he do? Samandriel was very defensive and he wasn't going to face an angel alone. Especially when he was like a very powerful watch-dog that would bite the shit out of anyone who would try to approach the youngest brother. "Adam is still very shaken, so we need to investigate from afar." He finally entered the car, followed by Sam. "Let's talk with Cas."


	9. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”A bad feeling invaded Adam’s chest, and it was so strong he felt dizzy. No, Lucifer was lying. Samandriel saved him, they were in fact on Earth in that house and… together. That couldn’t be a lie. ‘I don’t believe you. This is a hallucination, not Samandriel.’”

 Everything was burning. The room where Adam was, the walls, everything. Screams of pain and dispair could be heard coming from outside the place the human was, and they were really loud.

 Adam was back in the Cage.

 But looking around, he didn’t see Michael, nor Lucifer. Where were them? Was that place real? It couldn’t be. Or all those days on Earth was a hallucination and he didn’t even leave Hell? Adam was starting to feel really nervous, his breath was strong too.  
  
 ”Here we are again.” A male voice behind Adam said.  
  
 ”You… What are you doing here?” He asked after turning his body to face that person.  
  
 ”Don’t be silly. This is where I live since my Father banned me from Heaven and my brother locked me.” A bitter chuckle came out of his mouth. “Funny, isn’t it? You love your family, and they do this to you. They send you to Hell and lock you here until they forget your existence.”  
  
 Adam lowered his gaze, but didn’t say anything. He left Lucifer continue his speech.  
  
 ”You know that Dean and Sam aren’t your family. They just care about them, but you know that too. And here we are, a bastard talking to a renegade. And, of course, the good son that manipulated you, too. But he doesn’t want to talk now.”  
  
 ”Is it real?” Adam finally asked. “Am I still in the cage?”  
  
 ”Yes, you are. Did you ever leave it?”  
  
 A bad feeling invaded Adam’s chest, and it was so strong he felt dizzy. No, Lucifer was lying. Samandriel saved him, they were in fact on Earth in that house and… together. That couldn’t be a lie. “I don’t believe you. This is a hallucination, not Samandriel.”  
  
 ”Samandriel?” Lucifer frowned. He didn’t remember any Samandriel, but a slight feeling was telling him that that was another angel. And as soon he realized that, he also realized what was going on. “Come on, Adam. He is an angel. An  _angel_. You can’t trust them.”  
  
 ”He’s different!” Adam replied angrily.  
  
 ”He lies. I thought you have learned your lesson with Zachariah, Michael and Castiel.” He nodded, as he was confirming his own thoughts. “But as much you deny it, you’re John’s son. You will never learn. Trust the Devil when he says someone is lying.”

_“You should be more careful about who you trust.”_  Adam remembered that demon’s words and it made he feel worse. He always felt something was out of place, that Heaven didn’t save him just to fix the angels’ mistakes. But would Samandriel be lying? No. He was different. He was… different. Adam knew it.

 ”You are just a pawn. A reserve player that Heaven needed to use. Now, if Dean can’t be used again, they just have you to use for their plans. Your destine is to be used and die because of your blood, and you can’t run from this.” Lucifer started to walk toward Adam very calmly and holding his hands behind his backs. “And we will play again, like old times.”

 ”No.” Adam stepped back. “It won’t happen. It will never happen.”

 Lucifer smiled, nodding again while squinting. “Yes, it will.”

  
  
 With a loud gasp and widely opening his eyes, Adam woke up. His hands were holding tight the bed sheet and as soon as he was awake, he started to hyperventilating.  
  
 ”Adam, calm down.” Samandriel, who was sitting by his side on the bed, held Adam’s face with one hand and forced him to look at him. “You’re safe. It was just a nightmare. Calm down, please.” He was visibly worried.  
  
 ”Samandriel?” Adam asked between his breath. “Where am I? Please, where…” He held the angel’s hand with one of his own. “Tell me I’m out of Hell.”  
  
 ”You are out of Hell, Adam. You are on Earth with me.” He tried to smile, just to pass comfort to the human. “I’m here with you. I never left your side.”  
  
 Lucifer’s words were still very vivid in his head and all that pain was still there. Adam was feeling so bad and lost he couldn’t hold back the tears. His cry mixed with his errant breath, and it just made Samandriel feel his heart being smashed. Poor boy. He didn’t deserve that.  
 The angel pulled Adam’s body closer to him, making him sit on the bed too, and hugged him as tight as he could. He wanted to say something to comfort him, but he knew that there were no words that could make Adam feel better. Heal him again? They agreed that Samandriel wouldn’t use his angel powers all the time not to draw the other creatures attention, so the angel would just use it in a extreme cases. He just didn’t know if that was one of them.  
  
 Adam was holding him very tight, too. Like Samandriel was his last hope on life, even though the doubts were invading his mind. “You will be with me, no matter what happen, right?” He asked. His face was hid on the angel’s shoulder, but his words came out in an understandable way.  
  
 Samandriel then pulled his own body away, enough to look Adam in the eyes. “No matter what happen.” He smiled.  
  
 Adam smiled too, lowering his head a bit. He was stopping crying and his breath was calmig down. He was feeling safe there with Samandriel. Screw what Lucifer said! That was just a hallucination, he didn’t need to pay attention to that.  
  
 Approaching a little more again, Samandriel touched Adam’s lips with his own and waited for a response to finally start a tender kiss.  
 They were starting to feel more comfortable about kissing each other, and that was good. They didn’t talk about their feelings yet, they didn’t even understand completely what was going on between them, but it was comforting to have each other like that. No words were needed if they could show their feelings by a little touch, a little act or a expression.  
  
 The kiss continued until Adam remembered something important. “Where are Sam and Dean? Were… Were they real?”  
  
 Samandriel sighed. He wished Adam could forget about these two, especially because they couldn’t know about the Angel Tablet. “They left after you fainted.”  
  
 Adam looked down for a second. “They just… left?”  
  
 ”Apparently, they were busy huting something.” He said, rubbing slight the human’s lower lip with his thumb, like a caress. Their faces were still very close to each other. The angel wanted to continue the kiss, but the moment disbanded because of the Winchesters. Little frustrating.  
  
 ”Oh, I see…” Adam was disappointed for hearing that and it was clear on his face. “Well, who needs them? I don’t want to see these two again and… I’m glad they left.”  
  
 Samandriel noticed the disappointment on the human’s face, so he tried to change that. “But they gave me their numbers. I don’t know what they mean, but I believe they are from their phones.” And he took a small paper from the pocket of his pants. “Here. Sam’s numbers, Dean’s and someone called Garth’s numbers.”  
  
 Adam took the paper, but said nothing.  
  
 ”They care about you, Adam. They just… don’t know how to show it.”  
  
 ”Am I suppose to feel better with this? I hate them. I don’t want anything from the Winchesters.” He said sharply and crumpled the paper, tossing it away after that.  
  
 Samandriel lowered his head and stayed in silence for a moment. “Sorry.”  
  
 ”No, it’s not your fault.” He sighed heavily, just now noticing he was stupid with the angel. Again. “Thank you for trying, but I’m better without them.”  
  
 Samandriel then took one of Adam’s hands and held it gentle.  ”They will not come if-“   
  
  
 ”Samandriel.”  
  
  The angel was totally confused. What did just happen? Where he- Oh. Heaven. He turned his body to the other side to see who was calling him.  
  
 ”Naomi.” A mix of surprise and a little of fear were present on his voice. He was in that white room again and, this time, with a visible impatient and angry angel staring at him.  
  
 ”Why are you taking so long to go after the tablet? The Winchesters are closer to find about it and you are still stuck into that house. What is happening?” She got up to ask more questions, but stopped herself. Her attention was now on what Samandriel was wearing. “And what are those clothes?”  
  
 Samandriel imediately looked down to the jacket he was wearing. How would he explain that? An angel wearing clothes of someone he should just take care of. How would he explain his feelings for this human? Awkwardly, Samandriel took a deep breath and directed his gaze to the other angel again. “I borrowed it. I mean, it seems that humans don’t use suits all the time and if I use mine to go everywhere they would susp-“  
  
 ”Enough.” She interrupted him. “You will go after the tablet right now.”  
  
 ”Adam isn’t ready yet. He is having hallucinations, the wall is in danger. I can’t take him now.”  
  
 ”We don’t have time, Samandriel.” Her tone was getting more serious now. “Take whatever you need, but go  _now_.”  
  
  
 And as soon as Samandriel had arrived the room, he was back to the abandoned house again.  
 Naomi didn’t say much, but the angel knew things could get bad if he didn’t start to look for the tablet in that moment. He couldn’t waste any time. And this just made him pale, visible worried.  
  
 ”Samandriel? What were you saying?” Adam asked, holding the angel’s hands now. “You okay?”  
  
 ”I am… fine.” The angel said calmly. His gaze was fixed at Adam’s body, but he wasn’t seeing anything. He was too busy thinking about what to do, and the thought of he needed to finally tell Adam about the tablet was making him almost panic. He took a deep breath and looked serious at the boy in front of him. “Adam, I need your help on something.”  
  
 Adam blinked, surprised. “On what?”  
  
 Oh, this wouldn’t be easy. The angel was so nervous, he couldn’t contain it. “There is this… um… Heaven called me and, uh, I need to find something.”  
  
 ”Continue.” Adam said a little worried. Why was Samandriel so nervous? That couldn’t be a good thing.  
  
 ”Well, you know… My Father have a scribe, the Archangel Metatron, and he wrote the Words of God. They are stones- tablets that have instructions about God’s creations. Demons, leviathans, angels… there’s everything in these tablets.” He was getting more nervous while trying to explain that, so he took a deep breath again before continuing. Adam was starting to think that was suspicious. “We, angels, protect the Words of God. But after what happened in Heaven, there are a few angels capables of doing it. I am one of them.” There was a pause again. “And Heaven wants me to find the Angel Tablet, since it’s the only one missing now.”  
  
 ”And what about the other tablets?”  
  
 ”I don’t know.” Samandriel sighed, frustrated because he really didn’t know about them. “But it seems that the Demon Tablet was broken and it is useless now, I guess. They didn’t give me full information after they rescued me.”  
  
 Adam used one of his hands to wipe the tears of his face and nose before he started to talk again. He wasn’t feeling good yet, but if Samandriel needed help, he would help. “Why do you need my help? I’m just a man.”  
  
 Samandriel frowned and looked a bit upset at Adam. Just a man? He was much more than that, not just because he was the vessel of the most powerful Archangel, but especially because he was an amazing human being and could help the world just by being himself.  
  
 ”I have anyone but you. After the torture, after what I saw Heaven become because of my dearest brother, you are the only good thing that happened to me. I don’t have a wall to protect me from my memoirs and thoughts, I just… have you. I would do anything not to make you come with me on this, but I don’t have choice.” He said too much without noticing, but Adam did. Was there something behind that ‘mission’ to find the tablet, then? “You are not just a man to me. You are the one who makes me want to fight for something, and it’s really important to me. And, because of you, I now know how it is to fall in love with someo-” He immediately stopped after realizing what he just said. His face was serious before, but it was worse now. And red.  
  
 Adam was speechles. He didn’t expect that at all. And even with his heart seeming about to explode because of how fast it was beating, he opened his mouth to try to say something, but the angel was faster. Samandriel quickly flapped his wings and disappeared, leaving a very confused and astonished Adam alone in the room.  
  
 ”What…?”  
  
  
 Outside the house, Samandriel leaned his backs against the balcony’s wall and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings at the same time of the tablet. He was feeling guilty enough, he didn’t need to remember how his relationship with Adam was growing up based on lies.  
  
 He covered his face with his hands to cover his tears, even if he was alone there. That was too much to handle. Torture, Heaven in ruins, Naomi, and Adam’s wall sustained by lies. He was trying to be as calm and normal as possible to comfort the human, but the truth was: he was as destroyed as Adam, and the worst part was that he knew that wouldn’t finish well.  
  
 Heaven wanted Adam for a reason. Samandriel didn’t know exactly what it was, but he was sure that human would be the only one to accomplish that mission with him.


	10. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The sky was covered by grey clouds, which left the field a little greyish with less light than normal. The wind carefully touched the grass, making it move gently to the North. But, the moment Adam arrived, he felt that that place was cursed. There was something really wrong there. "You think the tablet is in there?""
> 
> (I made a post about Nathaniel -- his vessel and personality --. If you want to see it: http://lepetittortue.tumblr.com/post/47811542824)

 Adam tried to think about everything he heard that night. Lucifer's speech, the demon's phrase, the Words of God, Samandriel's confession... Damn. Too many things to digest after his almost breaking wall incident. His head was aching too much and he was queasy, too. But he needed to resolve those things with Samandriel, his health could wait a little more.

 He took a deep breath and got up of his bed, walking toward the door -- Samandriel had fixed it while he was asleep.

 Outside the house, he found Samandriel leaning his back against the wall. He didn't look okay.

 "First of all, what you said about me, thank you." It drew the angel's attention to him. Adam was still near the door. "But please, if... If..." He pressed his lips and frowned. Just the thought of Samandriel using him like Zachariah did was bad, but saying that out loud would be worse. "I want to believe in you and I will do it. You are the only good angel I've ever met, so... please, don't... don't make me regret this decision, please."

 Adam was feeling his heart being smashed, and Samandriel's face after he said that just helped to break his heart. He trusted the angel, he really trusted him. But everything was so suspicious... Samandriel smiled bitterly and frowned, trying not to cry again. "My mission was to save you, and I will continue doing this." He then walked towards the human, until he was in front of him. "Physically and emotionally."

 Adam sighed. He wasn't feeling relaxed after hearing that, but he would believe in Samandriel. "Alright. Let's go search this tablet and save Heaven. I like to feel like a hero again." He chuckled, trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

 Samandriel tilted his head. He wasn't sure if he understood what Adam was trying to say with that, but he decided to take it as a good thing. "I am glad you feel like this."

 "I like the fact that I'm the one who made you feel love, too." He completed, smiling, even though that made he blush.

 Samandriel startled and felt his cheeks burning. What the hell? Why did Adam need to say that? The angel didn't thought about what he was saying when he left escape about falling in love, and he was so embarrassed now! At least Adam seemed okay with that. He stammered and gesticulated a little, trying to say something, but gave up after three seconds. It just made Adam chuckle again.

 "It's not a bad thing, Samandriel. And it's kinda obvious because of the way we are with each other, isn't it? I mean, I- I wanted to say it before, but I didn't know how. And honestly, I still don't know and if it's the moment for it, but..." He was starting to feel a little nervous. Those problems with Heaven and Hell didn't seem important for a moment. "I feel the same as you. I am, um, I am in love with you." He took a deep breath after that, feeling totally weird and shy. That wasn't the way he wanted to say that, but his brain just left he form those words. "I don't know how this happened."

 "I- I don't know how it happened, too." The angel lowered his gaze. He was trying not to feel so shy or not to blush too much, but that was impossible. Samandriel used to watch humans, but it was totally different to feel and participate in a conversation like that. "This is so awkward." He smiled nervously.

 "Yes, it is." Adam agreed instantly. He was feeling too weird, but good at the same time. If he could, he would stop the time just so he could have the courage enough to approach Samandriel and hug him. Or kiss him. Or both. But the fact that he just declared his love for the angel made him so shy and awkward he couldn't move.  _Stupid, stupid! Just go and show him with more than words what you meant by falling in love!_  He yelled to himself inside his head while Samandriel was standing there, as awkward as him. "Let's- uh... enter?"

 "Yes. We need to, uh, take some things and, you know, go... to somewhere."

 "Right. I will take a shower and we, uh, go." He walked a little awkwardly until he entered the house, letting Samandriel alone again.

 The angel didn't understand how a painful conversation ended up like that, but he liked it. He covered a smile with a hand, trying to stop feeling so silly, but that was impossible, too. Adam just confirmed his feelings for him. Adam was in love with him, too! Samandriel was feeling so happy he could forget, even if for a brief moment, all the bads things that happened and probably would happen soon.

 Oh, what love does to humans. And now to angels, too.  
  
  
 Inside the house, Adam's awkward little smile disappeared. For someone who hated angels and promised so many times in the cage that he would never trust that kind of creature, falling in love with one was something really big. But maybe that time things would be, in fact, differents. Samandriel wasn't Zachariah or Michael. He was different. He was good and, well, kind of an adorable little angel.

 Adam's thoughts were stopped by something lying on the ground. A ball of paper with the Winchesters' numbers. Adam sighed and looked away. He would never call them, that's for sure, at least for him. He would never need them, like he did before Michael take him as a vessel. But it wouldn't hurt to have their numbers on the cellphone.  
  
  
 "I have some information for you." A male voice said after the sound of wings. "About the Word of God."

 Samandriel, who was still on the porch, looked at the other angel near him. "Nathaniel. What is it? Please, tell me it is the location of the tablet."

 The other angel rolled his eyes. "You want everything so simple, little brother." He took a paper out of his vessel's suit. "We don't know exactly where it is, but after... talking to some demons we got a location that may have the tablet." Nathaniel didn't want to say the word 'torture'. He knew what Samandriel went though in Crowley's hands and, despite being an ill-tempered and not so educated brother, he cared about Samandriel's sake.

 Samandriel took the paper and read it. "An abandoned church?"

 "Ironic, isn't it?" Nathaniel chuckled. "And for our Father's sake, brother, be careful there. I don't care if that kid will be in trouble or what kind of monster is after him, just take care. Use your freaking grace to get the hell out of that place if things get too bad." His concern was evident on his face and voice, so Samandriel didn't say anything to disagree. "You can call me if you need some help."

 "No need to worry. I went to Hell myself to rescue Adam, I can deal with some demons." Samandriel said with a small, but proud smile on his lips.

 Nathaniel sighed. "I said it before and I will say it again: don't ruin this mission. You look like a little girl with his crush near this human and it can be dangerous for you."

 "I do not. My vessel is a male human and doesn't look like a girl, neither do I." He crossed his arms.

 "Nevermind, brother. You really look like Castiel." The other angel shook his head. "Heaven is a mess and we just have a few angels now. Don't make we lose another, and a good one."

 "Love isn't a bad thing. We have the free will to choose what we want, Nathaniel. I thought you had learned that. Heaven will not lose any other angel. I promise."

 Nathaniel looked away. He didn't want to show any kind of emotion toward someone because he knew what that do to angels, but his concern was bigger than that. "Fine. Don't forget to take some human weapons to help Adam in this mission. Guess that human named Garth can give you some."

 "Oh, right. I will talk to him now." He dropped his arms. "Thank you for the information."

 "Go fast before your boyfriend finish his bath." That said, Nathaniel disappeared, letting alone a flushed Samandriel.  
  
  
  
  
 "What is this?!" Adam asked startled. There were some guns lying on the bed when Adam finally left the bathroom. Shotguns, handguns, a lot of bullets -- apparently dipped in holy water --, and some weird little bags.

 "I went to see Garth and he said I needed those things to give to you." The angel answered while grabbing one of the handguns. He offered it to Adam. "You will need it."

 "What? Who is Garth? Why did you go talk to him?" He was really confused.

 "Dean and Sam's friend. He helps hunters to hunt monsters and demons. And we are going on a mission right now, you need something to defend yourself if I can't help you."

 "Right..." Adam frowned. "I get it. But I don't know how to use these things."

 "I can teach you." The angel said, convinced that he would do that.

 The human looked at the gun for a moment before taking it. "Do angels know how a human weapon works?"

 Samandriel swallowed. He was taken aback by that question. "Uh, well- Some angels do, but... I am not a good example of the ones who trained a lot for wars."

 This just made the human chuckle a little. He would say something in disapproval because, well, Adam was the kind of exemplary student in school and college. But he decided to say nothing, considering that he didn't want Samandriel to feel bad about that. "Doesn't matter. Let's do it."  
  
  
  
 The Church was, in fact, totally abandoned. In a field of pure grass and no trees and hills, the church was quietly placed there with its thin bricks and tiles still on the right place. It looked like a simple house with eight big windows -- four at each wall -- and a tower for the bell near a big gate made of old wood. There was no fence.  
 The sky was covered by grey clouds, which left the field a little greyish with less light than normal. The wind carefully touched the grass, making it move gently to the North.

 But, the moment Adam arrived, he felt that that place was cursed. There was something really wrong there. "You think the tablet is in there?"

 "I hope so." Samandriel said and started to walk to the church. He was feeling those bad vibrations coming from the abandoned place, too. There should be a good sensation there, something mixed with peace and the certain of that was a place of God.

 It wasn't at all.

 Opening the gates of the church, the angel entered first, just to make sure that no demon could jump on Adam. And fortunately, the church was empty.

 The inside wasn't so bad, even for an abandoned place. But the various benches were full of cobwebs and dust. They seemed to be really old, like just a touch could apart them into more dust. Adam sneezed a little because of this.  
 There were no lamps or candles in the chandeliers on the ceiling, just more cobwebs and dust. Big glasses on the windows were in majority intact, but some parts of the size of small rocks were broken.

 "Look there." Samandriel said to the human, gesturing to the left side of the building, while he was walking forward. "I will take a look for here."

 "Fine." Adam grabbed a handgun and held it firmly with his two hands.

 He was nervous. That was the first time he was  doing something like that, and his experiences with angels and demons weren't good (except with Samandriel, of course).  
 But that weird feeling he started to have after receiving the wall into his head was encouraging him. Adam didn't know why, but he needed to hunt and destroy those monsters. He thought it was just his will for revenge, but that thing was really suspicious.

 At the central wall, the church altar was still intact. At the top of the wall, statues of angels with big wings made of marble were pointing their blades to a big statue of a crucified Jesus Christ with small cherubs around the cross. The statues were intact, despite all the dirty things that made them look dark grey with almost black stripes. Were those there because of water or were those things caused by blood?  
 The big scenario made of marble was as terrifying as the bad energy emanated from that church.

 Adam didn't want to look at the images on that place, but he needed to comment something. "I used to go to the church with my mom. Those kind of images always scared me, but at the same time I used to feel secure. Like God and His angels were watching over me."

 "It must be good to feel this." Samandriel said with a sad voice. "My Father always loved the humans more than everything. And we, angels, were designated to protect and love the humans more than ourselves. We should be there to fight and help, no matter what happens." He looked at Adam now. "I was 'born' very after He disappeared. I am not the only who never saw His face, but I wish I did."

 "So we have this in common." Adam directed his gaze to Samandriel. "I thought John hated me, or he was dead because he never looked for me." He sighed heavily. "But, in the end, he just didn't know that I exist."

 "I think my Father is, in fact, dead." Said the angel. "Or He just... doesn't care. Thy mercy is not for angels or Heaven anymore." The more he talked, the more he looked sad. Samadriel always felt too much, and the abscence of his Father was one of the things he felt the more. "He should take care of us, too. We were made just to fight, but some can... feel. And maybe this is why Heaven is how it is now. I wish He could appear and save us, but I am sure it will never happen. We are on our own. But don't you worry, Adam, I will take care of you. No matter what happens." He tried to smile.

 Adam knew how it was to grow up without a father, so a sad expression on the angel's face wasn't the only thing that made his ache a little. He didn't want Samandriel feeling bad like that. "Maybe, like John, He will appear out of nowhere and will take care of you. He's not dead, believe it."

 Samandriel smiled. "Thank you."

 "Now, how about we search this tablet and get this finish as soon as possible so I can make hot chocolate for you?" He smiled as he walked toward the angel again.

 "I think this is a good idea." Even if he didn't understand why hot chocolate, Samandriel felt warm by the thought of Adam doing something human to him again. And by his tone, that should be something humans do to cheer other humans up. He smiled shyly while holding one of Adam's hands. "There should be a symbol or something like this indicating where the tablet is. If we don't find it on the floor, it must be under the church." He said as he started to walk around, looking for something. The plan to look separately was totally lost now.

 "Is the symbol like the ones you taught me?" Adam asked as he looked around the church's benches.

 "It is kinda the one to hold ang-" He stopped his phrase and to walk, too.

 "What's wrong?" The human frowned.

 But before Samandriel could answer, a loud noise came from the entrance. Someone had opened the gates of the church in a not friendly way. And, if the atmosphere there wasn't bad enough, the presence of three people worsened it with their negative energy.

 "Demons."


	11. Leave me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alone, Adam finally left a heavy sigh escape from his mouth. ‘I swear to… If Heaven is using me again because I’m the vessel of this fucking archangel, and I am sure they are, they will pay for it.’”

 Everything happened really fast. The demons. The explosion. The blood.

 One of them threw Adam against a wall. And the impact was really strong because of the distance he was standing from that wall.  
 He fell on the floor and started coughing blood.

 Two demons were using vessels really tall and brawny, like they just left the bodybuilding gym in that moment. Tan skins and tattoos, haircut of soldiers — though they didn’t seem to have joined the army. The other one was using a woman, also tan with black and straight hair, a little brawny. Her beauty would draw the attention if the situation were different.

 ”Adam!!” Samandriel yelled while grabbing his angel blade. But, before he could attack those demons, he remembered that Adam didn’t want the innocent vessels to die. They trained for days to save those humans and not to kill them with the demons. But what could he do now? There were three demons and Adam was injuried. Their lifes — and the Word of God — were more important in that moment.

 Samandriel tried to stab one of the demons, but he was faster than the angel. He grabbed the smaller’s forearm with a hand and held it really tight, throwing Samandriel at a wall on the opposite side of Adam.

 ”What’s the matter, little angel? Don’t wanna fight or you’re too afraid of us?” The female demon asked with a sarcastic smile in her pinky lips.

 Spitting blood, Samandriel got up and stared at the demons. He was starting to get angrier than concerned. “I would smite your asses in one second, but I am a good angel.” He smiled in provocation and looked at Adam. He was trying to get up, but apparently he was feeling too much pain to do so.

 ”How cute.” She said before disappearing and appearing behind the angel to punch him in the backs.

  Samandriel, unlike he did with the first demon, didn’t let being punched this time. He turned his body immediately to the woman, defending the punch by deviating it with his wrist and stabbed her in the arm as faster as he could. That wouldn’t kill her, but it certainly would make her a lot less dangerous to him.

 A loud and painful scream filled the church as the demon’s arm shined in a orange light — especially where the angel blade entered the skin and muscles of her vessel.

 ”Samandriel, behind you!!” Adam yelled at the other side of the church when the two male demons ran toward the angel. They were furious.

 ”Damn-” It was too late to try to flee or to use the angel blade. The demons were using their power, a kind of telekinesis that shouldn’t be too powerful against angels.

 But, something was wrong.  
  
 Samandriel tried to use his Grace to protect himself, or at least to produce enough light to show up his big, spread wings to intimidate those demons, but nothing happened. No light, no wings, no power. His Grace was drained completely.  
 Caught by the surprise, he didn’t see the many punches coming from the two male demons.  
  
  
 Things were starting to get really bad.

 Samandriel fell to the ground. His face, as much as a lot of parts of his vessel’s body, were so injured to the point of blood coming out of the wounds non stopping.  
 He tried to get up again, despite the pain in his bones, but the woman kicked him in the stomach before he could leave the ground.

 ”You angels are pathetic creatures.” She said. “I’ve heard that Heaven is a mess now and there are a few of you around. If that’s true, you’re so screwed.”

 ”Especially when the king of Hell put his hands on the angel tablet.” The other demon said.

 ”Crowley?!” Samandriel asked in surprise. “He- He knows about the tablet, then?”

 ”Sure. He sent us here.”

 The demons seemed more interested in Samandriel, and especially interested to talk to him. It left a good chance to Adam to recover his strenght and try to save the angel.

 He didn’t got up this time. It would draw their attention to him. So he just stayed there, lying on the dirty ground of the church and started to recite the exorcism words. Low at first, but increasing the sound as the word came out of his bloodstained mouth.

 ”Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii-” The demons looked at him in surprise before black smoke started to come out of their vessels’ bodies. Seeing it was working, Adam continued. “Omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, draco maledicte et omnis le-” A bunch of air threw him against the wall again, but stronger now. The woman could hold power enough to stop Adam.

 ”Bastard.” She grumbled loudly. And as soon as she did that, she was in front of him to beat him up.

 ”Adam!!” Samandriel tried to help him, but he was too weak. The other demons were still by his side and they wouldn’t let him go anywhere.

 Three stupid demons were about to kill them just because Adam and Samandriel didn’t want to kill the innocent vessels. Goodness wasn’t always a nice thing.

 But, suddenly, a bright light invaded the church like giant waves. Adam needed to close his eyes with his hands because they started to ache and feel extremely hot.

 An angel.

 The demons tried to run away or hide themselves, but the light was so intense it burned their smoke — and their vessels' eyes —, letting empty bodies falling on the dirty ground.

 Astonished and speechless, Samandriel stared at the other angel in silence for a moment. “So, you really came. Nathaniel.”

 ”I thought you two were stupid, but not to the point of almost being killed by black eyes demons!!” He was furious. Not only because of the demons, but mostly because he was too worried with his brother. “I should beat the shit out of you, you irresponsable feathered head. What happened to your Grace?”

 ”I don’t…” He stopped himself when he noticed that Adam was still on the ground. Ignoring completely his brother and the pain, he got up and ran toward the human. “Adam, are you okay? Please, talk to me.” He said as he held the other’s body with his arms.

 ”Dammit, Samandriel. I am not.” Adam answered, his voice a little cracked because of the pain. “I am bleeding.” He sat up and held the angel, too. They both were very worried about each other and it was visible in their faces. “What happened to you? Are you okay?”

 ”My Grace is drained. And I don’t know why… It has been weird since I came back from Hell. I think I used my Grace too much and now it’s not so good anymore.”

 ”You need to rest.” Nathaniel said. “You are doing the job of a Seraph when you’re just a normal soldier.”

 ”I know.” He looked at the other angel, who was still furious and looking at them. “Can you heal him for me?”

 Nathaniel rolled his eyes and walked foward. He then placed a hand on Adam’s head and other on Samandriel’s head and used his Grace to cure their wounds. He stepped back when it was done.

 ”Thank you.” Samandriel said to his brother and looked back at Adam. There was guilt on the angel’s face. “I am sorry, I couldn’t protect you. And you almost died because I was weak. I- I am really sorry.” He lowered his head.

 ”Hey, hey. It’s not your fault. You were- you are without your powers.” Adam held Samandriel’s face with his two hands and tried to smile, just to show that he was totally okay with that. “Don’t be so hard with yourself.” And kissed him slightly on the lips.

 Nathaniel looked away.

 ”Right.” He blushed a little because of the kiss. It was the first time they kissed after saying they were in love with each other, so that kiss was kinda special now.

 ”We need to search for the tablet now. Can you two stop with this human thing?” The other angel asked while walking away. “More demons can come and we don’t need it.”

 Adam looked at Samandriel. He didn’t want another angel near them because, hell, it was an angel! Adam hated them and didn’t trust them. With exception of Samandriel, of course. But it seemed they would need Nathaniel’s help until Samandriel’s Grace come back to normal.  
  
  
 They looked at everything in the church, even under the benches and outside of that place. In the ceiling, everywhere. Until Adam thought about something.

 ”Hey, angel.” He said to Nathaniel. “Can you move this statue of Jesus? We didn’t do it yet.”

 ”Fine.” Nathaniel walked toward that said statue and, with one hand, he moved it easily to the side until something different showed up.

 A small door on the ground.

 Adam looked at Samandriel with a winning smile on his face and an expression of ‘Nailed it!’, which made the angel almost chuckle.  
 So, he opened the door by pulling up the knob until it was completely open, revealing a dark passage to somewhere beneath the church. “The lanterns are in the car.”

 The angels looked at each other.

 

  
 ”Dammit. I can’t see anything with this thing.” Nathaniel complained as he moved the light to everywhere in that small passage.  
  
 Adam rolled his eyes. “If you keep the light just foward, you’ll get to see something. Angels.”

 ”I am doing it right, Adam. Don’t generalize us.” Samandriel said very after Adam, almost pouting.

 ”Sorry. You are different, Samandriel.” He smiled.

 The angel smiled back. He wanted to approach Adam to kiss him one more time, but he held it back. He wouldn’t do that with Nathaniel near them again. His brother was already negative about his relationship with that human, if he saw they doing… human things all the time, he would get angrier with them and it wouldn’t be good. But he couldn’t stop looking at Adam with a silly smile on his face. Adam did the same.

 Until Nathaniel started to awkwardly cough to make them stop staring at each other. “Well, guys. I think we found it.” He said, pointing the light to a hall covered with dusty.

 They stopped walking and looked around.

 The room had a square shape and was approximately 6 meters wide. There were some unlit torches on the walls, and Nathaniel lit them by snapping his fingers.  
 And then, when the room was totally backlighted, symbols against demons could be seeing on the walls. Adam wondered why they were there.  
Five coffins made by black marble were in the center of the place, all positioned with its feet toward a statue of an angel made of white marble, making a semicircle in front of it. The angel had its wings open and was holding a big tablet with his hands, showing strange letters on it, above a big cup made of old bronze. The letters were saying:

                  **"THOU HAST WALKED IN LAND OF DOOM AND SHALT KNOW TRUE PAIN.**   
** ONLY HEIR OF SACRED BLOOD AND SWORD OF THE ARCHANGEL, SAINT MICHAEL**  
 ** MAYEST OPEN THE  CELESTIAL GATES AND SHALT BRING PEACE TO THE WORLD OF YOURS.**  
 ** PLACE THY ARMS OVER THE CHALICE AND POUR THE SACRED LIQUID**  
 ** AND DOST IT UNTIL THE DOOM OPENS THE GATES FOR DIVINE ACQUITTAL.”**

 Samandriel felt all his body getting cold. So, Heaven needed Adam because of this? He was being used because of Michael again? It was worse than Samandriel used to think about that mission. He wished Adam wouldn’t suspect anything, but he knew how smart that boy was. There was no way the façade would continue after that. If not in that moment, it was going to happen soon.

 ”Are you fucking serious?” Adam asked as he read the tablet again. “Do I need to put my blood inside this cup? It doesn’t make any sense.” He wondered for a minute, analizing that weird situation. Until he realized something. Something that hurt him instantly. “You said Heaven had no interest on me, but you needed my help. You knew about this, don’t you? Samandriel.”

 The angel shuddered under the intense and serious gaze that Adam fixed on him. What could he do now? The end was near. “No, I didn’t know about this. I thought the tablet would be just hidden in here. I didn’t know about the blood and sword of Michael! Nathaniel, tell him.”

 ”We didn’t know about it. They just said the tablet would be here.” The other angel looked at Samandriel. He wanted to say ‘I warned you’ because of all the lies Samandriel told Adam and because he hid the truth about the wall in his mind, but he wouldn’t do that. At least not before Adam discover everything.

 Adam didn’t look away any second. His gaze was still fixed on Samandriel. All the things Lucifer said in the cage and in that one hallucination, that demon in his house, the fact that his rescue was really suspicious because, well, Heaven did it. He was starting to believe in those things. But he also believed in Samandriel. Maybe the angel was being used, too. Maybe. Things were starting to make sense and Adam’s hatred for Heaven was increasing very fast.

 Putting a hand on his own mouth, Adam turned his body to the opposite side of the angels and took a few steps foward. “I need a moment alone.”

 ”What?” Samandriel and Nathaniel inquired at the same time, surprised.

 ”Just two minutes. Demons won’t come in here.” He hadn’t turned back to look at the angels yet.

  _This isn’t good. This isn’t good at all._  Samandriel thought. He was still feeling cold and so concerned he was almost pale. What to do now? What to do? “Right… Call us if you, uh, need something.”

 Nathaniel put a hand on the other angel’s shoulder and flapped his wings, making the two of them disappear.

 Alone, Adam finally left a heavy sigh escape from his mouth. “I swear to… If Heaven is using me again because I’m the vessel of this fucking archangel, and I am sure they are, they will pay for it.” Adam took a penknife out of one of his pants’ pockets and opened it. “I won’t let them win this time.” He looked at the object for a second and took a deep breath before starting to make a cut on his left forearm and another in the right forearm. The more blood, the faster it would end.

 He needed to ask some serious questions to Samandriel.


	12. Believe me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”The church was in silence again. And it stayed like that for a good time.  
>  The Word of God was lying on Adam’s lap, who was still digesting all the painful information he received. But he needed to do something.”

”Damn.” He complained because of the pain.

 Adam needed to fill the cup with his blood. That sounded easier before he started to put out his blood.  
 The liquid was falling into cup as slow as filling it. When the door would open?

 Adam was starting to feel dizzy and his head to ache. That annoying noise started to invade his head until the room was weirdly moving.

 ”Well, well.” Lucifer said in a way he knew that moment would come. “Looks like I was right, Adam. He does lie.”

 Another hallucination.

 Adam looked to his right. He wanted to say to the archangel to go back to hell but, well, that wouldn’t be an offensive thing. He then ignored him and stayed in silence as his blood was falling down into the cup.

 ”And you know what is funny? Very, very deep inside of your head, you knew that. Angels don’t care, angels lie. And so does Samandriel. You tried your best to believe him, but it wasn’t enough.” He stepped foward until he was near Adam. “And it hurts more than anything.”

 ”What now? Did you become a therapist?” Adam asked sarcastically. “I don’t need your words. Leave me alone.”

 ”I can’t do it. I am inside your head. Saying what is in your subconscient, by the way.” He crossed his arms. “Look, we all know that Heaven- my brothers control angels and humans. And you are one of them. Think about it. Why did you want to become a hunter? That was not you. Why did they rescue you? Probably because Dean wouldn’t help them. Again. So they needed the reserve player because, Adam, you are really easy to manipulate.”

 ”Shut up.”

 ”You thought the angel was different, but he isn’t. You thought he loved you, but how much of it is true? There are a lot of ways to manipulate you, insignificant creatures.”

 ”I said  _shut up_.” Adam said angrily, looking back at Lucifer.

 The archangel would say something, but suddenly a loud noise came from somewhere in that room. The walls started to tremble and Adam needed to put his hands on his ears. It was really loud, like something heavy was moving.

 Lucifer disappeared, leaving Adam alone again.

 ”What the-” He stopped. His blood was shining into that big cup. Apparently, it was starting to work. Some door was being opened.

 The boy took off his jacket and tore two parts of his shirt, wrapping them around his wounds to stop the blood.

 The trembling in the wall stopped as soon as it began, and an uncomfortable silence filled the place.  
 Adam looked around, searching for the door. Nothing. What the hell? He stepped a foot foward, but another noise made him stop. It was low and continuous now, coming from behind the marble angel.

 A door was opening in two parts, one to the left and other to the right, making the marble angel stay in the center of it.

  _What the fuck is going on here?_  Adam wondered and hesitated for a moment before he walked toward the opened door, until he was in front of a small, dirty antique trunk on the ground. He opened it, finally finding a tablet.

 The Angel tablet.  
  
  
  
 ”Adam, are you okay?” Samandriel asked the human with a very concerned tone. He would come near him, but Adam wasn’t looking so friendly and was holding something with his hands. “You found the tablet! But… What- What happened? What was that sound?”

 Oh. Samandriel. He was finally back. And it was the time for the questions.

 ”Heaven.” He smiled sarcastically. “Heaven happened to me, again. And I need you to be sincere with me now, Samandriel.”

 ”Give us the tablet.” Nathaniel said. He was starting to worry about the situation.

 ”First, we talk. Then you two can have this stupid tablet.” He held the rock firmer with his hands. “I know Heaven was using me because of Michael. It’s obvious. But the real question is: did you know about it?” He was staring at Samandriel.

 The angel swallowed. “No. I didn’t know why Heaven needed you until now.” He lowered his head for a moment. Oh, that would be difficult. He was about to lose Adam and he couldn’t do anything to stop that. “Dean would never help us to destroy the tablet.”

 A bitter laugh escaped Adam’s lips. That was unbelievable. “Of course. Dean Winchester. He is always the first one and if Heaven can’t have his help, you guys use me.” His tone was getting more serious and louder. “You fucking manipulate me.”

 ”Adam, please, try to understand!” Samandriel stepped foward, but Adam backed off, making the angel stop. “I- I was… I needed to do this. If- If I hadn’t hid the truth, you would never get to help me to find the tablet and you would die!”

 ”What?!” Adam asked, more surprised than confused. Well, he and Nathaniel. The angel wasn’t expecting his brother to say that.

 Samandriel closed his eyes and sighed. He was already screwed, why would he keep hiding things? Adam deserved to know everything. It would hurt to tell him, it would make Samandriel feel more guilty than he ever felt, but he needed.

 Taking a moment to gain courage, the angel stared at the confused and hurt human before start to talk. “Your wall. I made a deal with Heaven. They would give you the protection against the memories of the cage if I accepted to do anything they asked me to do. No matter what was it.”

 Adam put a closed hand on his lips, trying to let that information sink. He didn’t want to believe that Samandriel was lying to him, that he was hiding a serious problem like that one. And especially that he did a stupid thing like that. “Dammit, Samandriel.”

 ”I am not going to hide what happened anymore.” His voice was a little weak. He wanted to cry. But he needed to be strong. “Crowley captured me and tortured me for weeks with almost every torture device humans ever created. I was dying! Then… Then Heaven rescued me to put me into this mission. ‘Rescue the soul and body of Adam Milligan. Fix his soul’. And that was it. That was the only information I had until they forced me to make a deal for your wall. I needed to do everything not to get you hurt. And your will to become a hunter? That’s Heaven messing your free will. You don’t want to get involved in this world, you don’t want to hunt. They needed you strong to kill demons and monsters if it was necessary to get the tablet.”

 The fact that Adam wanted to become a hunter was always a bit confuse even for him, but that confirmation spoke volumes. He was being manipulated in every way possible and this realization made Adam feel dizzy. The situation was getting dirtier and he wanted to vomit.

 ”I was so afraid to tell you this… I was afraid that you would hate me.” He swallowed again, trying not to let the tears fall of his eyes. “I always knew you were being manipulated and I lied. I lied because I didn’t want to lose you. I was an egoist. But- But I did all of it for your sake.”

 ”You trained me all this time to be a perfect weapon against demons? I know I asked you to teach me how to exorcise them, but you knew it was Heaven messing with my mind. You let them deprive me from my own free will while…” He made a pause. “While acting like you loved me. How could you?”

 Samandriel’s breath was getting heavy. He was nervous and almost desperate to quit that conversation. He was wishing he wouldn’t had lied. What was he thinking? “I do love you, Adam. But it was my mission. I had to protect you and the Word of God.”

 If that could get worse, Adam didn’t know. But Lucifer was right. Samandriel lies. In the end, he was like all the other angels Adam met. Or even worse, because they were together. Samandriel seemed to care and to love him, but was it true? How could Adam believe him now? He knew he couldn’t trust creatures like angels, but he did with Samandriel, and now he was realizing how wrong he was for doing that. Adam opened his heart for someone he thought he could trust, but it just turned to be another disappointment.

 He bit his own lower lip and wandered his gaze on the ground. Screw the headache and the dizziness, his heart was breaking into pieces and this was the only thing he was paying attention.

 And the silence was making the angel more desperate. Why wasn’t Adam yelling at him? Why was he so quiet? He was going to say something, but Adam finally looked back at him. And what he saw into those light blue eyes made his vessel’s heart fail a beat.

 Disappointment. Pain. Anger. It was common to Adam to say more with his gaze than with his mouth, and in that moment Samandriel wished he was invisible. He wanted to escape from that intense gaze of judgement and anger.

 ”You, from all the angels…” Adam managed to say. He was forcing himself not to cry. “You were the last one I thought… You used me. You left them manipulate me and my mind. I trusted you, Samandriel. I trusted you!! And it was all a big and dirty lie.” It was starting to get really hard not to cry. His heart was beating really fast. “I could understand that Zachariah lied because he was a dick who didn’t feel a damn thing. But you? You said all those things and…” He made a brief pause. “You made me believe that you loved me, that you fucking cared.”

 ”It  _was_  true!” Samandriel cried. “I would never lie about my feelings. They are true!”

 Adam smiled bitterly, shaking his head negatively. ”Oh, right. And how can I know you are saying the truth? I was stupid to let you manipulate me, but it’s over. It’s over, Samandriel. I am not letting you manipulate me ever again.”

 Samandriel wanted to argue, to apologize, to do something to change what he did, but the only thing he could do was cry. He was feeling like the worst creature in the existence and all his tears weren’t enough to show how much he regretted what he did. And how much he was hating himself.

 Nathaniel, who was just watching in silence, decided it was his time to speak. He couldn’t let things get worse than they already were. “Alright. Enough. You two can discuss your problems later. We need to destroy this tablet now or Heaven will intervene.”

 Adam just looked at Nathaniel and then at Samandriel again. He was still with the hurt, judgmental gaze on his wet eyes.

 ”Give us the tablet, Adam.” Nathaniel asked again, concerned.

 ”Sorry. Heaven won’t win this time.” And as soon as he said that, Adam dropped that tablet in the ground and pulled his shirt, revealing a sigil against angels painted with his own blood.

 ”Adam, don’t!” Samandriel said exasperated.

 ”Don’t even try to search for me, Samandriel.” That said, he quickly put his hand with blood against the sigil, producing a bright and strong light that threw the angels away screeching in pain.

 Adam was totally alone in the room now.

 He grabbed the Angel tablet again and finally let the tears fall from his eyes. He was hurt, he couldn’t believe that Samandriel did that to him. All those days together, all the kisses and touches… Everything. Why? Why couldn’t he have someone to trust? Why did Samandriel need to be like that? Why did he do that? Adam wanted to scream, to punch something, just so that pain would let him alone. But he knew nothing would help.

 He was devasted. Lost into the pain and disappointment. He just wanted to lay his head down on his mother’s lap, shut his eyes and never wake up again. But he was alone. Adam didn’t have his mother, and now even the one he truly loved was a lie.  
  
  
  
 Walking desolate between the benches of the church, Adam sat down on one of them and looked at the statues. He was still crying in silence, and joined his hands to pray.

 But, to whom would he pray? At that point, Adam didn’t believe God was there. If He ever was. Angels? He wanted to burn them with holy fire. He lowered his hands.

 ”Mom…” His voice trembled. “Mom, are you listening? I… I don’t know what to do. I thought I was doing the right thing…” He lowered his head and stayed in silence for a moment before turning to look at the ceiling again — though he wasn’t exactly looking at it. “I love him so much. Why… Why did I have to be so stupid and fall in love with an angel? It hurts so much…” He stopped, trying not to cry more than he was already crying. “That son of a bitch was just another manipulator. I wish I could go home and forget him, forget everything, but I can’t. What do I do, mom? I am so lost. So lost…”

 The church was in silence again. And it stayed like that for a good time.  
 The Word of God was lying on Adam’s lap, who was still digesting all the painful information he received. But he needed to do something. Heaven couldn’t get that tablet.

 And suddenly an idea crossed his mind. It would go against his pride, but he would do it anyway.

 Adam walked to the outside of the church and went to his car. It was already night, and the field was more scary than before. He opened the door and searched for his cellphone. Hopefully, he found it very fast.

 He searched for the names of his contact list and called the one he wanted. It took long seconds to the person to respond. “Hey, Dean. It’s… Adam.”

 Dean seemed surprised even from his phone. “Adam! What the hell happened, man? Where are you? Is Alfie there with you?” He was suddenly so worried he ignored the fact that Adam was calling him after their not friendly reunion.

 The younger didn’t answer. He needed courage to do that. Taking a heavy breath and trying not to cry again, he finally said, “I need your help. I don’t have time to explain by phone, but… Please, let- let me stay with you and Sam today.”

 Dean instantly agreed with that and told Adam the location of the motel they were staying that night.  
 Angels wouldn’t find Adam because of the Enochian on his spine, so he could drive all the way alone to meet his half-brothers one more time.

 That wouldn’t be easy. Adam was still hurt for being supposedly left behind by Sam and Dean, but screwing Heaven’s plans was more important.


	13. Find me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Samandriel searched in the whole Church, even the whole field, flapping his wings every ten meters. Nothing.  
> Nathaniel was sent to a different place when Adam used the sigil to repel angels. He didn’t come back yet."

The sky seemed darker that night. There were a few stars, or at least Adam wasn't paying attention to it. To nothing. The cuts on his forearms were aching so much he couldn't have the luxury to pay attention to other things than the road and the feeling that his heart had just been tore apart in various pieces by Samandriel's betrayal.  
He still didn't believe that actually happened. Why? Why did Samandriel do that to him? Why did he still love him so much? Adam just wanted to make all the psychological and physical pain stop.

"You son of a bitch..." Adam murmured, trying to hold back the tears by biting his lower lip.

The Angel tablet was lying on the passenger seat, some sigils against demons were painted on the doors, two bags spell lied on the car's floor near him. The sigil to be hidden from angels was still intact on his spine. Adam was pratically invisible to supernatural creatures while making his way to Dean and Sam's motel.

 

"Adam!" Dean exclaimed after opening the door.

Sam, as always, threw some holy water on Adam's face, who just closed his eyes and wiped the water with one of his hands. No words were said, which made both Winchesters more worried than they already were.

The boy outside the motel stared at the ground. He was pale, eyes still wet and a little red. The bandages around his forearms were stained with an intense red. He was still bleeding. "Can I come in?"

"Please." The elder opened space to Adam to enter the room and, as soon as he did it, the door was closed and locked behind his backs. "What the hell happened to you, man? You okay?"

"Are you bleeding?" Sam asked, as concerned as Dean.

Finally looking up, Adam looked at his half-brothers in silence. His expression was of someone really tired, with no hopes. He walked to the nearest bed and sat on it, putting a backpack on his side. He sighed and looked down again.

Sam and Dean looked at each other, and then at Adam. They were standing near each other. "You gonna tell us what is happening or not?" The older brother asked.

"It was all a lie." Adam finally said, constipated. "Everything... was a lie."

"What was a lie, Adam?" Sam asked. He was starting to get more worried. "And your arms-"

"Samandriel." He looked at the other two again. His voice took an angrier tone. "That son of a bitch manipulated me. He lied to me. Heaven was using me again because they can't get your asses to help them."

Dean frowned, letting sink the realization that Samandriel did such thing. He couldn't believe that. "Wait, wait, wait. Alfie lied to you?"

Adam squinted his eyes, not understanding why the hell Dean was calling Samandriel like that. "Are you fucking deaf? I said he did. Heaven needed me again because of Michael. They took me out of Hell because I was the only with John's blood who could help 'em." He looked foward. As much as he was feeling lost and wanted the Winchesters' help, he didn't want to show them how hurt he was. "Samandriel was sent to rescue me, to take care of me and my soul until I was fine to go find something to them. He made me believe that Heaven wasn't interested in me and..." He chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. "How stupid I was for believing in him. I should know Heaven was up to something."

"I'm sorry, man." Sam replied. "We thought Alfie was a good angel and we left you with him."

"Damn it. Not even the Heaven's most adorable angel can be trusted." Adam and Sam gave Dean a reproachful look when he said that, which made he look at the ground for a few seconds. "You said they sent you to find something to them? What was it?"

Silence. Adam wandered his gaze around the room and licked his lips -- he was getting nervous -- before opening his backpack and taking something from it. "This stupid Word of God."

 

There was no sign, nothing. Samandriel searched in the whole Church, even the whole field, flapping his wings every ten meters. Nothing.  
Nathaniel was sent to a different place when Adam used the sigil to repel angels. He didn't come back yet, and it was just one of the reasons Samandriel was panicking.

He looked around one more time, hoping that something would appear as if by magic. "Adam, where are you?"

Flapping the wings again, he disappeared, continuing his desperate search for Adam and the tablet. That boy was really intelligent and had the help of the Enochian on his spine, making him invisible to the angels' radar. The good side was that no other angel could find him and try to kill him to get the tablet. The bad side was that even Samandriel couldn't find him to make it up.

Streets, bars, motels, parks. His grace had returned pretty normal -- maybe more normal than it ever was after Heaven lent him some power to make him strong enough to face the Cage --, but he was starting to feel tired. Jumping to a place to another by using his angel mojo was wearing.

In the morning, he sat down on a bench and looked foward. The grass stretched to a small field made of black sand. There were park swings painted with blue and yellow paint, a part for children and the other probably for babies. A huge yellow rubber duck next to a seesaw, a platform for climbing made of old wood, and some other toys that hadn't had drawn the angel's attention. The park was fenced off by a gray grid, with little colored flags all over it. Blue, red, green, yellow. It would be very nice to be there, if the situation were different. He understood why Kate Milligan had taken Adam there when he was a kid.  
Some kids were loudly playing around, but Samandriel wasn't paying attention. His world fell, and he was afraid the worst hadn't come yet.

 

"Why Adam? Why couldn't I try to talk to Dean?" He asked, looking to the ground.

"You know why, Samandriel." Naomi replied, and sighed. She was sitting on her desk, while Samandriel on a chair in front of her. "The Winchesters and Castiel can't take this tablet. They will try to close Heaven forever. They will close us here. That's why it needed to be Adam."

The younger angel finally looked up. He had a sad and tired expression on his face. "You manipulated me and Adam. I- I knew things were going to end bad, but..."

"You left your heart on the way. But, fortunately, you found the tablet. Where is it?"

Samandriel felt dizzy, he could feel he was starting to sweat cold. "I... I've lost it."

Silence. Naomi frowned and tilted her head a little. "You did what?" The anger was starting to take her control. "You lost the tablet?! Where is it, Samandriel?"

"I don't know!" He licked his lips, nervous. "Adam repelled me and Nathaniel when he found the tablet. I spent the whole night trying to find him, but... but the Enochian o his spine didn-"

"Enough." Naomi sighed again, getting up. "Nathaniel, another useless angel." She walked towards the big window and looked to the outside. "I am busy trying to fix our home, Samandriel. You know how bad it is now."

"I know..." He looked down one more time, lowering his head. Memories of Heaven in caos, burned wings and dead angels everywhere filled his mind. He wished he could forget what he saw his home becoming.

"It takes time, angels... You need to destroy this tablet. I can't let anything threat our family again." She looked at the younger angel. "Do you understand? We can't let these humans ruin it. Find the tablet and destroy it immediately. If you need to kill them, do it."

When Samandriel raised his head again, he wasn't in that room anymore. The park was still the same, but colder now.  
He sighed heavily and leaned his elbows on his knees, covering his face on his hands. He needed to find Adam, to talk to him. He wanted to hug him and kiss him, to love him and feel him. He needed to redeem himself, to get the love of his life with him again. But how was he going to do that? Adam was hurt and disappointed, and with all reasons in the world. Why would he forgive Samandriel?

"I don't know what to do anymore." He murmured to himself, trying not to cry, despite the despair and fear that he would need to do what Naomi said.

"So young and so lost like this." A feminine voice said near the angel.

Samandriel stood up a little, enough to look at the person who said that. "Sorry, miss. What did you say?"

An old lady was sitting by his side on that bench, giving food to some pigeons near her. She was wearing a dress with vintage flowers, with a sky blue color. A dark blue, almost black coat made by a soft fabric. Her white hair was tied in a ponytail. She seemed to be a very sweet person. "What's the matter, my dear?"

"I..." His voice failed. He didn't know if he could talk to a human like that, but he was so lost... "I did something that I will regret forever, and I don't know if the person I love will ever forgive me. I don't think I deserve forgiveness, to be honest."

She finally looked at him, clear and light blue eyes staring tenderly at the angel. "There's nothing in this world that can't be forgiven. You love this person? Then fight for him. I am sure you are a good boy and didn't mean to hurt anyone. Am I right?"

"I... guess."

"If you just sit down here spending your time crying, you will never know." She smiled. "Have faith, my boy. If you let yourself lost in despair, you will never see the light in the final of this tunnel."

"You think it will work? I don't know how to do it." He looked at the pigeons. "I don't know if I have faith enough."

"You will know in the right time, dear. Now, what are you still doing here? Go find your love and fix what you did. When you finish it, come here again. I will bake some cookies for you and for him."

Samandriel smiled, almost chuckling. But he noticed something weird. "Miss, why are you using masculine pron-" She was gone. The angel looked around the park, but no sign of the old lady. He looked at the pigeons again, confused.

But, time to wonder what just happened there was a luxury he didn't have. He stood up and disappeared, the wind caused by his feathers startling the pigeons and making them fly.

The next place that Samandriel appeared was that abandoned house, where everything started. He looked around, to the sigils on the walls and windows, to the papers on the ground. Hell, even the sink made he feel nostalgic. It seemed that it has been years since he laid his hand on Adam's damaged soul, that he comforted him with his grace and hugs.  
He looked at the jacket he was wearing. Oh, that time in the restaurant... their first kiss. Samandriel sat on the bed and started to cry, finally letting all the pain he was feeling out. He covered his face with his hands and left the sobs shake his shoulders. Everything hurt, and hurt so bad.  
But that old lady was right. He couldn't just stay there crying. He needed to act.

The angel wiped the tears of his cheeks and looked at the ground. "... What?" Something was missing. He was sure that a crumpled paper with cellphones' numbers was lying with the other papers, but it wasn't there anymore. A realization made his world turn upside down. "Adam is with the Winchesters."

A sound of wings flapping was the last thing that that house received.


	14. Love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Castiel stared at him in silence. A lot of thoughts invaded his head, but none of them showed a good option to that problem. ‘We need to hide it. I don’t know where, but sigils against angels can help.’”
> 
>  
> 
> (Ok guys, this chapter have a small sex scene, but I will be marking it with a / when it starts and ends, so you can skip it if you don’t want to read it. :) This chapter is also full of love fdhkf, and the final is very important to what will happen next. I hope you have fun and thanks for reading. <3)

 If someone asked, Adam could answer that that night was one of the worst of his life since he got out of the Pity.  
 First, he had trouble to sleep. He was still shaken by what happened and the wall wasn’t so firm anymore, making him having some small hallucinations and fever. Second, he needed to sleep on a small sofa, because there was just two beds and he denied like his life depended on that to not to change places with Sam or Dean. Despite the help with the tablet, Adam didn’t want to need them. For nothing.  
 He explained everything that happened and what Heaven wanted with the tablet, and everyone agreed to rest and call Castiel in the morning to decide what they should do.  
  
  
 ”That’s impossible. I can’t believe that.” Looking at the stone on his hands, Castiel sighed. “Samandriel would never do such thing. He is good.”

 ”No, he  _is not_.” Adam almost shouted, which made the other three look surprised at him. He immediately felt a little embarrassed and looked at the ground for a second. “Let’s try not to talk about this… this son of a bitch.” The pain was obvious on his voice. “What do we do with this shit? Heaven can’t take this.”

 Castiel stared at him in silence. A lot of thoughts invaded his head, but none of them showed a good option to that problem. “We need to hide it. I don’t know where, but sigils against angels can help. Obviously, I won’t be able to find it, too, so it’s the responsability of the three of you to keep it hidden.”

 ”Alright.” Dean said. “We should give this stone to Kevin to translate it.”

 Adam looked confused at him. “Who is Kevin?”

 ”He’s a prophet.” Sam replied. “He’s the only one in the world who can read what Metatron wrote on this tablet.”

 ”I bet Heaven fucked his life, too.” Adam smiled sarcastically after saying that.

 Sam opened his mouth to say something, but a sudden noise of flapping wings invaded the room. The papers flew everywhere and a not so calm energy swallowed the place.

 The three of them looked surprised, and Adam felt the ground under him move while his heart failed a beat just to start beating crazily.

 Samandriel seemed pale, eyes red and with a tired expression on his face. He would feel happy to see Castiel again, safe and sound there, but he was desperate. He didn’t even pay attention to the tablet his brother was holding.  
 The younger angel looked at Adam — who was glaring at him now. He was feeling so bad about what he did he could barely look at him. “Adam, I… We need to talk.”

 Adam wanted to run away, to hide his face, to scream or cry, to say how much he was hurt and how he hated himself for trusting a damn angel again, but the only thing he did was to press his own lips against each other and frown. “I have nothing to talk to you. Get the fuck out of here.”

 Sam and Dean didn’t know what to do about the situation. It was really awkward and strangely dangerous. Castiel wasn’t there anymore. He was gone with the tablet.

 ”I am sorry, Adam. I really am. I thought I was doing the right thing.” The angel said, trying to be careful with his words. “I couldn’t let anything bad happen to you.”

 ”Oh, right.” Adam smiled, but there was just anger and pain on his expression. “Do you really think lies and manipulation aren’t bad things?”

 Dean cleared his throat. “Sam, let’s buy some beers. We ran out of it.”

 Sam didn’t even answer to that. He and Dean left the room, looking apprehensive to the other boys. Was that a good idea to let them alone? Probably no. But Castiel had the tablet and Heaven needed Adam, so nothing bad would happen. Deep down, Dean knew Samandriel would never hurt Adam. Not physically. And they really needed to talk.

 When the door was closed, an awkward silence prevailed for a moment.

 ”I don’t want to talk to you.” Adam was the first to speak. “I don’t want to look at you, angel. Leave me alone.”

 Being called like that shouldn’t hurt, but the way the boy was talking made Samandriel feel worse than he was already feeling. “I know what I did was wrong, but-“

 ”What? You thought it was better to me if I didn’t know I was being used? You thought I would be happy for being manipulated by someone I love?” His tone was so sharp it could cut something. “Yeah, I am really happy right now.”

 ”Don’t say that.” Samandriel stepped foward. “I had no other choice. I needed to do the way I did. And it’s hurting more than anything… I- I am sorry, Adam!” He tried to say more, but no words were coming out. What was he supposed to say? How was he going to make it up?

 Adam sighed and wandered his gaze on the ground. He was trying to think, trying to understand why all that happened, why Samandriel, in the end, wasn’t different.  
 After a torturing silence, he looked at the angel again. The anger was almost gone, but the pain and disappointment, the confusion and expectation were more present than ever. “Why… Why didn’t you trust me? Everything would be different if you had told me what was happening.”

 Samandriel closed his eyes and frowned. It was starting to get harder not to cry. “No, it wouldn’t be different. Not in a good way. You would never help me. You would hate me. You would die.” He walked toward the human again and just stopped when he was close to him. “You would never love me.” He took one of his hands and dared to touch Adam’s face. Fortunately, the only reaction was Adam closing his eyes for a few seconds. Time enough to all the feelings they were feeling go down.

 The world stopped moving, the sounds of cars on the street disappeared. Adam approached his face to Samandriel’s, bowing slightly his body so he could be able to touch their lips against each other.  
 There was no space for surprises. Samandriel needed that so much he immediately kissed Adam back, embracing him in a tight hug.  
 It was a gentle touch at first, with careful movements, as if they could break something. But that wasn’t enough. As fast as it started, the kiss took a desperate rhythm. They needed each other, they needed to touch and feel each other so much it felt as it would break them apart if the kiss stopped. /  
 Pushing his and Samandriel’s body to a wall near the room’s door, Adam pressed the angel against it, making him moan between their lips. His arms were firmly holding the human’s backs, pulling him closer as much as he could. But they needed a break to breathe.

 Adam separated their lips for a few inches. Distance enough for their eyes to meet each other one more time. There was no questions, no warnings to stop. Samandriel quickly took off Adam’s jacket before other desperate, full of desire kiss started again, as Adam pressed their bodies against the wall.  
 Moving awkwardly to try to take their clothes off, they slipped to the ground until Adam was sitting on his legs and Samandriel over his hips, forgetting the fact that they were arguing a moment ago and letting themselves sink in the need to have each other.  
  
  
 Wet kisses. Heavy thrusts. Loud moans. Samandriel’s backs were rubbing against the wall as Adam moved his hips under him. He tried to move as fast and strong as he could. He despairingly tried to punch the pain and sorrow away with every one of his thrusts, making the angel on his lap moan as loudly and constantly as himself, moving up and down in an almost synchronized movement.  
 Feeling each other’s warm body moving so close, feeling their touches, their wet skin and lips erased completely the fact that they were away and hurt before. And that’s what they needed the most. Every thrust made a little of the pain go away, and the feeling both things caused to Adam just made him want to push his hips faster and stronger to the point he couldn’t think of anything. Anything but the angel, anything but the love he felt for that son of a bitch.

 Samandriel couldn’t tell how was the sensation of having Adam inside him, moving so fast and strong he also couldn’t think about anything but the human. The desperate and angry thrusts were making both of them forget everything. Bad feelings, physical and psychological pain, Heaven and Hell. Everything. The whole world didn’t matter if they could still make love to each other. Because that wasn’t just sex, just an impulse to let the desire explode. That was love.

 ”You stupid, stupid little angel.” Adam moaned those words while touching Samandriel’s forehead with his own, mixing their wet hair. He didn’t stop thrusting his hips.

 The angel opened his eyes and tried to hold Adam’s face with both of his hands — which was difficult in his position; knees almost touching the human’s shoulders and hips connected to the another. “Adam-” He was stopped by more loud moans. His body was getting so hot and excited he couldn’t hold himself. “I love you. I love you more than anything.”

 Adam pressed himself harder against Samandriel after hearing that, taking a long and loud moan from the angel as a response. They held each other firmly again, starting another kiss as the thrusts guided them to an end. /  
  
  
 Adam slowly touched Samandriel’s cheek with the back of his fingers, looking at his big blue eyes. He was in silence, but the tired and sad expression he had once was no longer there.  
 Samandriel approached his face and gave him a lazy, tender kiss. They were hugging, lying on the cold ground of the motel’s room, but that didn’t matter to them. The world didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Just the cozy and good feeling they were having for being close like that to each other.  
 When they finally looked at each other again, the angel moved his lips in a silent  _I love you_. Which made Adam smile slightly, answering with an  _I love you too_  and another tender kiss.  
 But they knew that wouldn’t last forever. The Winchesters would come back at any moment, so they need to dress up.

 ”I… I don’t know what to say.” Samandriel said while putting his pants on.

 ”No need to say something.” The younger finished putting his clothes on and waited until the angel was done with his own. He sighed and pulled Samandriel to another tight hug, resting his mouth on the top of his head.

 Samandriel just hugged him and hid his face on the boy’s chest and kept the silence for a minute. “It’s not over yet, right? You… You didn’t forgive me…” He barely said the words correctly, afraid that they would ruin the moment.

 ”I don’t know.” Adam replied sincerely. He moved his body enough to look at the angel’s eyes again. There was no pain or anger on Adam’s face anymore, just a little sorrow, but he looked relaxed. Loved. “I really don’t know, Samandriel.”

 That was way better than a ‘no’. The angel’s chest was filled with a hope he didn’t even know he had. Maybe the end wouldn’t be so bad? Maybe Adam could forgive him? Well, after what they did, the angel was sure Adam didn’t hate him. He drew a shy smile on his lips and decided not to say anything.

 Adam could smile too, even if his lips barely moved. He sighed and kissed Samandriel again, trying to hold on the good feelings. He didn’t want to feel bad again, he just wanted to forget everything, even if he hadn’t had a whole reason to forgive Samandriel.  
 The angel was feeling the same. He just wanted to hold Adam and never let him go again. He didn’t want to lose him again. He would do anything to fix his mistakes.

 But, the dream sensation was over. Dean opened the room’s door, making Samandriel and Adam move away from each other with the most awkward body language someone could have.

 ”Um, sorry if we interrupted something.” Dean said as he put a beer crate and a white bag on the tablet near a small kitchen.

 ”Shut up.” Adam quickly replied, rubbing his hand on the left side of his hips. He was getting nervous.

 He would say something more, but stopped when Castiel entered the room. He seemed less worried than when he got out of the room. The tablet was hidden and he just needed to tell the Winchesters where. But, that would be impossible with Samandriel there.

 ”Brother.”

 ”Castiel. It’s good to see that you are alive.” The younger angel replied with a small smile on his lips. But, as soon as he did that, a realization hit him. His expression darkened. “Where is the tablet?”

 Adam looked at him, but said nothing.

 ”It’s hidden where Heaven can’t put their dirty hands on it.” Castiel said, as serious as Samandriel. “Brother, it’s still in time. You can fix your mistakes and help us.”

 ”Get this tablet, Samandriel. It’s your best chance.” Naomi said on the brief moment she and Samandriel were in the white room.

 ”Give me the tablet, Castiel. I am not joking here. Give me it.” He started to move his wings, pointing them as a arrow to his brother. That was clearly a threat posture.

 The only thing Castiel could do was to spread his wings as much as he could, as if he was showing he had no intention to fight. The humans in the room couldn’t see that, so they didn’t notice how bad the situation was getting. “Stop it, Samandriel.”

 ”Samandriel, stop. You can fix it, don’t you see?” Adam finally said, trying to draw the angel’s attention to him.  _Doesn’t today mean anything to you?_

 Samandriel looked at him, a bit confused. The despair to finish the mission and make Adam’s wall safe was blinding him. As much as Naomi’s influence. He looked at Castiel again. “It’s not just about Heaven and our brothers, Castiel. I need to destroy this tablet.”

 ”No. I can’t let you do this.”

 Naomi sighed frustrated on her chair. She wandered her gaze around her desk. “There’s no other way.” An unusual concern was present on her voice. She looked at Samandriel. “Kill him and get the tablet.”

 ”… What?” Samandriel was so surprised he couldn’t even think about what he heard.

 ”Kill him.”

 Castiel was confused by Samandriel’s blank expression, but it quickly changed places with surprise.  
 The younger angel materialized an angel blade on his right hand, which surprised everyone. He was breathing fast, so nervous he was almost trembling. What the hell was he doing? He couldn’t kill Castiel. He would never do it.

 A weird moan distracted him. He looked at his side and what he saw made his heart fail a beat.  
 Adam put a hand on his nose as he bowed his body foward. A lot blood started to come out of his nose, making him cough for not being able to breathe from it. The wall was broken.  
 All the hallucinations and memories of Hell hit him so hard he felt dizzy. The room’s walls were moving, the place was swallowed by tortured screams and the smell of spoiled and burnt flesh almost made Adam puke.  
  
 ”Adam!!” Sam and Dean shouted and tried to hold his half-brother’s body, who was starting to moan in pain. His face and chest were already bloodstained.  
  
 Samandriel was starting to panic. All his muscles tensed up for seeing Adam like that. What should he do? What should he do?  
  
 ”We had a deal! Why did you break the wall?” Samandriel asked exasperated.

 ”Get this damn tablet, Samandriel. You lost it, you broke the deal first.”

 ”But-“

 ”KILL HIM.”

 And with an impulsive movement, Samandriel ran to Castiel and both flapped their wings, disappearing. Castiel wouldn’t let being killed, and if they had to fight, it should be away from the humans.

 ”Dammit, Alfie!” Dean said, looking at where both angels were a few seconds ago.

 They lied Adam down on the nearest bed, but that didn’t help a lot. They had been through that before. The loss of a wall was something fatal, and this time they didn’t know what to do.

 Adam was twitching on the bed, almost screaming in pain as the hallucinations and fever worsened. He was running out of time.


	15. Fix me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I’m so sorry for taking so long to update the fic! I had some problems and a lot of homework from my course, but I finally finished it! It’s the penultimate chapter, and I hope you have fun [or feels] reading it. <3)
> 
>  
> 
> "It was almost afternoon, but all the grey clouds made it seem later. Not that that mattered, because the only thing Samandriel wanted was to take the Word of God and end that terrible situation at any cost."

 Heaven. Hell. Earth. Everything was so hot and spinning so much, Adam couldn’t tell the difference between those three things.  
 Screams. Pain. Torture. The walls were trembling and crying blood as an evil laugh echoed for the whole room. Was it the cage? Was it Hell? Adam tried to say something, to ask for all that to stop, but nothing was coming out of his mouth. Except blood. Blood, blood and more blood. His whole body was aching. His bones, his organs, everything. It seemed that someone was messing his body up as he slowly fell on the ground, screaming in pain.  
  
  
 "Oh man. You think he will handle this for how long?" Sam asked with a concerned voice as he looked at the boy on the bed. Adam had stopped bleeding, but he still looked like being in a heavy pain. He was pale, sweating and moaning.

 "I don’t know, Sam. I really don’t know." Dean sighed. “But we need to do something. I need to find Alfie and Cas."

 The younger man looked at him, a very surprised expression on his face. “Are you serious? How do you find two angels fighting? They can be anywhere. Maybe even in another planet!"

 "I need to try, alright?" His tone was louder and angrier now, but he tried to calm himself down before speaking again. “I just… I can’t let this kid suffer more than he already did."

 "I know."

 "You watch him while I go search for those two." The eldest said and grabbed his Impala’s keys, walking to the door. But, before opening it, something drew his attention.

 Adam was awake and trying to sit down.

 Exasperated, Dean and Sam approach the boy and tried to make him stay on the bed. What the hell was he thinking?

 "Samandriel…" Adam murmured as he tried to open his eyes. “Where’s Samandriel?"

 Sam looked at Dean, concerned. Would it be a good idea to tell the boy that the angel was gone, trying to kill Castiel?

 "We don’t know." The eldest said. “But I’m going to find him now."

 It took Adam a few seconds to speak again. The pain on his brain and all the hallucinations were making even the simple things — like breathing — really difficult. He tried to sit on the bed, but failed, which made he sigh in frustration. He was feeling his head too heavy to move like that. “I’m going with you."

 "What?" The other two said at the same time.

 "I am going with you, Dean." His voice was weak, and it seemed to hurt to say each word. But he needed to try. He needed to do something about Samandriel. With succes this time, he sat on the bed and looked at his half-brothers. Or what looked like them in his troubled mind. “I don’t want to die like an useless idiot on a motel bed. I need to do something. I need to stop that stupid angel."

 "No. Just stop." Dean said, shaking his right hand to emphasize what he was saying. “You crazy? In your conditions, you will die in the first second you put your feet out of this room. We have seen this before, alright? I know how bad it is for someone to lose this damn wall, and I’m not gonna let you die again."

 Adam’s gaze was a mixture of anger and pain. Who the hell Dean thought he was to say that? In Adam’s mind, Dean never cared about him and left he rot in the cage with Lucifer and Michael. He had no right to stop Adam to make what he wanted.

 "Adam, look. I’ve lost my wall, too. I know how it feels. And I’m not gonna let you go out like this." Sam was the one to speak now. He approached more the bed where Adam was and sat on his side. “Dean will find Alfie and stop him. Everything will be okay. I’ll be here for you, like I was in the cage. Just trust me."

 The younger looked at Sam now. Remembering the time that both of them were in the cage, when Sam was protecting him and being a safe haven to keep Adam sane, made the boy less worried, less angry. “I trust you, Sam."

 "Great." Sam smiled briefly. “Now try to rest and don’t do anything stupid. We will fix everything."

 Adam glared at Dean, which made the older a little confused, but he soon laid down on the bed again and closed his eyes. His head was really heavy and laying down like that made it look like his brain was shaken in a box.

 With a heavy sigh, Dean looked at Sam again for a few seconds before leaving the room. It hurt to imagine how much Adam hated him.  
  
  
  
 "Samandriel, stop! I don’t want to hurt you." Castiel yelled as he tried to defend himself with his own angel blade.

 The other angel was attacking him on and on, trying to stab him or punch him with his hands in any place he could. “Give me the tablet! Where is it, Castiel? Where is it?!"

 They both were on the top of a comercial building in New York, kilometers away from the Winchesters and Adam. It was almost afternoon, but all the grey clouds made it seem later. Not that that mattered, because the only thing Samandriel wanted was to take the Word of God and end that terrible situation at any cost.

 "This is not you, brother." Castiel was able to say before receiving an unexpected punch in the face, which made he almost fall on the ground, but his wings gave him enough balance. “What are they doing to you?!"

 Samandriel wasn’t exactly listening. His whole world was pale, almost all white. He wasn’t seeing anything but white. It made him more desperate than he already was, especially because a voice kept saying “Kill him. Get the tablet.". Heaven had the total control of that one angel.

 He attacked again, using his blade as a sword in Castiel’s direction, who stepped back and in seconds was defending himself again from more blade blows.  
  
  
  
 In the other part of the country, Sam was searching something on his laptop, sitting on a chair near Adam’s bed. Everything was quiet and calm now, which could mean the youngest brother had finally slept, despite all the pain he was feeling.  
  
  
 The place looked like the old park where his mother took him when he was a kid. The difference was that everything was on fire, it was dark and there was blood and tortured screams everywhere. A truly nightmare.

 Sitting on the bloodstained bench, Adam sighed. He wasn’t feeling so much pain in that place of his mind, probably because he was asleep, so he could talk now. “I don’t care if you like me or not, there’s something much more important going on and I need your help." He prayed. “I… I don’t know what I feel for Samandriel anymore. I thought I was sure I hated him, that I never wanted to see him again, but… I just fucking need him, man. After everything we had been through together… after everything we did… I love that bastard so much I…" He stopped, looking around. “Please, help me to find him. Help me to talk to him and make he stop. Please."

 It took a minute for a noise of wings to be heard behind Adam’s back. Nathaniel was there. “Father fucking damn it, you two." He said, angrier than ever.

 "Nathaniel…" The boy stood up and looked at the angel. “Samandriel and that other angel are in danger. We need to find them."

 "Wait. What that feathered head did this time? It’s unbelievable!" Nathaniel walked around the bench, impatient. “I said to him to keep himself away from you, but nooo! He fell, he fell in love with you and ruined everything!" He almost yelled in Adam’s direction. “What do you humans have that’s so special? Why do my brothers like you so much? Why do they do shit to save your stupid asses?!"

 "Hey! Calm down there." Adam said, but he wasn’t that calm, too. “You can say everything you want, but later! Let’s fix this fucking mess first."

 "Alright. Fine. I get it." He sighed, rubbing his vessel’s temple with his fingers. “Where are you?"  
  
  
  
 Searching for two angels while driving wasn’t one of his best ideas, he had to admit that. But Dean needed to try. He couldn’t let Castiel and Samandriel kill each other. He couldn’t lose more important people, he couldn’t let Adam lose the only creature that helped him and saved him from the cage.  
 The Impala was crossing a street in a small city when one of Dean’s cellphones rang.

 "Dean, we have a serious situation." Sam said in the other side of the call.

 The thought of something bad happening to Adam almost made Dean lose control of the car. So, he stopped it near the sidewalk of a flower shop. “Sam, what the hell? What happened to Adam? Is he okay?"

 The younger man sighed and walked around the room, trying to take the courage to tell his brother what happened. “He’s gone." He said, taking a more few seconds to continue. “I mean, he suddenly disappeared. One minute he was sleeping, and then he disappeared!"

 "Son of a bitch!" Dean punched the wheel when he realized what Adam just did. “Another angel. What that kid is thinking? He’s gonna die and we can’t do shit about it."  
  
  
  
 Castiel fell on the hard ground of the building, his face and hands touching it as his blade slided away.  
 Samandriel wasn’t exactly a high rank angel, he even used to flee from the battle trainings, but now he was beating Castiel like it was the easiest thing on the world. The sane part of him was breaking for doing such a bad thing to his dearest brother, but the desperate — and controlled — part wanted to beat the other angel until he bleed all his Grace.

 "Samandriel, stop. Please." The older said, coughing his vessel’s blood. “We can fix this. We can save Adam and Heaven, too."

 "Please, Naomi! Make it stop! I can’t kill him." Samandriel begged in the white room. “We can fix this."

 Naomi took a few seconds to answer. Her expression was pretty serious, but she still could speak with a calm voice. “Fix this? I am fixing this." She stood up, calmly putting her hands on her desk. “I am fixing Heaven. I am fixing Hell. I am fixing the mess our home became." Her voice as getting louder as she continued. “I am fixing Castiel. I am fixing you!!"  
  
 Samandriel walked toward the angel on the ground and grabbed his shoulder, making Castiel turn his body to face him. “We are fixing this."  
 His angel blade appeared on his right as he sat on the other’s vessel, just to make sure he was totally trapped. His wings spread, his right hand was raised to near his head. Samandriel was ready to kill Castiel.

 "Samandriel!!" A familiar voice came from the opposite side of the building.

 The angel froze. He finally listened. And he knew that voice! But why was he hearing that? It couldn’t be possible. "…Adam?"

 Adam was standing up ten meters from the other two angels. He was using Nathaniel’s vessel’s body as a support, but the pain was still making he want to scream. Everything was dark and red, the tortured screams and evil laughs were echoing from the whole place, but he needed to concentrate.

 If he was going to die, at least he could save the angel he loved. “Don’t fucking move, angel. I am- I am here for you."


	16. Save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " The whole city, the sky, everything was black and red, full of flames. The buildings seemed to be destroyed, as if a big war happened there. That hallucination was the worst he ever had since Samandriel rescued him from the cage."
> 
> (The last part ended up way too long (4367 words), so I’m going to divide it in two parts, ok? I will post the last one in a few days, when I finish correcting it. And, English isn’t my first language, so I’m sorry if it has mistakes. ;u; Enjoy!)

”I am here for you, Samandriel.”

”Adam…”

The human slowly stepped foward, moving his right foot first and then the left, trying to go to the angel who was looking at him. He left Nathaniel, even though he wouldn’t have a lot of balance alone.

Castiel, noticing that Samandriel was static, flapped his wings to set himself free just to appear near Nathaniel a second later.

Adam’s world trembled each time his feet touched the ground. The screams and images of Hell and tortures were making his head ache crazily and making he feel dizzy and nauseous, but he couldn’t stop walking.  
The whole city, the sky, everything was black and red, full of flames. The buildings seemed to be destroyed, as if a big war happened there. That hallucination was the worst he ever had since Samandriel rescued him from the cage and it was draining all his energy. All his soul.  
It was so intense that nothing in that place seemed to have life, except something. There was something so different and unique in that place… A light. A bright, but small light could be seen in the other side of the building. It was so simple, but so comfortably warm and peaceful. Adam couldn’t understand why that was happening, but he was able to see Samandriel’s halo. Why? Why was he seeing that? Was it just part of the hallucination? Was it a trap? But it was so beautiful… and he needed to get there. He needed to talk to Samandriel.

Samandriel’s world, in the other hand, was still white. Everything was pale, his Grace and wings were paralized, his brain was fixed on only one thing: Adam. Why was him there? He could die! And this thought woke the angel up even more. He needed to fight, he needed to get the control of his Grace and vessel’s body again. He needed to save Adam.

 

“You’re not going to fix things like this, Naomi.” Samandriel said. He was sitting on one of the white armchairs in front of the other angel’s desk. “Just- Just free me! Let me save Adam.”

She squinted. “Why is this human so special to you?”

”I…” He looked at the ground for a few seconds, trying to find words to answer that question. “Adam is brave. He is a good man, and…” The younger angel smiled briefly. “He made me feel good things after- after I suffered too much with Crowley. I discovered this different and powerful kind of love because of him.”

Naomi just sighed a little frustrated. “I see.”

”I love him, Naomi. Do you even know how it feels to love someone so much and want to protect them? To try to keep them safe and never let them get hurt?”

”I do.” The other angel answered with an almost bitter voice, but she quickly recovered a blank expression. “And this is why I need to destroy that tablet. I love my family, and I will do everything to protect it.”

 

Letting his body fall on his knees, Adam knelt in front of Samandriel. The pain was growing so much it felt like something was beating him from the inside. It was making every movement more difficult and heavy. But, he couldn’t stop. He was finally near Samandriel and it made his heart beat faster.  
His arms quickly held the angel’s body and pulled him closer, hugging him as tight as he could.  
And it just felt so good, so good! It was like all his world was falling down. All the black and red, all the screams and bad smells, all the pain and agony. Everything was falling down to uncover the real world, the real and good feelings.

Samandriel finally left go of his blade, as much as his tears. Feeling Adam’s body, so warm and so comfortable, feeling somehow safe between his arms woke Samandriel up instantly. Everything was coming back to normal as he hugged the human and held him tight, hiding his face on the other’s shoulder. Oh, he was so happy that Adam was there. He was so happy to be free, to be able to hug the one he loved so much.  
Breaking the connection with Heaven made Samandriel feel dizzy and a little bewildered, especially because he was coming back to the real world too fast, so he kept that hug really tight. He felt he would fall in an abyss if he left the human go.

Adam was doing the same, but in a few seconds he pushed himself away enough to look Samandriel in the eyes and touch his face with his hands. They didn’t know exactly what to say to each other, or how to handle all those things they were feeling so strongly, but one thing they knew for sure: they needed each other, no matter how bad things were.  
So, Adam approached more his face to the angel’s and touched his lips with his own, waiting for a response to start a long, needy kiss. Which didn’t take long to happen.  
Samandriel pulled him closer and kissed him back, letting all the problems be forgotten at least for a minute, letting himself lost in all the strong feelings they both were having. Loving each other back to life. 

”I am so sorry, Adam. I-I just wanted to make everything to be okay.” The angel said after they broke the kiss, even though their foreheads were still touching. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, to hurt your feelings. I didn’t want to lie to you. I am- I am so sorry…”

Adam kissed the angel again. He was still mad and disappointed, but at the same time he was feeling great. His love could be bigger than the bitterness and sorrow. ”Everything will be okay, Samandriel.” He was able to say. “We will make it be okay.”  
Seeing Samandriel shaking his head negatively against his forehead, Adam pushed himself a little away to look at the angel’s eyes, and held his face with both of his hands again. “Listen. We killed demons, we estudied a lot, we entered a damn abandoned church, you had to handle me being a jerk and also your brother being a pain in our asses. Don’t- Don’t give up now, okay?” He wiped one of the tears on the other’s cheeks. “We both know that what happened was wrong and I’m still really fucking angry, but we can learn with this. We can fix all this.”

Samandriel nodded. Those words made he feel way better, made he believe that maybe there was a light in the end of that tunnel. How could Adam be so nice to him after everything he did? Samandriel thought he was really lucky, but that he didn’t deserve that at all.  
He smiled briefly and looked down for a few seconds before saying something. “We will make it be okay.”

Adam showed a small smile on the left side of his lips. “We will.” And hugged Samandriel tight again, who quickly responded to that.

They held each other like they could never let go, ignoring the fact that the other two angels were still there observing them.

But, some seconds later, Samandriel felt something weird. Adam’s body started to get heavy against his vessel and his arms were slowly slipping. “Adam?” No response. “Adam, what is wrong?”

Adam had made too much effort to walk alone toward the angel. His brain and damaged mind worked too much, more than he ever should. He had no strenght to fight against the things the cage caused to him. He was too tired, too weak. And the pain and hallucinations were coming faster and stronger now. He was dying.

”Please, Adam, talk to me.” Samandriel took the human’s body and held him with his arms, leaning Adam’s backs on his left arm while his right one held the other side of his body. Seeing that Adam was unconscious and bleeding from his nose again, Samandriel sighed heavily and tried no to cry or panic, even though he was feeling totally lost and afraid that he would lose Adam there. “Don’t leave me now, Adam. Please, talk to me! Wake up, please.” His voice break with the last word. What was he supposed to do? How was he going to save Adam now? He couldn’t let Adam die. He couldn’t lose him!

”Shit!” Nathaniel exclaimed and looked at Castiel, who had a way too serious and concerned expression on his face. They both flapped their wings to go to the other two.

”He is dying. We don’t have much time.” Castiel said as he touched Adam’s cold forehead.

”Well, it’s obvious, Castiel!” Nathaniel said exasperated. He wouldn’t admit, but he was pretty worried about that human, too. And especially about Samandriel. What would happen if his little brother lost his precious human? Nathaniel didn’t want to discover that at all. “What do we do?”

Samandriel held Adam against his vessel’s body and hugged him tight again, whispering some words, still asking him to wake up and saying how much he loved him, how much he regretted everything. He tried to heal him with his Grace, but nothing was working.  
At least Naomi lost the connection and seemed to be having problem to get it back.

”There is a way to save him from his memories of the Cage and the damage it has caused to him.” Castiel said, his voice had a very serious tone. “But it’s too dangerous… for Samandriel and for Adam.”

”I will do it.” The younger angel said without thinking twice.

”What?!” Nathaniel looked incredulous at Samandriel and then at Castiel. “No way. No, I can’t let Samandriel do it.”

Castiel gave him a disaproval gaze. What the hell was wrong with him? “This is Samandriel’s decision. He has the right to decide what is better for him. Or at least what he wants to do.”

”But-“

”There is nothing to argue about.” Samandriel was the one to speak now. He raised his head to look at the other two angels. “I need to redeem myself and save Adam.”


	17. Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "His wings were starting to get hot, the whole room was bright, his whole being was aching so much he couldn’t hold a scream."
> 
>  
> 
> (And it came to an end. Thanks everyone who read and still reads this story. I hope you all had fun and enjoyed it. It took a long time to post, and now that it finally happened, I will miss writing it. haha Well, for this last part, here goes something important before you read it: just keep going, just keep reading. <3)

 ”Are you sure about this? It can be too dangerous.” Dean asked as he crossed his arms. Even though he wanted Adam to get well, that idea seemed too risky.

 Samandriel drank a whole cup of whiskey in a shot, trying to give himself more courage and also to calm him down a little. “Yeah.” He took his hand with the cup to Castiel, so he could pour a little more of that drink. “I just need a minute.”

 Sam, Dean and Castiel looked worried at each other. Dean frowned a little, looked at the older angel and moved his head to Samandriel’s direction with a expression that pretty much was saying, “Talk to him!”. But Castiel ignored it. He knew Samandriel wouldn’t stop now. He knew how it was to need to fix mistakes like the ones his brother made.

 Nathaniel was in the background, walking to a side to another, so worried and distressed he didn’t even care when his wings accidentally bumped on some of the furniture.

 ”Alright.” The younger angel said, handing the elder one his empty cup. “Sam and Dean Winchester, if you don’t want to wait outside, close your eyes.” He said and walked to the bed where Adam was lying unconscious.  
 Even though he needed to hurry, Samandriel calmly sat down by Adam’s side and gently touched his face with one hand. “If you can listen to me… I am sorry for making everything wrong. You gave me peace with your love after I suffered so much… now is my time to give you the peace you deserve.” He approached more his face to the human and touched his lips in a soft kiss. “No matter what happens, don’t open your eyes.”

 A bright light started to shine from his vessel’s eyes as he held Adam’s head with both of his hands. It continued to shine until a big shadow of a pair of wings could be seen in the wall behind him. Sam and Dean quickly closed their eyes with their hands while Castiel stood still, staring at his younger brother with concern. Nathaniel didn’t want to look.

 After half a minute, Samandriel’s Grace was making both his vessel’s and Adam’s body shine in a bright light. The angel pressed his teeth against each other, trying to handle the excruciating pain that was swallowing him.  
 It seemed that Adam was in pain, too. And it woke him up. He pressed his eyes and tried to hold Samandriel’s forearms. What the hell was happening? What was the angel doing? But he had no succes on doing that, especially because his brain seemed it was about to explode. Was he, in fact, going to die now? Adam couldn’t accept that! If he was dying, he needed to at least look at Samandriel for the last time. But something, something deep down in his mind was telling him to keep his eyes closed. Maybe he was listening, after all.

 Samandriel was using his whole Grace to cure Adam. It was something like what he did after he rescued the human from the cage, but now with a hundred percent of his energy. He was giving up on his Grace to save Adam.  
 There was a big chance for it to work, but also a chance for it to kill both of them because of the amount of celestial energy being used there. Samandriel was trying his best to keep Adam safe even now.

 Oh, the pain. It was getting so bad the angel had to lean his forehead on Adam’s chest while holding his head. He just wanted it to end soon. He just wanted it to save Adam, to make him safe.  
 His wings were starting to get hot, the whole room was bright, his whole being was aching so much he couldn’t hold a scream, so loud that his vessel’s voice changed places with his real one, which made Dean and Sam put his hands on his ears. Was it starting to get dangerous to them, too?

 But, as soon as the scream began, a small explosion of light happened and swallowed the whole room, making everything white and leaving after a few seconds nothing but an weird and uncomfortable silence.

 Sam was the first one to open his eyes and drop his hands, followed by Dean. “What happened? Why did it stop?” The taller one asked.

 Castiel didn’t answer, he was too shocked to say something.

 Nathaniel wasn’t looking, but when he noticed it was finally over, he turned his body to see what happened and what he found made his world fall. No, that couldn’t have happened. It couldn’t be true.

 Samandriel was over Adam, who was still unconcious. His head was resting on the human’s chest and his arms around him. A big, black mark started from the ceiling, crossed the wall at the other side of the room and ended on the ground near Castiel’s shoes. Samandriel’s wings were burned all over the place and over his and Adam’s body.

 ”No, Alfie…” Dean said, his voice breaking a little. He couldn’t believe in what he was seeing.

 Sam looked away. He didn’t knew Samandriel that much, but it was so bad to see that… Some angels are bad, some angels are good. And these ones didn’t deserve to die.

 Castiel didn’t know what to say, he was so hurt and sad he couldn’t even think straight. And to add to that, Nathaniel started to cry. “My… My little brother… What… What did he just do?!” He yelled. “Why do humans need to be so special? Why did Samandriel need to be so damn stupid he just… he just… I fucking hate him, he…”

 ”Nathaniel-” Castiel tried to say something, but the other angel was already gone. He looked at Dean, trying to seek any comfort or at least the smallest hope he could get. But Dean was also feeling horrible. For Samandriel and for Adam. He needed to check if his brother was okay, but if he was, what were they supposed to tell him?

 Sam didn’t know what to do neither. He looked at the boys on the bed again, trying to let the reality hit him. But, something weird drew his attention. He lowered his body enough to look better at the angel.

 ”Guys. Guys!” He finally said, trying to draw the other two’s attention. He stood up and looked at them with a small, but bright and excited smile on his tired face.

 Dean and Castiel didn’t understand why the hell Sam seemed happy, so they immediately looked at the bed where the two unconcious boys were lying. And what they saw surprised them: Samandriel was moving his body, trying to get up, but he was visibly weak and too tired to accomplish anything.

 ”Son of a bitch!” Dean exclaimed as a big smile appeared on his lips.

 Samandriel looked at Adam, praying to God to everything be okay. And, when he saw that the human was breathing, a broken but happy chuckle escaped from him. He did it. He saved Adam. If he wasn’t feeling so tired and sore, he could hug him tight and squeeze him. So, he just laid down on Adam’s chest, hid his face there and tried to hug him as much as he could, silently chuckling as some tears wet the human’s shirt.

 Castiel sighed relieved, letting his lips move into a wide and happy smile. The thought of losing another brother, and a so dear one, made he feel devasted. He couldn’t lose part of his family again.

 ”Alfie, you okay?” Dean asked, still excited for seeing the angel moving. And, as much as he was happy to see that Samandriel and Adam survived, he was still worried. “You freaking did it, man. Is Adam okay, too?”

 Samandriel was still quiet. He tried to sit down again, finally doing it this time. His throat was too dry to speak, but he tried anyway. “Adam will be fine. He just needs a good night of sleep. And… um, I am okay.” But he knew it wasn’t exactly the truth. He used all his Grace and it burned his wings. That was something that would never be okay.

 ”Good.” The older human said. “I am sorry for your wings, man.” Dean didn’t exactly know how to comfort Samandriel about that, or if there was something that could comfort him, but he tried.

 Samandriel looked at the mark on the ground and sighed. What happened was terrible, but he cared more about his and Adam’s life. They both were alive, they both were free now. It wasn’t okay, but he could deal with that. “It doesn’t matter. I think I just need to sleep, too.”

 ”I am going to tell Nathaniel that you’re fine.” Castiel said and walked to the door. But, before opening it, he turned himself again to the other angel’s direction and smiled. “I am proud of you, brother.”

 Samandriel smiled, too. Hearing that made he feel so good, despite everything, and especially because Castiel was the angel he looked up the most in Heaven because of everything the angel did, and now  _he_  made something good. He saved the human he loved. “Thank you, brother.”  
  
  
  
  
 The next day was a sunny day, even though it was still a little cold. Samandriel and Adam slept on the same bed, while Sam and Dean disputed to see who would get the other bed. Sam won.  
 Castiel just stayed on a chair, watching over the humans and making sure no one would disturb them. Nathaniel was still mad, but extremely happy to see that his brother was alive. Without his Grace and wings, but alive.

 They got Samandriel new clothes and waited for him outside the motel to go finish the case that brought Dean and Sam to that city.

 When Samandriel left the room — with black jeans, a grey shirt and a dodger blue plaid with long sleeves —, the first person he looked for was Adam. He walked around and smiled briefly when he saw the human leaning his body on the front part of the Impala and drinking something. “Hey!”

 Adam raised his head and looked at Samandriel. Seeing him with new clothes was something strangely good, especially with how pretty he looked with that plaid. “Hey.”

 ”Well, um…” Samandriel stopped nine feet from Adam, putting his hands in his new pockets. “How are you? I haven’t seen you since yesterday.” He was feeling a little awkward, but he didn’t know why exactly.

 Adam seemed pretty well. Healthy. That sad and tired expression he had with him for months disappeared completely. He drank more of the beer he was holding and looked foward. “Just fine. The Shun and Hyoga thing you did worked really well.”

 Samandriel tilted his head, confused. “I’m happy to know that you’re fine, but I think I didn’t get your reference.”

 The boy chuckled, drinking again. “Nevermind.” He looked at Samandriel again. “Thank you, uh, for what you did for me. Though I think it wasn’t necessary for you to use all your Grace on me. I didn’t want you to get hurt or lose all your powers and wings.” His expression was getting more serious. “I am grateful, but don’t expect me to be okay with this.”

 Samandriel looked at the ground. His Grace was gone when he tried to heal all Adam’s wounds and the damage the cage had caused, but he still had few powers. He still could heal, exorcize demons and hear other angels. It was a little comforting. “No, Adam. It’s fine.”

 Adam sighed a little frustrated, looking foward again for a second. “It’s not fine, Samandriel. It’s not fair with you. My sanity in exchange of your status as an angel? It doesn’t seem fair at all.”

 ”Look.” Samandriel walked again, until he was near the other human. “If it makes you feel better, I did that for me, too.”

 Adam frowned, confused. “What?”

 ”I am free.” A smile crossed his closed lips. “Heaven can’t control me anymore. I can sleep, I can eat, I can rest… I can forget what demons did to me. I can forget the torture now. Don’t you think it’s good?”

 The younger just looked Samandriel in the eyes for a few seconds, in a complete silence. He was relieved to know that Samandriel didn’t sacrificed himself just to cure him, and even less guilty. “Well, it sounds good. It’s really good to forget what those assholes did to us.” He offered a beer bottle to Samandriel, who took it after a few seconds. “And, speaking of assholes, what will we do about Heaven and that tablet?”

 Samandriel opened the bottle and drank a little. He didn’t like the taste that much, but he would drink it anyway. “Castiel said he would take care of the tablet for me. Heaven can’t find me, you and the Winchesters… It’s not a big problem to us anymore, but we can help them to hide it.”

 ”Great.” Adam said not very excited about that.

 ”Yeah.” The older boy looked down again, a sad expression appearing on his face. “Adam…”

 ”Yes?”

 He hesitated a little, but looked at the other human again. “Do you… Do you forgive me? For what I did to you.”

 Oh, that again? Adam didn’t want to talk about that. Since he lost all his hallucinations and physical pain, he was in a great mood. He was finally feeling alive. So, subjects like that one was the number one that he wanted to avoid. At least for a day or two. “You saved me, you regretted what you did. I think it’s a good start.”

 Samandriel wasn’t sure if that was a good answer. But, at least Adam was open to try to forgive him, so maybe that was what mattered. He would keep trying to redeem himself. “Thank you. But… What will happen to us now?”

 Adam finished his beer and looked away for a moment. “Our relationship started with lies. I know I can trust you, and I know you were being manipulated, too. But it just started wrong.”

 If he still had his wings, Samandriel would disappear in that moment. He felt bad, like something just broke his heart. “I see.”

 ”Hey, hey.” Adam finally pulled his body away from the car and touched Samandriel’s cheek with his right hand. “It doesn’t mean we can’t start again.” He showed a tender smile. “I’m going to start a new life now and I want you by my side. I want to be with you forever. You saved me and never gave up on me. I won’t give up on you, too.”

 Those words made Samandriel feel instantly better. His heart was beating crazily, a good feeling was invading him so fast he couldn’t contain himself. “We are going to start our lifes together.”

 ”And nothing bad will happen again.” Adam smiled.

 Samandriel just smiled in response and approached himself more to hug Adam, but, before he could do it, the younger human held Samandriel’s body with his arms and lifted him, making him be suspended in the air while spinning both of them. Samandriel wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck and started to laugh.

 ”I love you!” The younger human said, still spinning.

 Samandriel was starting to feel dizzy, but he didn’t care at all. “I love you, too!”  
  
  
 ”What are you going to do now, brother? Heaven must be searching for you.” Castiel said. He and Nathaniel were waiting for Dean and Sam to finish buying some groceries near the motel rooms.

 ”I will keep running from them.” Nathaniel sighed. “I want it all to be over soon. I’m really tired.”

 ”I know. But, you can stay with us, if you want. I think Dean and Sam won’t complain.”

 ”Nope.” The other angel looked at Adam and Samandriel, who were just talking now. “I work better alone.”

 Castiel moved his lips in a small smile. “Good luck, brother.”  
  
  
 ”So, we are going to stay with Sam and Dean now while helping them, right?” Samandriel asked.

 ”Yeah, I think so. Until we close the gates of Hell forever.” Adam took one of the other boy’s hands and started to walk.

 ”It sounds good. Especially because you three can talk and be okay with each other.”

 The younger boy didn’t answer. Without Lucifer putting bad things in his mind, Adam wasn’t hating Dean anymore. He was starting to understand his brother’s decisions, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still hurt. They had a lot to talk.

 Adam pulled Samandriel a little closer, still walking and holding his hand, and looked at him with a smile on his face. “When we finish this case, I will make you the hot cocoa I promised you.”

 And that just made Samandriel smile happier. “I can’t wait for it.”

 Their journey for a new life was just starting. Adam would need to learn how his world had changed, Samandriel would need to learn how it was to be a human. But, if they had each other, everything would be okay.  
  
  
THE END

**Author's Note:**

> You can find this fic on my tumblr (petitcastellan) with the tag "love me back to life". :))


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